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This is the very last update from me on the battle to keep in my son's life....I reached the end of the road and in my case it's a dead end with no U-turn or reversing allowed.
Parental Alienation harms the children, Pursuing contact also harms the children so I've just learned when there have been significant delays in getting it to court. almost 30months of needless delays in the last 4,1/2years by court spaces, cafcass delays etc... allowing for 4,1/2years the ex to continue alienate my son against me and half his family.
Court, cafcass and psychologist all acknowledge the alienation by the ex, they all acknowledge no risk or valid reasons for her to have kept frustrating contact by stopping it all these years, they all acknowledge her anxieties imprinted to my son, they all acknowledge that with hindsight and quicker intervention and stiffer penalties may have prevented this.
All acknowledge that the reasons given my son now are the ex's lack of explaining to son that he has interpreted fathers actions / intentions incorrectly...this is the part that she cleverly spins the story to her advantage....
- I am a bully because I try to encourage him to eat his food....something she told me that I needed to make sure he ate because he was going home saying he was hungry and that I hadn't fed him! therefore i'm a bully for encouraging him!
- I am a bully for trying to encourage him to come outside and play on nice days rather than sit inside on the games console - again i'm a bully for trying to encourage him! oh and that she also told me not to let him spend all day on the games console!
- I am a liar because I tried to encourage him to do things or go places by telling him we could do something he wanted rather than tell him of the family surprise events we were to be going to attend that were a surprise for him!
- I am a liar because I tell remind him of all the good events and times that we had because he tells mother that he didn't enjoy any time with me and therefore I am the liar and she is the one telling him I obviously made it all up------ I have hours of phone video clips and hundreds of photos that say and show that he was enjoying his time!
- I am irresponsible for leaving him locked in a car while I go to pay for petrol.....Hmmm Pay-at-the-Pump mostly 2-3 foot away from the car...but yes I did lock it on one occasion where the pay at pump wasn't working...with him inside...having asked if he wanted to come in with me and he said no as he was playing angry birds on his iPhone (at 6yr old) who now also allegedly doesn't have a phone at 12yrs old!
After all that the outcome is no different to the last 4,1/2yrs....they cannot find help for him to understand that the thoughts he now has due to the parental alienation by his mother, they cannot and will not tell him that his mother is a liar and has been preventing contact with me....they cannot and will not tell him i'm not the nasty horrible person his mother has led him to believe this last 4...5...6...7...however many years she's been at it.
and they will not tell help him with any of this because............it would destroy his view of his mother (if he believed them) and then he would have no one he could trust and what damage that could cause...god only knows!
so the only option is....to leave him with the false and unfounded view of his father....therefore deleting his father and half his family (paternal family) from his life!
on a positive note
I did manage to get the courts to remove the part in their order for indirect contact only, with a recital that direct contact can take place only if requested or initiated by my son.
I managed to get the court to accept delays have caused too much damage...but the judge said contact your MP and tell him the courts need more judges!
Section 91.14 order made for 2years for neither parent to apply to court to vary this order. I will not be applying to court in 2years time as by then it will have been 6,1/2years with no contact....
I now need to force myself to come to terms with having to grieve for a child who is still alive and highly likely never hear from again. - I know after 9yrs what his mother and her family are capable of which is why I say that!
THE END
hi,
that was very sad reading all that. my ex's dad was wife beater and he got banned from seeing kids. after several years, she asked me to go with him to meet him and see how he was doing lol. ex was around 31 at the time. and oddly, one of her sisters filled in paperwork to mash him up with CMS in the past, and my wife at the time was now writing letters on her dads behalf to CMS, to let them know he no longer needs to pay!
kids are curious. sooner or later they will realise which parent is the trouble maker, and they will be curious enough to go out looking for you in future. i hope you can hold onto that hope atleast.
I'm sorry dad-i-d, you and your son deserve better. I hope you can find the strength to heal from this. Your son has not forgotten you.
Please keep all your paperwork from the courts. It may take him until your son has children himself to come to you asking questions. I know it took a friend until his children were adults for them to know the truth about their mothers behaviour. Still not a happy ending but at least they aren't completely estranged.
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