[Solved] ex has stopped me having my son due to cut on head

Hi
Or mate i could write a book on what i have done to my lad (who is seven ) according to my ex.I have my son for four hours mainly on a saturday and when i return him i inveriably get a text saying he has scratched his arm or cut his leg. When i have my son we go out bike ride's play football go for walks where he can climb trees do things that a seven year old does he is going to get the odd scratch.My point is she never ask's him how he got this scratch or that cut she just text's me.Unfortunatly it seems like it's the old power trip kicking in. If she really thought you had anything to do with this instance she would take it further. There were four other people there when you dropped him off.I was reported to the police for domestic violence the night i LEFT never in fourteen years (ten of them married) had i raised my hand to her. And never in all that time had she reported me to the police, answered the alegations and was told by the police the book is closed on this one.Most woman for what ever reason will use every trick in the book to stop you seeing your children, they have a schedule a plan. I have seen it and one or two people i know have gone through exactly the same thing.The threat of not seeing your son will upset you and she knows it and that my friend is what it is all about CONTROL. It's just a shame they use innocent children to get there own way. And no i don't hate woman i just can't stand my ex. 👿

it does seem that it is about control mate, I think you're right!

I saw my lad for the 1st time in about 6 weeks, last friday. I went round at 6.30 and stayed til about 7.45. On the Monday I said is 6.30 ok and she said yes and what time you going. I said 7.30 -8 and she said 7.30s fine.

Today I said is 6 ok and she said yes but im going out at 6.30.

so basically she was going out at the time I had been round previously and this time I only get to see him for 30mins.

It's like what's next? 15mins if she happens to be in!!?

This is going to have to go to court i think but if anybody could advise me about whether this mystery cut could be used against me when I'm trying get get the right to have my boy over at my house, that would be great

She is likely to try to use it, so be prepared to counter it if she does - you just need to think about what you need to say. You will get a copy of her statement before court, so you will know whether she is intending to use it.

Hi Barton,

Little cuts on the head would and should be dealt with very quickly from the Courts, kids get cuts its as simple as that. The Courts will know this. You might do well to highlight this under Section 7 as an additional page on your Contact Application something along these lines:

[DATE OF CUT]

Contact had been going ahead, however on returning my Son, my ex claimed to have text me (i hadn't received this text) to say that there was a small cut on his head. Following on from this, i have no idea how he got it and Contact was refused until i would tell [NAME OF EX] how he had this.

I feel this is highly unfair and has not created a beneficial situation for [Son] and this instance i did not end up seeing him for 6weeks.

Currently contact is being done on Mothers say so, and very often this is for 30mins every so many days. This is not in [Son]'s best interests at all.

Thanks for the advice guys!! The thought of representing myself in court brings me out in a cold sweat, especially knowing what my ex is like and how shen can twist things.

Are there any good books you can recommend as further reading on the court proceedings and family law etc that a beginner like me will be able to understand?

Also, I guess mediation is a preferrable route to try 1st as I understand a judge will insist on this anyway. How is mediation arranged before resorting to court?

You need to identify a local family mediation service. Contact them, explain the situation and then invite your ex to a provisonal meeting. My understanding is that they meet with you both seperately prior to moving forward into your first mediated discussion. The mediation service will be able to better advise on what happens during sessions.

I would write to your ex, explain that you wish to explore mediation as a way of resolving matters amicably, but if she continues to obstruct contact, you will have no choice other than to pursue the matter in the courts. I would give her 14 days to respond and if you don't hear anything proceed with an application to the court.

Don't be suprised if she suddenly wants to explore mediation after receiving a court summons. The court will still give her the opportunity to enter into mediation, but once the court is involved you can then introduce the caveat that anything agreed through mediation should be taken back to court and enshrined in a court order.

FM '70

Hi Barton
I am just about to travel on that self representation road.Getting yourself prepared i have found to be the most taxing.In a strange way i'm looking forward to going to court.As i said before it's all about control,two reasons i am going to court one is to get what is right for me and my son and the other is to stop my ex having the control she think's she has. Don't be scared of your ex, if she know's you are she will threaten to tell everything she know's about you.That's what mine did when she was asked to go to mediation thinking i would just drop it.I ignored her and will soon be dragging her sorry [censored] through court.Try not to let it get to you mate and do the right thing see a solicitor or look at representing yourself.

K@RTIS

Hi

K@rtis is right - be fully prepared for court, and try to pre-empt everything your ex might come up with. Also make sure that you do everything by the book, it makes it much easier if you ex has nothing that she can use against you.

Since my last post, me and my ex made some progress and she asked me if i wanted to have my son at the weekend which I said yes to

I then proceeded to write my car off a couple of days before so I had no car & couldn't get a lift there & back. (about 15miles) I couldn't afford a taxi & didn't feel comfortable taking him on the bus with his stuff, and there is no direct bus route.

When I went round next time to see riley she says I can't have him again because I wasn't bothered last week & because I'm unreliable. The fact i crashed my car was irrelevant - I should of got there somehow if I wanted him. Now she says thats it.

Now before her argument was that he got a cut that's why I couldn't have him but she asked if i wanted to start having him again (I have this on text message) so she deems me fit to look after him. So in court, the fact I couldn't get there to pick him up because I'd crashed my car, should not be valid reason for me not to have him?

I don't feel comfortable at her house and don't feel I get quality time with my son cos I'm not myself when i'm round my ex. She does allow access once or twice a week for an hour or two but I don't want to be around her. Will a judge/mediation see that I get access and leave it at that or will they insist that he can come to my house?

thanks in advance guys

Crashing a vehicle is more than a valid reason to miss contact.

If you can't ferry him from her house to yours, you may have to make do with using a contact centre. They can be used as a pick up/drop off point. You could collect him in the morning and take him out for the day, then return him later in the afternoon.

Try mediation. If she's obstructive then you have decision to make regarding a contact order.

Agreed K@rtis, control seems to be a major factor and it's totally needless. It's good to hear you are looking foward to the case hopefuly in time a will acheive the same confidence as you

Thanks filmaker. I have a car now, I manged to sort one out over the weekend I should of had him. I going to suggest mediation to her. What is the best step to take, as if court comes about, I'll be representing myself I think but would a letter from my solictor requesting mediation by the best way to get the ball rolling?

does anyone have any advice on choosing a mediator?

also (sorry full of questions) my boy is 1year old. Will his age affect the way in any mediator or judge might approach the case?

thanks again

I think the best bet is to speak to the mediator first - if you go ahead, I think they invite your ex to attend. Google the national family mediation service and that should get you on the right lines,

I've spoken to the mediator and it sounds like the more desirable option over going to court although they did say there was to types of mediation, one in and one outside of the court process. If the mediation fails for whatever reason and this has taken place outside of any court process ( as opposed to part of it), if the the court process was then started, would a judge insist on more mediation or accept that it has been attempted and move forward? As money is short I would want to avoid paying for mediation twice.

It's impossible to say what a court will decide, but I think that if you have already been to mediation, then you are at court because the mediation has failed, so there can only be a limited benefit to going back again. Although the courts don't generally like making decisions purely on financial grounds, they do realise that parents do have limited finances so you can argue that you don't feel that the cost would achieve the required outcome.