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Hi,
Looking for a bit of advice on an ongoing issue with the EX.
Background
I get our children 3 or 4 nights a week. 3 is agreed, but i often have an extra night every other weekend as she likes to go out on Saturdays. This has been the case for 9 months, so is pretty much the norm now and it suits both parties. I can't see this changing and don't feel either party would want it to change.
I pay child maintanance on time, every month.
The issue i have is that my Ex has a habit of agreeing something not in the regular schedule, then changing her mind if we have a disagreement / she doesnt get her own way / she is annoyed or just generally feels like it.
This has been a semi regualar thing, which started years ago way before we were seperated ( ie she would use the kids as a leverage tool and say we were no longer doing what was planned if i didnt agree with her )
This issue has included agreed extra access over school holidays etc, all agreed in writing then denied at the last minute, regardless of the plans i have made. Two days before my youngest daughters birthday (it fell on her day with the children ) , she decided i could no longer see her as agreed.. No reason, other than she changed her mind (even thought agreed in writing).
Several solicitors letters have gone out explaining this isnt acceptable, and she usually conforms for a few months.
This has happened on 5 or 6 occassions since March 2019.
My solicitor sent a final letter in October 2019 advising that these changes / blackmail were not acceptable and if she proceeded to change agreed dates we would start to look at a childen order.
Since then, all has been fine and i had the other 2 childen on their birthdays ( both fell on the ex days ) without issue.
In December i requested in writing that i could take the children away for 10 days abroad ( our agreement does state 7 days , hence why i put the request for 10 in writing ) . She had no objection to this, proviiding the childen were happy ( there were very happy ) .. Holiday was booked for the whole family ( my mum and dad, sister, husband and cousins ) costing thousands.
last week i went to view a new sports car, and i suspect my eldest told her about it, which probably put her in a bad / jealous mood. 5 minutes after i had dropped them off on the Sunday night she rings me and starts ranting about how the children havent done the homework correctly and then comes to the real reason for the call - she doesnt think i should take them away for 10 days. This was done in front of my children !
I let her vent ( i suspect she has NPD so rarelly say much back ) -After the call she confirmed in writing, that she doesnt think 10 days away from the childrens mother is acceptable and i can no longer take them.
I have decided that i cannot go on like this for the next 10 years.
I have already tried the mediation, and although she agrees not to do this, she still does it - and she wont change.
She has a history of being irrational if she doesnt get her own way ( had an abortion in 2015 because i refused to make an offer on a house that she wanted and i didn't like - told the children in 2017 that we were no longer going on a booked Holiday to Majorca - because i refused to become a garantor on the finance for the [censored] job she had booked )
I have downloaded the forms for the Gov site and plan to complete this weekend. I have decided against using the solicitor as i feel this is quiet straight forward. In some ways, it may seem petty to waste the courts time over something so small, but this is lots of small things, all of the same nature. Effectivelly i see it as emotional blackmail, as i feel like she is using the children to still try and gain leverage over me.
Does anybody have any feedback / advise ?
thanks
Hi this is what happens as it’s their last grasp of control . You need to apply to court and stop sending letters via solicitor . They’re meaningless , carry no more weight in law than you writing them and cost a lot .
To apply you 1sr need to try mediation , and the mediator will sign your form that says you’ve done it so you can then apply for a child arrangement order . Think the fee is £215.
It can take a long time to get from application to order , took me maybe a year so you need to apply and not wait like a lot of us do in the hope it will get better and blow over . It’s all very do able without solicitor or barrister but you can get a direct access barrister for £500 and depending on your ex and what she may allege is prob money well spent
hi,
check this link to see if your eligible to complete c100 order form online and its much quicker that way:
https://apply-to-court-about-child-arrangements.service.justice.gov.uk/?utm_source=formfinder
yes i agree with citydad. things will only get worse if you dont have court order, especially about taking holidays. i already have an order, and ex still dictating nonsense to me and once blocked me from picking up kids already. now going back to court.
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