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Ive only seen my son twice over xmas despite a court order stating that he must spend half the holiday with me.
My ex claims he has a fever and has canceled sessions to keep him at home. Which is plausible but there's no reason why I cant care for a 5 year old at my home.
Also i know she is exagerating his conditions. She was very unhappy about the outcome of the final hearing where I got every other weekend overnights, weekly after school contact and half all school holidays (overnights). She tried her best to make that not happen but fortunately the court saw sense.
She is being petulant and bitter and I know she will keep canceling sessions.
Not sure what i can do. Cant force her.
Any advise?
Disclaimer
I know there are other dads in worse position than me but being reminded of that will not address my current issue. I spent 4 years struggling to get this contact. I originally started with my ex only allowing me to see son in a contact centre to this. Please Read my profile and post history.
Desperate need of advise.
If it happens once, as has just happened, then there isn't a great deal you can do as it's possible she is telling the truth, but if it happens repeatedly, then you need to go back to court for enforcement. Keep a record of all contact (and cancellations, of course).
I agree with actd, there's no way of knowing if she is lying or not and there are many bugs and viruses around at this time of year, so I think you have to take it on board.
Keeping a record of cancelled visits is a good idea and perhaps asking for the lost time to be made up when he is feeling better.
If it happens once, as has just happened, then there isn't a great deal you can do as it's possible she is telling the truth, but if it happens repeatedly, then you need to go back to court for enforcement. Keep a record of all contact (and cancellations, of course).
Can you explain how the court would enforce her? Assuming it gets to that stage.
How many times should it happen before the courts will even consider it?
A similar thing happened to me recently, ex was getting really nervous because my time progression with our child was increasing significantly last month, and coincidentally he developed a temperature the day before the progression was going to happen.
You know what worked really well for me ? I was nice to her.
Like other have said, she may or may not be telling the truth. In my opinion, even if it's true that the child is sick, I think that's more of a reason why the other parent should be able to see them, give them a cuddle and tell them they are going to be alright, but pragmatically, being nice to the ex gives me the best chance of things progressing along and also brings peace that is good for our kid.
So instead of saying, I'm going to court for enforcement, I said, this must be difficult on you, because when he his sick he doesn't sleep, and neither do you, I am sorry about that.
Progressions resumed nicely along after that. I am not saying it's easy, but in my experience, being nice seems to work.
I have to agree with superprouddad - it's always better to avoid court if possible. If you do go for enforcement, the court has options to fine or imprison the mother, or even to change who the child lives with, but all of these are very rare, and often, unfortunately, enforcement results in no more than a telling off for the mother, which can make it worse as she now sees that the court won't do anything (problem with fine or imprisonment is that the child ultimately suffers), so as above, if you can work it out - however much you may (justifiably) hate to do so, it can yield the best results.
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