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Hi All,
I'm new here and this is my first post , I'm just sorry it's such a horrible one to start off with. Basically I'm a 36 yr old dad of 4 amazing Angels. I had been with my now Ex partner since Nov 2001 and she had a daughter from a previous relationship but he ran away when he found out she was pregnant !! Basically I've been her dad for 8 yrs of her 11 yr life, We had 3 other children too and during our time I also got diagnosed with 3 rare and crippling bone, nerve and kidney diseases which made it very tough as a family. My EX was also sexually abused as a 14-15 yr old and this impacted her ability to be a good mother . It sounds harsh but over the last couple of years she just didn't want to be a mother and approx Jan 2007 she started an affair ( I learned it was sn affair in 2009) with a male she met online. She told me in Jan 2007 he was just an online friend who lived in Leeds but I found out nov 2009 he lived 12 miles away from us and is also a twice convicted paedophile by social services who had been investigating her etc. Anyway to cut a long story short on dec 2nd 2009 she just took off with our kids and ran away, We never had an argument or a split but after 3 days without a word she was found in Lancashire with thus paedophile !!
She was told by the police and social services to get on a train and return to Suffolk and to take the kids back or they will be removed and taken into care. !! She kept sticking up for this paedo and was adamant she wanted him and that he was innocent . The kids are now subject to an interim care order and our youngest has been re-homed away from his sisters and brother !! I didn't get them as I'm being assessed because of my disability. I thought I knew my partner and really did love her to bits, yes we had our odd argument but who doesn't. I just feel so disgusted, hurt, confused and angry that all of a sudden after 8 yrs my life has changed in 4weeks. I'm trying to get custody of my babies and my EX hasn't even made contact with anyone regarding the children. She hasn't bothered to see how they are whatsoever !! Basically I love my children to bits and I'm just so angry I'm being denied my right to be a father. I'm arranging support and help to show the courts I will cope with my children and I have a very good solicitor.
The only frustrating thing that's driving me crazy is I'm being messed about reggarding my access to them. I've seen them once since since dec 2nd 2009 !! I had a 2 hr visit on dec 18th and was told that social services would seek 3 visits per week for 1 hour each visit. They are now saying once a week as the children are in school so it's not possible to see them 3 times per week yet one of them isn't even in school yet!! I told my solicitor and he was fuming and in court this Tuesday he is going to challenge the renewal of the interim care order because the local authority are just breaking do many rules and promises . It's my poor children who are suffering and getting confused by all this. They want to come home with me and I'm just so scared they are trying to " steal " my babies from me.
I hope I'm not judged on here as I've had loads already from the gossip merchants in our town but the fact is...I've done nothing wrong at all, I have never hurt my children ever and always tried to be the best dad I can. I don't smoke , drink or do drugs and I don't let my kids be cheeky, rude or bad mannered. They go to school and I teach them love and respect. Their so called mother has chosen to put a convicted paedo before her kids and even though I've been told sexual abuse victims can't see paedos as non abuse victims do it still doesn't excuse the fact she has endangered and ruined those poor Angels lives !!!
I just want to know if anyone else has been or is going through the same sort of thing as me. Whever it be a cheating partner and how you coped with it or whever you've been in a similar position with the courts and your children. Anyway thanks for reading this and sorry it's so long winded.
Hi there,
I really am so sorry to hear your story. Thank you for sharing it.
I'm sorry I haven't been through the same experience but I do work in education with adults and children with disabilities. I am so sorry your children are now subject to interim care orders. Social services as far as I know try to keep families together. What were their reasons for saying you couldn't have the children? I find so often that social care just doesn't have the experience of disability and I find prejudice, discrimination and assumptions are just everywhere. So often they can't see beyond the disability. What about the emotional impact this is having on you and your children?? Just because you are disabled doesn't mean you can't be a fantastic dad. It drives me crazy. So many of my clients have lost their children. It's heartbreaking. Do you have a social worker for yourself as well or just one for the children? Sometimes when so many people work with a family, the parent's voice is lost in all the 'professionals' who can make you feel like you are losing control of your life!
I hope your solicitor has experience of the disability discrimination act (DDA). Didn't social care try a family group conference first? Basically it should be about support for the parent who is consistent and strong in your children's lives and that seems to be yourself. The Family Rights Group are helpful for some parents, have a look at their website at: www.frg.org.uk .
I hope others can help with the contact and court issues which I don't know much about. Best of luck,
jc
Hi there,
thanks for your reply and help etc. Basically we was on this child protection conference and was working with them but it turned out when social services and the police warned my My now EX to keep away from this friend/lover/paedo as he's a danger to your family plus how is it making your partner feel knowing you've lied to him about your true contact znd relationship with him. Well it turns out when she agreed to stay away she she was still meeting him and that's when one day she just fled and why the kids were taken into care . In the report I'm not even mentioned as being harmful nor gad I done anything to harm my babies. The worst but after 8 years is she lied and treated me and our kids with such hate and contempt. She has made no contact with anyone about the kids period !!
