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I guess the heading "dont know where to start" is no stranger to every father that has been forced into a corner by an ex and there is Children involved , In my case its one little boy , Im 38 now but when i was 30 i was with a girl for a two years or so and i honestly thought she was the one , she had been through a hard time before and so was a bit of a nightmare to start , when she moved in with her two kids aged 7 and 9 life couldnt have been much better , she had been married twice before so whilst i was a bit wary i took the plunge, I treated her two children like they were my own , they even called me dad , we had some great times and then she had an affair with her ex and we finished , SIMPLE AS THAT , i never kicked them out infact i moved out because of the kids and said take your time to move out in and in the meantime i spent some time with my friend , 2 months later she was still living there and my back was hurting due to the sofa everynight at my friends , she told me she had finished the fling and she was sorry and could we give it another go , We did and very soon the subject of children came up and we decided to try for a baby , nothing happhend for ages and we split up again , same as before i was a gent and let her stay in the house until she was sorted , a month went by and i never heard from her , 2 months and still nothing , so i gave her a call and no answer , text a few times and text and still no answer , then she called me out of the blue and said the baby was mine , i felt feelings of [censored] what am i going to do and wow THIS IS IT , we spoke for hours and decided that even if we wernt together i would be her friend and support her all the way.By this time i had relocated back to dorset (200 Miles away) however without fail on my days off i would jump in the car at 4am drive 3 hrs and then be there in time for brekfast , i would run the kids to school and come back to the house and help her , i did this every week and two weeks before the baby was born i moved back in on a temp basis , to be there , by this time the house was redecorated , i was different too and my ex was ok , i was there when my son was born and for those of you who have been there too you will know what an amazing time this is.
You guessed it , i moved everything back including the kitchen sink , my company relocated me back to my old office and life was good , when my son was 3 months my both disallowed me to work from home anymore so i had to start commuting to london , after a coupple of weeks i got used to it , only this one morning i had forgotten my cash card and went back to the house , PLEASE BARE IN MIND I HAD ONLY BEEN GONE 15MINs , i walked in to hear moans and growns of a sexual nature i walked in the front room and she was getting it from her ex husband AGAIN , after i had ripped his head off i was released from the police station later that day on bail and told not to go anywhere near the house.She then told me that my son wasnt mine and she had used me for the house , CHARMING , anyway i got a phonecall saying that she was angfry at me and my son was mine and she wanted me to go to the Birth Registrar place with her , my name was put on the Birth Cert and i started giving her half my wages which some months she would get 2 grand , anyway due to all the stress , i lost my job , and 2 days after telling my ex she told me to stay away ,he isnt mine and im to stop paying any money. I wasnt having any of that and so i asked her to do a DNA which she histerically refused , then out of the Blue i got a letter from the CSA saying that i didnt have to pay anymore , when i called they said that she had proved by DNA that i wasnt his dad , when i exspained to the person at the CSA that i havnt had a DNA test , she laughed and said its usually the other way round , but there was nothing she could do , i left it a few weeks and went to the house and she had disapeared , that was 4 years ago , thanks to FACEBOOK i found her the other night , i am now married and have 2 step children that the adotion agency deemed me as a fit parent , now me and my woife would like my son to be in our lives , and she has said no , i dont know her address ,where do i stand and once i get her address what do i do , This little boy is clearly mine , put mine and his picture together and bingo
Hi Marcus123,
Thanks for posting and welcome to Dad Talk.
It sounds like a difficult situation with your ex a few years ago.
You seem really pleased that you have managed to find your ex online and you and your wife are interested in adopting your son.
Thats great.
What I can do is ask our legal experts to give their advice on your situation.
They can take a couple of days to respond. They will post to your thread so keep checking.
I'm not sure but would expect that your ex would have to be in agreement to you adopting your son.. lets see what advice the experts give.
By the way, I hope its okat that I've moved your thread to the Legal Eagle board - I think it fits in there.
Dear Marcus123,
We apologise for the delay in responding to your query.
The first option in these circumstances is to always try and agree something with the other parent, and sometimes mediation can assist with this. The mother has the right to refuse to speak to you or mediate with you.
At present, the mother is the resident parent and so has the right to decide who the child sees, so does not have to allow you any contact if she does not wish to do so, purely because the child lives with her.
If the mother refuses to allow you any contact, you do have the option of applying to court for this. You are able to apply to the court yourself or using a solicitor.
The court would look at all the circumstances, including whether or not you are the father of the child. The court can order DNA testing if the mother claims that you are not the father, and if the mother refuses to allow this then the court would presume that you were the father for all legal purposes.
Once it is established that you are the biological father, then the court would look at whether or not to grant you contact. As a general rule the courts are in favour of contact between children and both of their parents, however depending on the circumstances this may be very gradual to begin with, as the child should be able to develop a relationship with the parent before being left with them for any real length of time.
If it were to be found by DNA that you are not the father, then you would be very unlikely to be successful in gaining any form of contact with the child.
It is advisable that you follow the legal routes for gaining contact rather than attempting to go to the mother’s address as she would then be able to claim harassment and this can go against you. Once you find out the address, you or your solicitor can write to her asking for contact and mediation, if this is refused or ignored then the address can be used on the court application and the court would then contact her to inform her of proceedings.
If you are unable to find the address this is not a major issue as solicitor and courts have ways of locating people and may be able to use these to find the mother.
If a court order is put into place, then the mother is legally bound to comply with this, and may face penalties if she does not.
We hope that this information is useful to you, should you require any further advice please contact the Child Law Advice Line on 0808 8020 008 and an advisor will be happy to help you.
Kind Regards
Children’s Legal Centre
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