[Solved] Did your ex ever chill out and calm down?

Give it time Slim, once you have your order and she sees what a great Dad you are, maybe she will soften slightly. Does sound like post natal depression may have given a hand here?

Partner's ex is still doing the same, although the other thing I PM'd you about has calmed down over the years.....

Took my and my ex a good couple of years to reach agreement and we're relatively amicable.... There is hope.... All you can do is try. Everyone loves a trier 🙂

Not for me……separated late 2009…..
Late 2010 forced to take her to court for stopping contact with my little one (Grrr I hate that word)....
Ever since then its been battle after battle – defending myself against vile allegations and lies
Even when she was proven a liar in the Finding of Fact in 2011 she still continued to try and prevent contact as and when she liked.
Enforcement proceedings in 2012 and several enforced / then reinforced court orders still didn’t work…….finally mid 2013 I had no other option but to ask the courts to act on their enforced order penalties for breaking their order and find her in contempt of court and send her to prison (Committal proceedings!) I failed on that one due to a technicality in not filling the application for committal form with in the correct legal way/terminology.
The judge did tell the ex that had I filed it correctly he would have accepted the application and issued a 3mth suspended sentence that even if appealed would be seen by the appeal judge the same way and stand.
Funnily enough I’ve not had too much hassle of her since then although the more than one day per week is still in place I’ve also had a couple of overnights but she’s very reluctant to let me have more…..i fear I may have to ask for an amendment to the current enforced order to specify the further contact that was only “an expectation of the court” as they put in the current order.

I’m always optimistic that she will realise eventually that she can’t stop me having a relationship with my child and just let go and allow our child to have the time with his daddy.

And I pray that Karma comes calling on her!

I did ask the Mods a while ago to put a new section up where we could share our success stories to give inspiration to others to show there can be some light at the end of the tunnel that isn’t the 13:30 to Kings Cross !

Not a chance......Over 8 years on and things are worse than ever..... so much for people moving on.

personally, I have had no contact at all with my ex for some years now - the biggest problem may come if my son ever gets married as I would think we will both be going to that (as things stand at the moment, neither of my daughters would want my ex at their wedding). I'm actually quite happy at the lack of communication - I have no desire at all to be friends with her, not so much because of our past, but specifically because of what she put my children through (and has always blamed me, my daughters, and anyone else she can think of) - that is something I am not prepared to forgive.

It's so sad that people can't get along for the childs sake, has any one ever done any research on the likely long term effects this will have on a child? Surely for parents that dont speak nor get along is almost certainly going to emotionally mess the child up as they grow older? If a childs parents cant succesfully continue some sort of relationship with each other then how does this then effect the childs future relationships in life? We are all role models for our children and if both parents can't teach them about relationships then our children have no hope. Ifind myself in a position where my child is facing a life time of us never getting along. There will be no mother and father attending parents evenings, there will be no parents showing a united front. There will be no us calling each other to talk about the child and make decisions together. Instead the courts are always going to be involved and decide every decision aboit our childs life because we will never agree. All this court stuff feels sort of like aprison sentance for my child. All of our children are victims of relationship break downs. The courts should be doing far more to sort these problems out between parents and for the parent who continues to be hostile then they should be given harsh penalties.

The sad thing about relationship break down is that there is inevitably hostility and resentment, that in many cases never goes away. It is there to stay.

For us dads that find our ways to forums such as dad info to get advice and to share our stories and support others travelling the same road, we find that there is always a common thread that runs through the story - the ex is in most cases bitter and hostile, and overly willing to use he children to strike a devastating blow against the father.

It's not like this for everyone. There are of course, and I know of many, couples who have split, and are able to put the differences aside for the kids. The situation remains amicable, and the parents share in parenting the children without much problem.

We on the forums are just the cases where the ex partners have an inherent personality disorder and a sever lack of emotional maturity. Who in their right mind uses a child to hurt another parent, and abuses their right to a relationship with another loving parent? It is an act of unspeakable cruelty for one parent to deny a child a relationship with another loving parent. Yet these women do it without a care in the world.