I was told that they would be put in care because I use crutches to walk longer distances although I have managed to start using one crutch due to medication I'm on for my bone and kidney disease starting to work plus physio keeping me reasonably fit and limber if you like. I'm not completely incapable of doing things but things like pushing a buggy is a problem , I live in a bungalow with a walk in shower/ wet room so things like picking them up into a bath is not an issue . I can cook by sitting on a stool in the kitchen so it is minimal things I'll struggle with. Their school is about 1 minutes walk so if I get help with somebody who can sit with Ben my youngest then I can take them to school ok.
There is a social worker but she says she's for the children but liases with me. I don't have one as such but I'm due for a meeting on Monday with a ss worker regarding me getting direct payments assistance . My solicitor is excellent and is a child law specialist, I'm sure he is aware of the disability discrimination side and I have been in touch with a group called the disabled parents network who are assisting too and providing help on the disabled side of it.
My kids are absolutely going crazy when I see them on the 18th of Dec. They just kept hugging me and telling me they live me and want to come home to me and live there again . Only one of the kids mentioned their mum and to be honest I think they really do dislike her for what she did to them. I pray I get them back and I can finally get my life back on track, get a cure finally for my problems and get back out into the world like before. I'll contact the group you gave details about so thank you so much and I'll post on here how it all goes. I'm in court again Tuesday and should have access on Friday but my solicitor is so angry he's going to demand more access. Thank you again Sir î•
Hi there
Firstly, welcome to Dadtalk.
I'm sorry to hear about this situation and I can understand how devastated you must be feeling. It sounds as though you have an excellent solicitor working to get regular contact with your children in place and I hope this situation can be resolved so you and your children are reunited as soon as possible. I will Iask one of our experts to give you some advice as well. It can take a couple of days for the expert advice to arrive. Keep watching out for their reply.
I know that you are getting advice through the disabled parents network but you may also be interested to know about another organisation called Homestart. This is a charity who help parents who have children under 5. It might be jumping the gun a little right now, because at the moment your children have been taken into care, but if you log on to their website http://www.home-start.org.uk it will tell you more about them. They visit families in their own homes to offer support, friendship and practical assistance.
I hope this helps.
Hi RyanUK4174,
I am sorry to hear how suddenly this had all happened. It must be a real shock.
I haven't been in your situation but wanted to give you my support.
I am horrified that you have been treated this way by social services if its just a matter of you getting the right support with your children. I certainly would have expected you to have regular contact with your children from the onset of the Interim Care Order. It is unfortunate this separation between you and your children is happening. If I understood it correctly your childern had been living with you until early Dec 2009, so your children are very used to living with you. And you ex had been doing everything behind your back so you hadn't any opportunity to keep them safe. I hope that you now have a 'loud voice' through your solicitor. On Tuesday I hope your solicitor can get it that you can see your children something like 2 or 3 days a week, eg after school.
On one hand I fully understand why social services have acted to protect your children from the situation your ex had put them into. However, I would have expected social services to take onboard your parental responsibility for your children. I sincerely would have expected social services to provide all help you need to have the children living with you, if not now then as soon as possible. To this social services would need to do an assessment of your situation and how to proceed. You should expect social services to be clear why your children are not in your care - if they aren't the your solicitor can help you be clear about why. I hope your solicitor can do their very best for you.
Its sad your children aren't together during this interim care order - I guess your youngest finds that difficult not having his sisters & brother around him. I can only assume social services had no way of housing them all together. Perhaps this is something else your solicitor is annoyed at.
I hope you can get all the right support around you in the is situation. Not only family and friends, but also professionals who could make contribute to making your living with your chidren a reality. I wish you all the best.
Keep posting.
/mister orange
Hey again,
Best of luck with seeing your own social worker about direct payments. This can be quite complicated in my experience but I hope they know what they are doing and support you well. Through direct payments you should be able to get someone to look after your youngest while you take the others to school and things like that etc. It seems you really need a relatively little amount of practical support to help you with the children and they (ss) should have sorted this our rather than split your family apart.
Don't be afraid to say you are unhappy with social services and what they have done to your family. Feel free to go straight to the child protection conference chairperson or the manager or right to the top (often the director of children's services at your council). The more you speak out and remind them you are there, the more likely they will do a better job. They have discriminated against you as a caring dad and as a person with a disability.
All the best mate,
jc
The reply from the Children's Legal Centre was that they recommend that if you have any legal queries that you revert back to your solicitor.
They did state however that if your children are under interim care orders then it is possible for the Local Authority to determine how much contact you have with them. This is because the Local Authority currently hold a higher level of Parental Responsibility than you. If you feel that the contact is insufficient then this is something that your solicitor should be addressing at the next hearing.
They are sorry they cannot be of more assistance but if you have any other child law queries which your solicitor cannot deal with then please call their Child Law Advice Line on 08088 020 008.
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