[Solved] Directions hearing over, what next?

I know actd... You wouldn't believe it could happen!

Had it been a father that had been doing all of this, he wouldn't get contact ever! But the mother is Teflon coated...at least at the court we attend. I know there are great variations across the country, were just unlucky in that respect.

I can't believe what I'm reading NJ, I thought the courts were all for the children why can't they see the difference between the kids? What gets into these women and why do they act like they do my ex went completely off the rails from the second she found out she was pregnant and she done exactly the same with her first child, it's sickening 🙁

It's very disturbing the situation that us dad's find ourselves in. And like NJ, it's not just the dad that is affected, it can be the rest of the family too.

My ex was one person during our relationship, and during pregnancy, and most noticeably afterward is a completely different person. The lovely girl I knew while we were together is dead to me now - replaced by a cruel and wicked individual.

But that brings me on to another point, what happens to these people that causes such a drastic swing in the personality? Are they really just in a minority and unbeknownst to us all, suffering with a mild form of personality disorder that is magnified during pregnancy.

With my ex for example, at 17 she was sexually assaulted (raped),by a friend, told no one about it and as far as I know did not receive adequate or appropriate counselling for it. Earlier than that, she claims to have been beaten by a kid, along with he sisters, by her father. So are there emotional issues festering over years that are causing an imbalance that is set to go off in the future?

So as you can see she has been a victim in the past, at the hands of men she knew, there's no disputing that. I wonder when I really examine it, what effect does that have on the personality or the mental state of that person. Can the hormonal imbalance that triggers during pregnancy really send someone over the edge? In my ex's case she was also loaded up with Prozac during that time after birth of our son, and to this day still is.......

The other thing is, a lot of women like to talk to others about this and that by itself has it's problems. I hear about so many men, like me, who just find their partners have disappeared with the child, and we are left to wonder why???? I mean, why does this happen? I think that with the internet and forums etc it's easy for a woman to complain about wanting to leave a relationship and be advised that she can do this and that to get rid of her male partner, thus woman can be encouraged to behave this way.

In a way the woman in question starts to believe her own lies, and in essence a cycle of positive reinforcement begins. She is told to behave a certain way to get what she wants, and then starts to believe she is a victim, and then for everyone else she tells afterwards, and is told in response how bad it must be....well, it just reinforces the lie over and over again.

My ex, who had everything on a plate for her, who was privileged, who was never once hit, threatened, abused or name called, is now the biggest victim you can imagine. She is attending womens aid organisations, MARAC, and even is getting special help for our son who she claims to be affected by domestic violence.

It's crazy how she has just decided she is going to be a victim, and play that role to a tee. My problem with is all is, you still haven't provided any shred of proof that you are a victim, and that I am responsible. And that goes for a lot of men, where is the proof that we all did what you claim??

But as said, I think a rational women wouldn't do this type of thing. I think for some of us we are just unlucky to have developed a relationship with someone who has severe emotional issues that have developed over a long number of years, and finally it comes to boiling point - thus unleashing these strange people we can't identify with.

The real victim of course is the child involved. I can handle all the [censored] that is thrown at me, and keep on going - but can any child realistically handle the emotional pain of not knowing his/her father truly, or being forced into the role of one of life's victims by an irrational and disturbed mother....I don't know....

Simon.

I think we just have to hold firm and believe the right decisions will be made in the end... We are back to court in June and there's all kinds of police and CPS records, section 7 and risk assessments yet to be filed with the court, which when the judges sees them should have the desired effect. I've said it before, a case can seem to be going badly but the outcome is a complete turn around...fingers and toes crossed!

Simon, you're right, it is disturbing! There are many stories here that tell of women who were once loving turning into something bordering on evil....or at least unbalanced. The scary thing is there's no way of knowing until its too late sometimes.

In defence of most separated parents, the vast majority are able to come to agreements about the children that work and put the children first....it's a small percentage that go badly wrong and end up in court. It just seems that it's more common because people don't come here to tell us about how well they managed their split! Dads arrive here because they are in trouble nine times out of ten.

That's true - many many separated couples do indeed manage the split well and do what's best for the kids.

