[Solved] EX ON THE BACK FOOT NOW

Hi Slim, well done in getting contact, as you know in past for many years ive worked with families and children, the way I see it is your right your ex is panicking, she is now realizing the seriousness of this, sometimes it takes something like the contact you've had to click in to there heads, your now have to work on that, question yourself, you know her better than anyone else, no matter how much you hate her for what she's done can you get her onside, there has to have been something good in your relationship before you split up, can you work on that, look for the cracks, think how you can use them in a positive way, maybe when you get back to court ask the judge if its possible for you both to go back to mediation, you might not want, you'l probably hate the idea, but your in this for the long haul and its a brownie point for you, emphasize that all you've ever wanted is to work together with your ex for the best interests for your children, its how we all work, getting into there heads to see how we can get the best outcome without confrontation, its not easy but if you can do it you get the outcome you want, without them realizing it they've come onside, it I'm just starting on the journey, don't know how you've got this far but from everything ive read your a good bloke and you'l get there.

Yup I've tried all that at every hearing I have pleaded with her to talk and cooperate for the benefit of both my daughter and her sister in front of the Judges I've now asked the Judges 3 times to send us both back to mediation which I said I will pay for and the ex has point blank refused the Judges request that we do just that in front of their face and she has claimed that she is that scared of me and my controlling abusive nature.

Thing is I don't hate my ex at all never have done you will see I've never slagged her of on here I have tried everything under the sun to keep the peace and get on for the sake of the girls.

The think is there is no reasoning with an alcoholic she drinks 1-2 bottles of vodka a day and she still is according to her family the vodka makes her aggressive and abusive and very forgetful there is no reasoning with her at all.

I tried to talk to her today asking when my girl started walking wether the food I brought was ok for my girl and she said I'm not here to talk play with your daughter then blanked me for the rest of the session, she has been calling the contact centre staff every few days since she received the new court date and been saying I have been controlling her and abusing her over the phone when I havent spoke to her outside of court or had any contact over the past 7 months no texts emails phone calls nothing.

The contact centre have believed every word and now think I am out to get her in calling for this new hearing when infact I never asked the courts for nothing they want to know why she ignored the order for so long in the first place.

There is no way of dealing with this woman she will do anything to stop me being part of my daughters life and my step daughters lives she has succeded in stopping contact with my step daughter as the courts have ordered inderect contact twice a year and thats what she wants for my girl and I'm not having it.

She knows she's in for a bollocking from the courts next week and thats why she wants me to stop all court proceeding and has offered me unrestricted access to both girls which she is hoping I will accept so she can stop contact again so we have to go through all this again, we were both best of friends for 4 years before all this she helped me out when I ended up on the streets with no food and she gave me a roof over my head and food on the table I have returned the favour and we've helped each other out no end over the years we used to dj together we've been abroad together and brough up my disable step daughter together she will never change until she gets help with her drinking and she will lie and make my life a misery until the day comes when she admits to having a problem.

Your right, my first wife was alcoholic, even drank my aftershave once after I got rid of all the bottles, she would beat the [censored] out of me and that's someone trained in restraint, but couldn't deal with her when she was drunk almost killed me twice, stole everything I had, I when I would go out friends thought bruises were from work always to embarrassed to tell them it was wife, unless they want and seek help there's nothing you can do other than what your doing, I thought id now met the perfect person, now she's gone with stepson I don't hate her I still love her but others interfere, now all I want is, I just want to see my boy, miss him so much.
Maybe when were all sorted should write a book.

Slim did you apply to the courts for contact with is it your stepdaughter, i'm really struggling to get my head round the forms I need to submit, I know I have to submit c100 for Child Arrangements Order, NJ has been excellent in helping with that, but because I don't have PR and will apply for it, when I spoke to court staff they said I had to submit c2 form seeking permission, but the way I read court guidelines and advice from CORAM say I submit c1 form as ive brought stepson up since he was baby and been married to his mother for over 2 years, this has got me confused and as you know ive got to get it right.

