[Solved] Ex constantly threatens access - C100

Hi there

I think you're in a potentially difficult position as far as a court application is concerned, there's a possibility that the court will make a no order, due to the fact that contact is still "working", inasmuch as she has only threatened to stop it and you are getting 50/50 time with your children.

Once proceedings are underway, she may decide to stop all contact at that point, which is quite common, things move very slowly and your case could take 6-12 months... during this time the no, or very little contact then sets a precedent and you may find the court making an order for less than you were getting, preferring to fall back on the standard alternate weekends and a weekly midweek.... there's no way of knowing how it would go, but it's better that you're aware of the worse case scenario.

When you say she refused mediation, was that after you asked her directly, or was she asked formally by the mediator?

Once you apply for the consent order, do you think she will agree, an order by consent must have both parents agreeing. I ask because she has refused mediation already. Have you prepared a draft order, she would need to see it first and agree to it, and as she has already stopped the childminder that you put in place, with that forming part of the consent order, how do you see that working?

As far as Q3b be brief, state the agreement that's in place is a 50/50 shared care arrangement, that she constantly tries to control your time with the kids by threatening to reduce the time you currently spend with them, that she changes handover times and arrangements without notice, and is refusing to agree childminding arrangements that you have made during your time with the kids. She has also refused mediation to try and sort it out and the situation is deteriorating. You would like the current arrangements to be put into a consent order, as the children need the security of a regular routine that they can rely upon. The distress caused to you by the uncertainty is also taking its toll.

I agree with Mojo. I do however think it's only slightly possible the court would refuse to make an order.

Given that you have 50/50 in place but in reality just need the order to be formalised given the threats and lack of willing from the mother to agree on minor issues. It is probably likely they would make an order to prevent a breakdown in arrangements. The mother cannot dictate what you do with the children in your time with them really and this is one thing that court should help with.

If mediation was attempted in the last four months, they will be able to stamp a court form for you. As Mojo says, do be prepared for the mother to mess about with contact once the mother is aware of proceedings.

Should the mother stop contact and refuse to 50/50 continuing once you're at court, then you could end up with lengthy proceedings unless you have a strong experienced judge who is willing to stick their neck out and advise the mother that as there are clearly no safeguarding issues, the court is likely to uphold your application.

I would ask her to go to mediation again as parental conflict can be picked up by the children and cause emotional harm if the parents are seen to be not getting along

maybe see if she will attend the mediation and make an agreement to contact and then have it rubber stamped by a court, explain to her that you want what is best for the children and its not good for them to see any or feel any conflict

In theory you could try suggesting mediation again but this could delay matters and result in a withdrawal of contact that by the time you reach court, could prevent you achieving the previous 50/50 arrangement.

In response to mavic - explaining to the ex what is and isn't good for the children, in my experience, can often be as inflammatory as an argument or court application. Whilst court should be a last resort, trading parenting tips with the ex and constantly repeating requests that have been denied can often lead to claims of harassment. Treat that approach with caution.