[Solved] Dramatic turn of events

Life,

Made contact with the barristers clerk today and sent him a copy of the court letter by email, so am waiting on a reply once she has read it over. Hopefully she will advise me on the best thing to do.

As for the police issue, well thankfully I can get good advice on how to handle them and make sure that I deal with that in the right way - as my dad is a retired met police officer, with 30 years service. So he knows his stuff. He advised me sending them a letter explaining the position from my side, along with a copy of the court order which proves that my ex and I have to communicate to facilitate handovers/dropoffs. He also advised sending them a copy of all text messages and a copy of my phone records showing the calls made between the ex and I. He then said I should ask them to place my email and evidence on the case file, and ensure that the chief constable has a copy of it all too. So if my ex makes more harassment allegations, the police have a full history of the actual evidence of what has happened, and not just her word.

Other than that, it's a little up in the air right now. I think its imperative cafcass and the court know what my ex is up too. So as long as the barrister approves of my plan of action, I will fire off the letters and see what the court say. They may decide to bring the hearing forward. I really intend to expose my ex for what she is....nice as pie in court, but a contact destroyer outside of it.

Simon.

Simon,

So far so good then, sadly though a waiting game. having read your doc in the small hours, I can't see why a court wouldn't bring the case forward for you as this clearly shows both a lack of willingness to cooperate for the sakes of kids and secondly the breach of the order, which (I think you even said it to me last week) is sticking two fingers up at the court system who made the order in the first place.

I think your dad is on to something there, I think I want to take his advice too, back up my case(s) with evidence. That said, I've not yet asked them to pay her a visit. They said next time they wanted to issue her with a "PIN" I think it was called.

Our ex's seem to be head cases. Using kids as weapons should be illegal, I can't honestly believe some mothers can actually get away with what i would call pure child abuse. Its nothing less than that in my eyes and should be punished in the same way. Makes me so angry.

Rant over! LOL..

JT

Yep, certainly a waiting game here.

I think m ex is digging her own grave though to be honest with you.

She offered me her phone number shortly after the hearing in June, and then called me and stayed on the phone 2 hours just talking about general stuff. Out of the 8 phone calls we have had in 2 months, most of which are around the court ordered contact dates, she had called me half of the time. All the texts we have had are centered around contact dates. There is no mention in the texts of me asking her to get back with me.....so that evidence is pretty strong that I have not harassed her.

Not once has she asked me not to communicate with her by text or phone. So I can't be accused of doing something she has asked me not to. The point being, she had made an allegation and the evidence just does not support it.

So the judge will be wondering why she has done this.....in my position statement I will be stressing that it is either malicious in order to get back at me for not doing what she wanted, to obtain legal aid, or to try and turn the court against me. Neither of these motives are going to be seen favourably in the eyes of the court, so I m hoping the judge sees this.

Add to this the fact, like you say she has stuck two fingers up at the court order and just completely ignored the purpose of the order, or the spirit in which it was made. I will be stressing her lack of commitment to the order in comparison to me moving heaven and earth to ensure contact goes ahead.

I honestly feel, and have the evidence to back it up, that my ex does not promote contact by her actions. She pretends to do so in the spotlight of the court, but when out in the big wide world, she tries to control and impede it's progress. She is more interested in ensuring she feels no anxiety and worry than ensuring our son has a relationship with his father. She has her priorities wrong, and is not child focused. She will pretend to be child focused in front of the court, yet when away from the spotlight is completely selfish, and has no problems with making the scapegoat for her own emotional issues and failings.

She is a dangerous woman, mainly because the system protects her despite her bad behaviour, and sees me as the threat, when in reality I'm the loving dad who has done no wrong. This allows her to act with a degree of impunity in the short term, and do as she pleases while pleading that she is the victim. She only has to call the police again if I do something she doesn't like, and I will be arrested. My dad said that it is a possibility in the future, so I should be very careful how I communicate with her. Like I say though, I'm patient enough to gather evidence against her day by day and unleash it on her when the time is right. She will see soon enough the nails being quickly hammered into her coffin.

It annoys me that snails pace at which this proceeds, but I will not be beaten or scared off until my son gets what he deserves, and I show this dangerous woman up for what she really is.

These things don't affect me now like they did 6 months ago. I'm toughened up to this kind of [censored] now....and it only strengthens my resolve to "win". And I will "win".

Simon.

I hear you 100%..... In the beginning I too thought that i wasn't strong enough to get through this, yet step by step it's gotten not so hard to handle. I won't say easier because it's not an easy situation for me or indeed any other dad and their families. But I think like you say, toughen up is what I've done.

how sad though that us as dads should even need to do that.........

Also, I think your case and they way it's prepped is pretty water tight and I don't think any judge whom reads it all could deny that there is a serious problem with your ex's attitude towards everything child contact/dad related. For her it's more than obvious that it's personal against you...

However, you talk about evidence gathering, I now keep my mobile on audio record on each and every time I collect my son. So, when she makes an accusation its (A) Recorded and (B) Available for any authority to hear when they need to when she makes her accusation.

Although, that said. I feel somewhat scared every time I go to collect him, she argues all the time and makes accusations. why do women do that?? p1sess me right off...

Yet, my brother and his ex don't really get on BUT where their child is concerned they work together all the time... They might not agree about things but it's worked out. no courts needed. It is great and an example for some of our ex's as to how it should work.

life

It's a crazy situation to be in when you have to take measures in order to protect yourself against possible allegations from an ex partner during a contact handover dropoff.