I know a woman in her mid 20's who was indeed abused by partner. Verbal abuse, smashing stuff up in the house, jealous rages, throwing her out on to the street by her hair e.t.c

They are getting divorced, yet she still advocates the kids spending time at their dad's house on a overnight contact basis every other weekend.

Other splits have no domestic violence involved, and the parents work out an arrangement for the best interests of the kids and that parents.

Of course on this forum, we only hear of the bad stories, as it's where folk come for advice and to tell their story. So yes, It's good to keep an open mind and realise not all cases are like we hear about.

I think where they are like we hear about on here, it's most likely the woman is suffering with a personality disorder, as in my opinion, rational people do not behave like this.

I just wish during court proceedings, they could highlight where the woman needs help with her issues and get the appropriate treatment, as without it, it allows the problems to continue.

Simon.

I'm not going to go to deep into it but I've had just about everything bad possible happen to me during my childhood some things which I'm not over yet but it's sent me the other way I've always tried to do what I believe is the right thing and I want to protect my Girls from what's happened to me, my ex isn't interested what's right for the Girls it's all her, her, her and I can't believe the courts will protect her at all costs.

I've been out and about over the past 5 days and not one person has said keep fighting for the girls all of them say why are you bothering with one child thats not yours they think I'm putting at risk any contact I'll get with my daughter it's shocking really I will not be wavered I'm gonna fight until I can fight no more, until I'm bankrupt but there is no way I will lose the plot as I think what I'm doing is right, like you said NJ i'm putting my trust into this phucked up justice system of ours and hoping for the best theres nothing else I can do.

Everyone things I'm crazy for representing myself too.

I think that's where the mind is such a complex thing. You can't predict long term really what a bad experience is going to have on someone. For some, it can linger with them for a lifetime and manifest as a problem later on. For others, its what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger, and you move on from it a better person.

Slim, there are going to be people who aren't in your shoes that think they can give correct advice and tell you are crazy for doing what you believe is right. I can tell you that only you know your love for that young girl, and if you believe she is worth fighting for then the opinions of others are worthless - not worth entertaining.

I think to a degree we are all little crazy for trying to navigate the FJS on our own lol. But for most of us we don't have a choice, for if we all had a boatload of money we would surely get a top barrister with years of experience to fight for us. We only stay as LIP because we don't have the funds to do otherwise. I think for most, going to court, going up against solicitors that want to see you fail, is like going into the lions den with a toothpick, but then somehow some of us come out of the other side still alive and kicking. So it's not all doom and gloom.

Knowing that others are travelling the same path gives a sort of comfort, in that you know you aren't the only one doing this. And if other normal blokes on here can go to court and survive, then so can we.

After all, we are fighting to make sure our kids have dad's in their lives.....I think that makes us more sane than people on the street imagine!

[censored] yeah great words of wisdom right there mate! I do have an underlying feeling all will be sorted in the end, people are saying I'm stupid for not getting a solicitor but most of the solicitors I've spoke to have said go it alone for the first couple of hearings and when it starts to get tricky then seek advice.

I'm going to fight until I can fight no more I don't care what anyone says and at least I can look both girls in the eye when they are older and say I've fought tooth and nail for them.

I wonder if my ex will ever realise what a [censored] she's being she did admit to been a cow during and after her first child she also admitted to being drunk all of her life too and she regrets being such a [censored] to the father of her first child, he ran for the hills and has never bothered I'm never going to give up 🙂

If you can go it alone, then I'd do so - I used a solicitor and barrister and it cost me £40k+ in fees (and that was 8 years ago, and with a 20% discount because of family connections), and my ex was deliberately wasting time which added to my costs. Even if you need a solicitor, do as much work as you can to cut down on costs.

As for doing what you are doing - I think pretty much everyone on here is with you 🙂

Yeah man I think I've been listening to people to much and worrying about everything, the peeps who have said I need a solicitor have been through it have lost their houses cars ect and ended in shed loads of debt.

It's took me by surprise how many of my family are against me treating both girls as one because the eldest isn't mine, thanks so much for the support it means a lot 🙂