[Solved] Difficult contact arrangements. Ex partners.

Hi Paul

Sorry to hear you have been going through this sort of thing. Unfortunately, it is something members here see, and hear of, time and again.

In my answer, I assume you are in England or Wales; that you and your Ex were married - and/or you are listed on the birth certificate of your son - so that you have what is known as parental responsibility for your son - as his mother does.

Firstly it is fair to say, that what works for two parents and any children, may not necessarily be how a family court view things. As a general rule, parents should aim to resolve things without resorting to court, if they can - and there exists a range of non-court resolution methods available to parents to help sort out their difficulties. Indeed, it is now a requirement before a judge will hear a case in court that parents attend an initial mediation meeting (known as a MIAM), although this can be waived in certain circumstances.

The view of family courts, is that it is the child's right to have a meaningful relationship with both parents. Access to a child is not a "parental right", as such. While this often seems counterintuitive, this is a useful definition for a father on the receiving end of hostility from an Ex, and being denied access. Anyway, the issue you have is that of your Ex interfering with your parenting time with your son.

While reading my answer, you may want to look at this "interpretation" of Parental Responsibility:

http://www.thecustodyminefield.com/flapp/parentalresponsibility.html

1. As long as your new partner (and you do not say if you are married to your new partner) is not a "risk" (as CAFCASS would define it) to your child - your Ex has no basis in law stopping your child from seeing/interacting with your new partner. When you parent your child, during your contact time, it is fundamentally unjustifiable for your Ex to attempt to frustrate, interfere, disrupt or curtail your son's contact/parenting time with you - except where she has a genuine concern for the child's immediate welfare (i.e. if she believes you may hurt the child, or abduct/leave the country with the child) - i.e very few situations. Taking a dislike to your current partner out of bitterness, jealousy or just to be awkward is not a valid reason for disrupting your parenting time (and similarly you must not disrupt you Ex's day-to-day parenting of your child).

(That is not to say your Ex cannot/will not make allegations of harm to CAFCASS - there are step parents (and grandparents) here that can testify to this).

2. Furthermore, a child has the right to play a "full part" in the life of both parents. This includes contact with grandparents and your new partner (and any new children) as these people form part of your life, to which your child has a right to play a part in.

You can read paragraph's #17 and #20 in the judgements of this recent case:

http://www.thecustodyminefield.com/flapp/caselaw/2014-ewfc-B215.html

While the law "is on your side" regarding interference from your Ex in your day-to-day parenting of your child, the only way to "enforce" it is to obtain a court order - which means going to court. An alternative is to attend mediation (which as I mentioned is a prerequisite to apply to court, anyway) which is often an excellent way to resolve differences and to help parents see how their actions impact their children, etc. You can find a mediator here:

http://www.nfm.org.uk/

Hope that helps

Thank you very much for your in-depth answer to my question. I am not married to my new partner, however, I am on my son's birth certificate so I do have rights. I would very much like mediation with my ex partner, alas I don't think she would agree to it.
Once again, thank you for the informative answer.

Paul

Hi
No problem. I should say, my advice here (like any advice you may receive on an anonymous, public forum) does not constitute legal advice (as I am not in possession of all the facts, for one thing) - so should be treated as a guide to your own research/enquiries into legal advice.

I should clarify, although I think you got this point, that you do not need a court order to confer parental responsibility (if you already have it by virtue of being named on the birth certificate, or otherwise). Although, it does sometimes help clarify matters when a party is acting in a hostile manner - as can sometimes occur during, or even long after, separation as one or the other parent may act on "emotion", and may not fully appreciate their role in protecting their children's rights.

Lastly, you did not say how old you child is, but in my answer (since you have him for weekends), I have assumed he is not very young (as this may again influence the view of a family court).

Mediation can be an excellent alternative to court (as couples come to a mutual agreement - rather than having something imposed on them from a court) when parents take part seriously. But, when dealing with a hostile parent (possibly seeking retribution or wanting to make life "difficult") it is not uncommon for them [the hostile parent] to refuse mediation. It is worth pointing out, that even after an application to court is made - mediation can still be offered and engaged in (although this is then an additional cost on top of court). Sometimes, the notification of a court hearing can be enough to "force the hand" of a hostile parent to engage in mediation (albeit not entirely of their own volition) - and the result of mediation can be placed into a court order. It simply depends on how "entrenched" that parent is, and their level of hostility.

hope that helps

Hi Paul this sounds similar to what I'm going through, I'm awaiting the mediation process

Have you got any proof of the threats? How old is your son?

I'm sick of being told what I can and can't do

Jackson

Hi Jackson.

My son is six years old. I do have proof of threats as some are via text message. The hostility has intensified since I've been with my new partner. I guess it is a case of bitterness and jealousy.
I am seeking advice with my solicitor this week. I hope you can work your situation out.

Paul.

Hi Paul this sounds similar to what I'm going through, I'm awaiting the mediation process

Have you got any proof of the threats? How old is your son?

I'm sick of being told what I can and can't do

Jackson

Drop back in and let us know how it goes!

Hi Jackson.

My son is six years old. I do have proof of threats as some are via text message. The hostility has intensified since I've been with my new partner. I guess it is a case of bitterness and jealousy.
I am seeking advice with my solicitor this week. I hope you can work your situation out.

Paul.

Hi Paul - do drop back and let us know how it goes.