Christ almighty that must of been horrific mate I lost the caring sweet most placid best friend to the drink about 3 years ago she's turned into a bitter twisted vile aggressive shell of her former self now, she never hit me she just takes it out on her disabled daughter and all her failings she tries to say thats what I am like she's convinced the cafcass scum this too.

I'm just going to carry on exactly as I am staying cool calm and in control at all times this has paid off bigtime in court as they are finally wising up to her [censored] she is just worried now because of court and the only reason she has agreed to today is because she thinks she can turn next week at the court around on me but I honestly didn't ask for the court for another hearing they did it off their own bat after they heard she didn't use the code I sent her within 2 weeks.

yup c2 for the pr on both kids mate 🙂

to be honest I'd rather put my pecker through a mince meat maker than go and see another mediator they pee in the same pot as Cafftwats, biased sexist scum the lot of them 🙂

Oh god....*sigh*..... Are the contact centre allowed to be that impartial? Your ex really is running scared now isn't she? Alcohol issues clearly making her even more irrational. Hope it hasn't tainted your wonderful day Slim.

yeah unfortunately it did had such a wicked day then all [censored] breaks loose, my ex has yet again played the hard done to mother struggling to bring up 2 kids on her own whilst being harassed by her ex card down to a tea, yet again she has the authorities eating out of her hand, she is still firmly controlling the situation she's got the CC wrapped around her finger now, yeah my ex must be worried about court is she's asking me to drop all proceedings she's saying to the CC she can't understand why we are back in court it's all an absolute farce, I hope the courts stand up and [censored] her so we don't have any more messing about

Good morning Slim,
As others have said...your ex is panicking, isn't she?
Although I wonder if the contact centre is in the right position to directly get involved
you could say in court that whilst you appreciate their concern, their view is unfortunately
based on only one contact session....which took some considerable time to arrange as the
ex had delayed contact....which in turn forced you to return to court.

If the contact centre has written to court....what about a copy for you?
Surely they would have to provide you with one?

Take care
Kirsten

Yeah the ex is panicking big time and yes they have sent me a copy of the email they sent to my ex, The court set a new hearing date just off the fact that my ex had ignored the code which I sent her so she could refer herself online to start contact, I wrote to the court saying my ex never refered herself and enclosed the two letters I sent to my ex and I didn't ask for a new court date at all this was 2 weeks after the court order and they have issued this new hearing because she ignored my letters for two weeks.

I did write to the court after 4 weeks as I still hadn't heard anything requesting a new hearing but they already issued a new date just from my initial letter my ex only initiated contact and refered herself when she received the new hearing date through the post and all the contact centre have wrote is that my ex refered herself 5 weeks after the order so in essence the email from them just confirms my ex waited as long as she could to initiate contact but they have also put in the email that my ex has fully cooperated with them throughout which is total rubbish as 4 weeks in the CC manager said they can't do anymore as my ex never refered herself and she was ignoring the NACCC social worker who needed to speak to her so they could do a report for the CC.

The CC manager was like what do you expect to gain from another hearing and I replied I dont know they issued the new court date not me and she was asking me why it was going back to court and she told me my ex didnt know why it was going back to court, yet again my ex has them all blagged making me out to be the control freak, she is obviously worried as she now has said I can have full contact if I drop all court proceedings and she's got no chance of that, I just hope the court warn her any more messing then she will be punished hopefully that will make her see sense and don't mess me around for the rest of the contact, I can't be doing with all this grief every time I see my girl and I'm not happy about my ex being there throughout the session as she creates conflict infront of my daughter its shocking I don't want her to be around all that negitivity its not on, I tried to ask if the sandwices milk and bread stick were ok for my girl which I brought along and she just shouted play with your daughter I'm not speaking to you then blanked me for he rest of the session it's all so stupid I wish they would all just let me get on building my relationship with my girl.