[Solved] Does moving out of the marital home matter?

The general advice is that you should not move out because you're then stuck with whatever access your STBX chooses to give you to the kids, and she has a much stronger hand. If she wants you to move out as well, sticking around can help focus her mind on bringing mediation to a close as swiftly as possible. Also, there is the argument that if things end up in court that they will favour the status quo - i.e. you seeing the kids whenever she feels like it.

However, if things get nasty, it may make more sense to move out, because you run the risk of her deciding to make allegations against you and get a non-molestation order or similar which could cause problems with seeing kids later on.

Personally, I stuck it out in the house on the advice of my first lawyer for a few months whilst we tried mediation. Once that was clearly an expensive waste of time, I swapped lawyers to one who advised me to move out somewhere nearby and commence legal proceedings asap, and stop messing about trying to solve it amicably. I'm due in court soon so we'll see how that plays out, but it's been loads better for my sanity, and the kids don't have to witness any fighting which I think is really important.

Bear in mind there was abuse and DV (her on me) in this case, so it was very much 'high conflict'. Also, the decision to divorce was mine - she didn't want to. If yours isn't that bad, it may be better to stick it out for a while at least. Either way, I'd talk to a lawyer before making any decisions.

I agree with the advice marwood has given, stick it out if you can...is there any way you can adjust the living arrangements, taking over a spare room. Perhaps spend more time at your parents and try and agree a plan that sees you both in the house at different times ...this could be done at mediation.

As marwood says, be very careful not to put yourself in a position where she could make allegations against you, once any kind of injunction is in place, it will make things much harder for you.

All the best

Hi there,

go out for a walk on evening or to the park with kids, remove yourself from the situation when you can.

Do not move out.

Yes it does significantly affect child care, financials, court if it goes that way.

Expect her solicitor to suggest for you to move out.... especially if you indicate that you have somewhere else to live.

Do not argue anymore, especially in front of the kids.... if she starts just apologies and remove yourself from the situation suggesting that it would be better if you bring up your differences with a trained mediator rather that where the children can overhear things.

have your solicitor write a letter suggesting shared living arrangement.... mon, wed you stay and look after kids, tue, thur, she stay and look after kids, friday you both lump it for sake of normality for kids, then each away alternate weekend, this gives everyone breathing space..... Also in letter make sure that she mentions you wanting things resolved through mediation rather than the courts and that every effort should be made to do so.

If issues come up then resort to using texts to communicate but keep it all clean, polite and to the point. make sure you use text or email as you need to keep all things like this as evidence in case things turn nasty.

Could start by.... text her 'communication is very difficult at the moment and you would like to sort things out amicably though mediation rather that having to resort to solicitors'.

Visit Relate website and read the information on 'help with separation and divorce' and then the information on 'help for children and young people'

start to concentrate on putting things in place for your kids, this will affect them as well.

I can not stress enough how you really have to start to look after yourself right now both physically and emotionally.

I would strongly suggest you take up regularly exercising, as well as anything else that might help relieve stress.

I know it all very raw and difficult but i hope that you can both work through matters

All the best mate

Good advice from Chainmail...hop you can get some workable arrangement in place.

Chainmail's advice is good, unless you find yourself in the position where you have to issue legal proceedings. Once we were there my 1st lawyer got 'stuck' as she said you'd have to issue some sort of prospective contact order as you don't have anywhere for the kids to stay. Also it was very clear that an already volatile situation would become downright dangerous once proceedings were issued.

But hopefully it won't get to that, definitely stick it out whilst you mediate, it makes your position much stronger.