Ex partner claiming domestic abuse in Child Arrangement Issue.

Posted by: @jonevs89

Hello, 

Some help needed please. 

I separated with my ex wife nearly 2 years ago and have had nothing but issues every since when trying to have more contact with my daughter. I currently see her twice a week with no over nights stays.

My ex didn't allow my daughter to enter my home for 6 months as she fabricated a dog allergy and said she would be in danger if she did. An allergy test proved my ex made it up and my daughter can now come to my home.

I have now asked for over night stays and age has now sighted through a solicter that these will not be allowed as I was abusive when together and also acted aggressive in front of our daughter and continue to do so... This has never been mentioned before and it is also not true. She will stop at nothing to make up lies to try and control how much I see my daughter.

She refused mediation saying she did not want it and I have now been given my letter to apply for a COA. I am now worried over the false allegations she has made. It ia horrible to be accused of these things when they are so far from the truth. I really hope a judge can see through it. I have so much evidence since we separated to show how she has been unreasonable herself and very manipulative.

 

Is there anything I can do to help me better prepare for court? What exactly will happen now she has made these allegations via the solicter.

 

Thanks 

I know it's difficult but try and relax and stay as calm as you can.  Most importantly stay positive.  You are experiencing the norm, the usual steps when false allegations are the building blocks used to sink the father and cut them out of the children's lives.  Whether you did or you didn't you are going to be accused of it anyway.  There will no doubt be more to come. If the court wants to confirm the allegations they may ask for a fact finding hearing to take place where the allegations and any evidence is explored.  

Don't panic over letters from the ex's solicitors about allegations if they are false.  It's great that you have evidence that your ex has already fabricated a dog allergy when this was untrue.  It's also great that you have evidence to demonstrate that you ex refuses to mediate in the interest of your daughter. 

Remember a solicitor is not a judge, nor is CAFCASS.  Only a judge can make a determination. Your statements can be used to to highlight your ex's dishonesty and any evidence that you have collated. 

Be consistent and child focused in your approach.  Write a letter directly to your ex asking for a reasonable amount of contact time with your daughter including overnight stays, holiday periods, birthdays, Christmas etc stating that you would rather try to agree and sort matters out amicably rather than both of you having than going to court for the court to make arrangements. Include a detailed parenting plan. (quick google will give you some examples). Be brash and ask for exactly what you want.  Remember it's your daughter too!

Don't forget to highlight your disappointment that she refused to go to any mediation and hope that she would be now be willing to cooperate with the proposals that you have included stating that it is not to late to work things out. You are ready.  Include things like school homework, activities, doctor, dentist appointments that you can do when your daughter is in your care to demonstrate you have also considered these all these things. Refer to the importance of your daughters relationship with you (her father). 

Despite what you think about your ex, write so that it reads your proposals show you can work together i.e. use words like 'we' instead of 'i' for example 'we could meet to changeover' rather than 'i will bring my daughter to you' etc.

Send a copy to her solicitor with a parenting plan offering to conclude matters rather than going to court and ask that she doesn't make any further false allegations against you as they are not true and not in the best interest of your daughter.  Send recorded delivery as evidence as it will be time stamped for a potential later court hearing.  

You may find she will try and negotiate.  You may find she wishes to continue to go to court and dislike your proposals. Either way you would have put your position forward so that a judge can see that you have attempted multiple ways to try and resolve matters outside of the court room and stayed child focused.  

Most of all do not give up.