Can these women change? It would be wonderful if they could, if hostility could change to peace.

In my case my ex has mellowed out a lot after the last hearing in june. What caused this I do not know....but what I do know is it is good for my son.

I do hope others that wish for better relations with their ex partners find a way to make that happen. Perhaps it is just something that will happen over time, as of course the court process seems in most cases to exacerbate ill feelings. For those that get to the end of proceedings with contact orders, and court fades in to the background, time can heal and relations can improve.

Then again I have heard of ex's that remain hostile even once a contact order takes place. It's inexplicable really, but I'm convinced these people have mental disorders that cause them to behave the way they do.

Life is strange, but we do what we do for our kids, and as long as the conflict is at a minimum, perhaps that is the best we can hope for?

Simon.

It's inexplicable really, but I'm convinced these people have mental disorders that cause them to behave the way they do.

From my experience the above statement is very true!

These type of women all seem to show the same traits & behave the same way, they are a small minority though

It's uncanny how similar a lot of Dads stories of their exes are.... My friend having the same problems over in America, they sent me this, trust the Yanks to have it described as a condition.....Have sent this link to a couple of Dads on here, provides a little light relief, whilst being very true 🙂

http://www.shrink4men.com/2011/05/17/does-your-wife-or-ex-wife-have-a-golden-uterus-complex-15-characteristics-of-the-golden-uterus/

The site itself is actually really good and worth a nose around!

I swear it's pre-natal then post natal depression with my ex, she is the sweetets thing going and the second she finds out she is pregnant she turns into the [censored] from [censored], she did the same to the father of her first child and he ran for the hills although that piece of S**t didn't wan't a disabled daughter I'm sure my ex thought I'd just walk away like he did.

She has tried everything she can to make me walk away or kill myself and I think her drinking has played a big part in all this plus she resents me as that's why I finished her in the first place.

They have been away on holiday for a week since the court hearing last week and I've spoke to her two sisters who said she is slightly mellowing a little but she's fuming as the courts have made her attend a freedom course to get over the abusive we had, so she's really shot herself in the foot making up all these false allegations of abuse now she's paying the price on having to do the course. Unlucky.

She often said to me that she regretted the way she treated the father of her first child and admitted that she was a [censored] to him but that was 4 years later so I wonder if she will do the same with me?

I don't love her anymore in the slightest but I do miss our friendship and I hope we can retrieve something for the sake of our daughter as she'll be loads happier if we actually got on, she's moaning she cn't got out for a drink and hasn't for 8 months, she could have is so much easier as we worked brilliantly at a team looking after the girls I literally can take 50% of the stress away I'm just hoping she wises up sooner rather than later as I'd hate my Girl growing up between conflict I did and it screwed be up for 30 years of my life.

Slim

Slim, you have done everything right. Hopefully one day she will see this and it's good that her sisters say she is mellowing slightly. You can't do anymore than you're doing, you should be proud of yourself for what you have achieved so far. Not many people have your spirit and fight.

Your little girl won't grow up with the issues that you've had because I'm sure you won't let her. My Dad was the same as yours and know first hand the issues that it leaves you with.

Keep on at it kiddo 🙂

I've got many good friends in America as I've dj'ed over there loads in the past 3 years and they have it worse than us male and female, money talks over there and the person with most money for the best lawyer wins, the couple I stay with over there both got their son and daughter taken off them, my mates wife has not seen her daughter from when she was 8 months old she will be 13 now and my mate has only just got to see his son after 15 years going through the courts.

His ex wife has took him to court and the courts have totted up the maintenance over his life time and they are demanding $170000 they have took his passport off him and he's not allowed to leave the country until its paid off thats why he can't come over to see me.

His wife put her ex through law school paid for the lot and soon as the baby was born he went for custody of her and won, they both knew she'd be taken so they jumped bail and done a flit the police caught up with them and banged them in jail for 10 months. shocking.

Although our system is a back of S*it altleast we don't have anything like that

Slim