[Solved] Ex lets me see my children every other day,HELP!!!

Hi guys
Bit more info I need advice on. I've tried on 4 occasions to contact the mother so I can speak with my children and see there face as I've not seen my 5 month old son for a month now and it's killing me. I get nothing I can't even FaceTime them and she has spoken to one of my family members says she has been advised by her solicitors NO CONTACT but I didn't get why there saying this. While I understand there is a hearing soon why is her solicitor advising her this, I have no allegations,domestic violence or abuse and I received a letter saying anymore contact with her or she will go for a non-molestation order?? For having them every other day to this is torture. Can someone please tell me what's going on??!!

Hi Verde.

I understand your stress and worry very much.... i was in a similar boat.... 6 months ago I got a letter from her solicitor with allegations and that she would take me to court for non-mol..... I paid a solicitor one off fee of £160 + VAT for one hours consultation and letter back to her solicitor refuting claims..... I ended up in court with alleged for domestic abuse charges relating to her and my kids anyway..... she'd put in for four different orders..... three orders i disagreed with and the non-mol i stupidly said that i would accept but disagreed with the reason..... had i known what i do now I would have objected to this as well.

My best advice would be to sit tight and not contact her for now...... a non-molestation order is basically a non-harassment order and depending on your ex she could twist this any number of ways..... mine said that she was fearful and scared and that this was having an adverse affect on our children's health...... not the fact that when i finally got to speak to my kids again after our first court appearance my kids sounded so, so worried about where and how i was!.....

I've been to court three times now and each time you sit in a room with her solicitor prior to seeing the judge.... one thing i have learnt is that her solicitor does genuinely seem to be trying his best for our kids this last time that we met..... but i can see clearly that he has to work on behalf of his client..... i can see where he's trying to suggest a compromise that my ex may be able to accept.... or that he may be able to get her to accept (might be my imagination) but then i can also clearly see there is a line that he will not cross when i suggest more that my ex is clearly willing to give..... each time we're back in court i get a bit more with my kids but its like pulling teeth......

reading others stories and advice on here it really does seem that only you will have the best idea what your ex is likely to do...... is she single minded?..... is she likely to escalate matters?..... is she vindictive?..... or rattled?.... or insecure?......

time and again the best advice I've seen is to look after yourself mentally and physically...... I was a broken mess..... and still am but slowly piecing myself back together.... i was back in court two weeks ago and just fell apart again after..... through my experience I've no doubt that you will get to see your children again..... just don't give her any ammunition .... I know easier said than done.

all the best with the c100

Thank you so much for your reply. I hope its goes well for you and you see you kids when you like and not have a prison guard to tell you when like my ex is with me, my situation is different. Her parents get involved and want my kids to them self it's like they want me out of the picture altogether so they can enjoy my children and I know she will not be giving at all. I just hope the judge can see my commitment with not going back to work due to her first arrangement. Hope it goes well for all

I didn't know you spoke to her solicitors. Does that happen in the second or third hearing?

Hi

If you've been told not to contact - then don't. If someone says not to do this and you do, it can be seen as harassment. People apply for non-molestation orders on all sorts of flimsy reasons, so please be careful and try to wait for the court hearing.

Cafcass should be at the first hearing and will likely speak with you both separately before you go in.

If she brings her solicitor to the hearing, it's likely the solicitor will come and speak to you before you go in to see if there is any agreement to be had.

Prepare a short position statement laying out what you would like the court to do and why, you can give this to the usher or solicitor before you go in to court.

hi guys, so i had my first hearing and it went very well, i got more then what i hoped for and cafass for me are what turned it around. it was there help and understanding that made me see my children 3 times a week and i get to have my son stay over night in august. he will be 11 months and i will get to see both my children 4 times a week in november with two nights stay which I'm over the moon with. i want to thank everyone who replied and helped me with what i went through.it all got sorted in the first hearing.

That's great Verde! CAFCASS do get criticised but when they work well, they can make all the difference.

All the best

Hi guys
So after having my court order and sticking to it with the day's and times it's all going well but on some days I don't see my son who is 8 months soon I understand she leave him with her mother when she goes to the gym regularly and as we live a stone throw away I wanted to ask her if I could look after him while she is out. I got no reply and got completely blanked. It does mention on the court order that we should discuss extra living or contact arrangement between us. My question is why should her mother look after my son when I have free time to see him and creat a better bond with him. And does this mean a breach of order?
Thanks

Hello Verde,

I think you have achieved a great deal and I personally would be patient for a good amount of time and stick to the Court Order religiously regarding time and dates. Evaluate the situation after the routine stipulated in the Court Order has been well and truly established.
Having had a good result you do not want to cause any friction whatsoever which in turn could affect the children. Concentrate now on furthering the good relationship you have with them in providing a fun, loving and secure environment.

Your Ex is within her rights (when the children are in her care) to have her mother look after them if there are no safeguarding and/or welfare issues which you also have the right to do when they are in your care. I personally would not "make waves" but accept the good you have achieved. Matters can be reviewed at an appropriate time in the future but now is not the right time as I believe you could find yourself back to square one.

The situation of unwanted involvement of the in-laws is a common one which many suffer but sometimes looking at the whole picture it is best to accept it and concentrate on the children and building on the relationship you have with them.

I agree, I think you have achieved a lot so I wouldn't upset things at the moment. Also consider that your ex's mother almost certainly wants the contact also, rather than just being a baby sitter.

Hi Verde,

sorry for not replying before, went cold turkey and stayed offline for a bit.

Its great to hear that things turned out so well for your son and you, its a great starting point for you to continuing building a relationship with him.... there's nothing like the feeling of seeing your kids and the joy it brings where they laugh out loud..... or smile.... or even the little things they say and do without thinking..... i know he 8 months old but you've some great times ahead..... my favorite time so far was that was the toddler years.... you've a lot to look forward to.

I agree with the grand parent issue on both sides, its very important that your son is able to maintain a relationship with his extended family, my kids relationship with ex's dad and step mum is brilliant and i couldn't of wished for better people to be a part of my children's lives, they love and support my children in so many ways, on the other hand, ex's mum and step dad have very low morals when it comes to them getting what they want and in my opinion are very bad role models for my children..... yet you never know which of those behaviors a child may take on or reject as they grow grow and develop.

For the time being you have several years in which to build the best relationship possible with your ex (if you can) before your son stars school.... then hopefully clubs and friends and so on and so fourth will follow...... best advice that i can give is to ensure that you become as involved as possible and build relationships with other people that will come into your children's lives, make yourself known to people starting with any early years child care providers if your son starts going to nursery, if you have time take him to a children's center yourself for the play times they have there..... do you have a local sure start center near you?, they're great for a time out, do lots of age appropriate activities and ideas, and for your son to play with other tots, for you to have a cuppa, great place for advice, if you can find places to make friends with other people who have children your own sons age..... its better to start to 'network' with others now if you can as this will make things easier as he gets older.....

all the best mate

Hi guys
I hope your all well..
New dramas for me now... the ex has asked the doctors Surgury not to give me the times and dates of my children's appointment because she simple doesn't want me there... nothing more! And the surgury is agreeing with no real reason why I can't have that information.... surly this can't be right...?