Emergency safeguarding help

hi,

it's great that you took actions to safeguard yourself and child. now would be up to court to decide on next steps...

@bill337 Thanks for that 

I'm normally very subdued and wouldn't necessarily take much action other than maybe reporting things but with a threat on my life and my house where my 8yo resides with me full time I had no alternative option. I'm not proud of what I've done and I'm anxious as [censored] over the whole thing it's really opened up a can of worms I am genuinely scared for my life and my boy getting caught in the cross fire my ex knows some pretty horrible people. I've applied to the court I did it a few hours after refusing to take her home I asked for a emergency hearing so I'm hoping that goes through but at least I now have social services logging things and building a case as well I just don't know what will happen or how to cope with it 

Thank you for using Dad Info. I hope you get lots of peer support here. It looks from your comment that you have taken the right steps to safeguard your son and yourself. If though at any time you are increasingly concerned about the immediate safety of a child, yourself or another adult, please call the police by ringing 999. If you have a welfare or safeguarding concern about a child, you should report it to the children’s social care/allocated social worker.

If your child needs a chat or some support right now, remember you can use Childline for this sort of help- Call 0800 1111 

I checked in with our safeguarding team and they wanted to share the following with you for information - I hope it is useful. 

You are probably aware you can apply for a Non-Molestation Order.

These orders are designed to stop someone from pestering, attacking, threatening physical violence, intimidating or harassing their victim and/or children. Photos of any injuries or damage to property will strengthen the applicant’s case. Each order is unique with the judge taking the applicant’s individual circumstances into account, such as their physical well-being and if there are children involved. These orders can include the court prohibiting the perpetrator from communicating with their (ex-)partner, or instructing or encouraging others to attack, threaten or intimidate the victim. In some circumstances, it can also include a clause preventing the abuser from coming within a certain distance of your home. The orders are typically granted for six to 12 months and breaching them is an arrestable offence.

If an order is granted without notice on an emergency basis, then there is a further hearing approximately 14 days later, to give your abuser the opportunity to tell the Court whether they oppose the order.

Enforcement

All these orders have to be served on the abuser – in court, or in person at some later time – for them to be enforceable. A copy of the order has to be given to the local police station so officers are aware it exists. A copy of the non-molestation orders may need to be given to the children’s school(s) to ensure that the youngsters cannot be removed without the victim’s permission. A non-molestation order will need to be given to the landlord or mortgage company.

The orders can generally be applied to most forms of relationship: intimate partners, ex-partners, couples who have had children and family relations, including in-laws.

Support for you

The National Centre for Domestic Violence (Domestic Violence & Abuse · Emergency Injunction Service (ncdv.org.uk) is a free emergency injunction service to survivors of domestic abuse and violence, can support you to apply for a emergency court injunction , they work closely with police, solicitors and other support services including Mankind, to help victims obtain speedy protection. The link is here:How To Make a Referral For An Injunction · NCDV

The ManKind Initiative offers support to male victims, to enable them and any children to escape from the domestic abuse. The charity, which is funded by donations from the public, runs a national helpline with a trained team providing practical advice, information, signposting and emotional support to victims or concerned friends, family members and work colleagues.

For confidential help, male victims of domestic abuse should call the confidential helpline open Monday – Friday 10am to 4pm

FREEPHONE 0808 800 1170 (will not show on your bills)

HELPLINE 01823 334 244 (for those with inclusive minutes)

Further information is available on ManKind’s website.

In regards to the court process Cafcass advises the family courts about the welfare of children and what is in their best interests | Cafcass will be able to give advice and guidance on processes.

Hoping some of the above is of use, and do keep on talking either here or to friends and family or your GP, with our best wishes - Nell on the Dad Info Team

@petesbox99 do you have CCTV camera? If not then good idea to fit one looking outside the property. Can get decent ones for around £50 and records video 24/7

If you drive, also good to have dashcam that records video both inside and outside car.

@petesbox99 - you said above that you're not proud about what you've done. I think you should be exxtremely proud, you have taken all steps necessary to protect your children and yourself when it obviously hasn't been easy, and you didn't take those actions out of any malice, but because you were left with no choice. So keep on doing what you are doing, reading your post is actually a pretty positive read.

If she is still abusing you and calling you, then get another phone and give her that number (block her on your existing phone) and only look at that new phone when it suits you - don't let her rule your life, take back all the control you can.

Do keep yourselves safe.  Here is some basic safety advice.  You can also download HollieGuard on your phone and buy a portable door stop and personal alarm.

@bill337 thanks I'm recording everything atm I'm trying to keep face to face to a minimum 

@actd thank you 

The main reason I'm not proud is my 4yo daughter has asked for mummy and I don't know what to do or say to that. The abuse has shifted gear and tactics now trying to say I'm emotionally abusing my daughter alienating her she's 4 I don't think would even be possible at her age the level of comprehension just isn't there she said when she called her this morning my daughter told her I'd said she has to live with me and not see mummy however when I replay the phone recording ex is clearly asking leading questions then prompting the answer.

The courts are hopeless I asked for emergency hearing 48hr ago and they have only just looked at it but given no dates etc yet and she has solicitors I don't I'm really worried if court says return her my ex has already said I will never see her again no matter what the court says 

@petesbox99 if you accepted a call from ex and she spoke to child, then maybe things are not as bad as it seems?

@bill337 no it's not like that I don't accept calls to talk to her I have to accept bedtime and morning call for my daughter to speak with her mom the measure of guilt I feel for keeping her from her mom is major I'm not doing it to score points or be a [censored] I genuinely feel her mom isn't what's best for atm she needs mental help. 

Ex speaks to me for like 10sec off back of calls with daughter and it's clear has now spoken to solicitor as she's super over the top nice to me evidently trying to portray a different image for the courts I'm just really worried about the whole situation I can gaureente if the courts install a new order with contact unsupervised I will never see my daughter again she will run