For me, I can no longer have phone contact with her. I will only communicate via text or email, or via her solicitor. During handovers, at least until the next court hearing, when I can specify new terms for handovers, I will have no choice but to take my digital recorder to record handovers. Or I could just use my phone to video the handover in its entirety.

Also there is a police station close to my ex's home - I checked on google maps, so I may just insist that we meet outside the police station to conduct the handover.

Like you say, a very sad state of affairs when a handover has to become a military operation. But people like us have no option to do it, given the threats that are made against us.

What a waste of Police time and resources it's a complete joke, thats handy having your dad telling you the score the Police told me they are used to Mums calling them during court cases when they are losing control it's totally normal still to what your dad has said and you will be fine 🙂

After her reasonable behaviour following your last hearing and her inability to look you in the eye on the last visit, I can only assume one of two things;
1) perhaps she thought a reconciliation was on the cards and spat her dummy out when she realised it wasn't
or
2) as you have said, she wants to extend her Legal Aid entitlement and this was the only shot at doing this.

Be interested to hear what your barrister advises, great knowledge from your Dad though,

Fingers crossed..... 🙂

Would Legal Aid really be extended by an accusation of harassment...unproven at that ?
I wonder if she really has anxiety and/or emotional issues....because I feel that by her contacting the police
it is a calculated / deliberate act which she can (will?) use against you.
I am not sure about the Legal Aid angle though, through the events surrounding my grandchild I may have
become way too suspicious and cynical....
Sadly you will have to record everything from now on, it's not nice. "Life" has to do the same unfortunately.
I am glad your dad is able to guide you through the police issues, how long does a police warning stay on file for?

Take care
Kirsten

Kirsten,

When my ex originally got legal aid, the only way she managed to obtain it was by using a letter she got from a womens aid agency. What she told them is still to this day unproven, yet the LAA accepted it as gospel. At that time her false allegations had never been made to the police, so she had nothing from them to use to obtain legal aid.

This time of course, she has made a complaint to the police ahead of time for the hearing and conceivably it could be used to extend her legal aid.

Of course I intend to make sure the police receive my response to the warning they issue me asap, and insist that it be placed on the case file so that evidence is there in black and white to show the original complaint/allegation has no basis in fact.

I do think my ex's actions are motivated by various things - and really it is deep and multi levelled. I'm convinced her personality type lends her to feeling anxious or paranoid - such that she cannot even follow the court order. It's an irrational fear that something will happen to our son while in my care that prompts her to resist contact. She hates me for the breakdown of our relationship, and indeed I am the hate figure for all of the wrongs men have perpetrated on her in the past. She seems fixated on me and making me pay for this -by using our son, the courts, and the police.

Making false allegations to the police not only smears my good character and casts doubt on me, but it delays proceedings, and assists her in getting legal aid. Which of course she uses to fight me in court and deprive me and my son of the relationship we deserve.

I don't know how long a warning stays on file for. It's spent immediately, so I don't have to declare it to anyone. But if I ever have checks on me in the future, it will show up I imagine.

I do think though Kirsten, like you say, it is calculated and strategic. She has already been on to cafcass to posion the officer against me by bleating on about the latest false allegations. She loves to make herself look rosy thats for sure.

Simon.

Hi Simon,

sorry to hear of the latest dramatics. To clarify if you have not been cautioned, charged or formally warned you should not have to declare this. Any search with respect to jobs via DBS (or CRB) would only check to see if you have a criminal history. Even an arrest should not count as many people are arrested for the basis of questioning (particularly in the context of false allegations) and this would not impact your job applications in the future. Police officers are often arrested and it does not necessarily preclude them from working. Most job applications asked if youve been charged (not arrested) for this specific reason.

Personally I think your being more than reasonable and I would have actually gone to the station to report the harassment and abuse you suffered with respect to breaking the court order last weekend.
I would have done what you are going to do with respect to evidence and ensure the chief constable is made aware. I would also consider writing in a letter of complaint that it was inappropriate to come and warn you informally especially when they have not investigated the facts and gone on someones fictitous allegations and state they are abusing their powers for simple statistics, much easier to get good stats on fictious DV than catch criminals. They have not demonstrated fairness and impartiality.

Good luck

Boycie, totally agree with you.

I have spoken with the stockton police station front desk operator and obtained the investigating officers name and shoulder number. But he isn't in until tomorrow, so I will have to call back to speak with him.

The front desk clerk wouldn't give me any information really, but from what she said, they had closed the file with the outcome as me being giving a verbal warning.

Looks like I will speak to this officer tomorrow and ask the questions I need to ask, and then take it from there. But certainly will aim to write to him/ email him and send him the court order I have as well as the text and phone logs.

My dad mentioned something about contacting the chief constable also, so I will find out about that later on.

I do feel unhappy that they issued a warning without investigating properly - so am very tempted to make a formal complaint.

Simon.

After her reasonable behaviour following your last hearing and her inability to look you in the eye on the last visit, I can only assume one of two things;
1) perhaps she thought a reconciliation was on the cards and spat her dummy out when she realised it wasn't
or
2) as you have said, she wants to extend her Legal Aid entitlement and this was the only shot at doing this.

BOTH ????

Mine was not happy when she told me she was pregnant and thought that there might be a reconciliation and wasn't one. She actively tried to prevent me being part of the pregnancy ..

Simon, I hope things go well with the feds today, keep shouting as loud as you can to anyone that will listen.

You've got a great case there and anyone reading this from outside must only agree!