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Hello
I will jump straight in with some info and hopefully some helpful info from you guys.
Currently divorcing after 12yr marriage, we have 3 girls (9), (5),(5)..wife is cohabiting in our family home with new partner for last 16 months, I moved 2 years ago next September into a rented 2 bedroom flat in the same town. I have always had a close bond with my girls been a dad who cared from my children around my wife’s work and her around mine.
I had my girls at my flat every other weekend and done school runs and pick ups for tea at mine midweek around my shift pattern. I have the girls in the holidays for a couple of weeks along with a week during school term while mum went to Vegas with her Partner, I help out around my wife’s work during holidays with looking after the girls. I have always paid Maintenance correctly and always funded school activities etc with my ex. It was all ok.
Mediation started but failed due to her not being truthful when her partner moved in and House valuations were done a 2nd time while I wasn’t present, incomes into the property were not disclosed etc (you get my drift I hope)
After I halted mediation to seek legal advice as it was all new to me, I wrote a letter to my ex stating some facts and info for us moving forward, she took that as sign that her proposals in mediation were not going to be met.
The situation is now that I see my girls every other weekend as usual but she has limited me to dropping them off at school only 1 day a week and Iam only allowed to have them for tea 1 night a week, she puts them into after school club for an hour untill she gets home from work but I am free and available to have them from school 5 days a week, you may say that this is acceptable and I would agree but I believe she is doing this to aid her case in the process of the financial order Form E that we are due in court soon and also she was trying to trigger me into starting a legal fight for more contact as she knows the girls and I are very close.
I can only afford to fight one battle at a time and as my contact was still there but limited we got started on the divorce and financial order, we have our first appointment in February.
The Form is is quite daunting but I am struggling to find any helpful info into aiding my position as a father who want to be apart of my girls live and give them the same opportunities that their mum will be able too, the boxes for previous family life, future family life, future financial outlays etc....I just don’t know what to put, seems to be a lot of help on the net for mums having arguments against bringing up there kids against dads needs but my 3 girls sleep in a triple bunk bed we have no garden and it’s a small flat, I do my very best but mum is in a big 4 bed detached with new partner and my flat is like us all living in one room when I have my girls over, summer is fine we go out and do loads but the winter is hideous staying in.
As it stands house price roughly £310,000, morgage £155,000
Our income salary is around £10000 difference in my favour I pay £500 a month in CM and I pay a joint loan off. My wife’s pension is big £120000 mine is £60000, she has income I should imagine from her partner and his salary is £40000+
She offered me £35000 during mediation for a clean break that is with money taken off her parents put into our first home to get us started.
Just do not know what will happen or how to put my case forward with the financial order without involving the specifics of the children as Ian told that’s a seperate fight.
Any helpful nuggets of info, good experiences from other dads or just your views and thoughts will help me get through this nightmare.
Kind regards
Martin
Hi There,
.
The form E id horrible as you never know what to put down, I ws told to put everything and anything I would have to spend money on, so haircuts, sight tests, prescriptions, birthday and christmas gifts, nights out.
.
I think when I did mine I didn't want to seem as though I was over doing it.I will send you a private message.
.
GTTS
Ok thank you
I would get some legal advice - the sums are quite considerable, and what she is offering you sounds far too low, especially with the pensions. However, once you have a baseline, it may then be worth compromising a little on the basis that any extra gains will be swallowed up by legal fees. Certainly worth getting a free consultation to see if a solicitor can give you a minimum figure you should be looking at.
And whatever you do, don't agree to a figure which includes you not having to pay child maintenance,, because if you do, after a year, she can still ope a case with CMS who will disregard the court order.
Thank you for the response
I have a solicitor, I am handling the divorce myself but has input and will assist me with the financials and our first appointment, FDR etc
Interesting about the child maintenance, are you saying that the child maintence amount will written into the the consent order that I will continue to calculate my maintence amount every year on my P60 and over night calculations as I do now using the child maintence options people? Or am I getting the wrong end of the stick?
I believe that her partner will move out, as she has always stated that she doesn’t want any of our children’s money going into another family if I move on in the future, she will play the single parent with no partner to have income into the family home while this gets sorted out. I don’t really know what options the court has if this plays out that way.
I just have visions of no clean break and settlement will be done and it will always be on her terms if she wishes to release me from our financial commitment, I would be constantly trying to prove any triggers needed to settle it.
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