[Solved] Despondent

Hello,

Thanks for that! I'm not planning to apply to court but just state my intentions. I've confirmed with both GPs were my son is registered and there have been no recent appointments for him. I@m sure the Ex will be a pain to me for the rest of my life but i just want to put a marker out there that she shouldn't be treating our sons contact time with his father so frivolously.

Being pulled pillar to post today! Received confirmation son is better and has gone back to nursery and that I can have him after nursery. Received another text a short while ago saying he is now unwell and that he has been removed from nursery and that i may not be allowed my contact tomorrow as well as well as today's contact being cancelled. Nursery did confirm son is unwell.

Just really annoyed as I arranged to leave work early and travel back (100 miles) to pick him up today and i'm more than capable of looking after him even if he is sick.

Puppet on a string!

What is mean to happen in future? every time he is unwell that contact is cancelled? What about if he gets sick when he is in my care, am i meant to hand him back!

so [censored] frustrating!

You're in the middle of proceedings. Keep a log and let it go, if she doesn't communicate on issues or replace contact, then let the court know when you go back. I appreciate it's easier said than done.

Cheers Yoda

Took a deep breath and calmed down. Need to stop worrying about the future and concentrate on each day I guess.

So Saturday contact took place. After i saw my son was well i text and politely asked if i can have him for longer due to the lost contact mid-week. I was shocked but she agreed but not after a long winded reply etc. A few more texts were exchanged and it seemed for the first time in three years my ex was actually being amicable and considerate, or so i thought...

Yesterday, I received an e-mail directly from her saying that she will be reporting me for tax evasion if i don't pay her £340 a week. I have no idea where she got this figure from, i currently pay about £21 per week which is going to go up to £65 which i have agreed to but only after i receive correspondence from CSA. She has said she wants to sort this out by a family agreement using our solicitors otherwise she will be contacting HMRC. I have no idea why she is doing this or where she has concocted this tax evasion scenario from. There were the usual guilt trips about her having limited job opportunities as she will not return to work until our son is in full time care which is more than 2 years away. More rubbish about private school at 3+ and now our son wont be able to go private school and that she needs money for rent even though she is living at her parents, who will never ask her for money. Plus they are both retired and stay at home all day so i don't see why she can't go back to work.

I've got a right mind to tell her to pi$$ off but want to keep things amicable as possible. £340 per week! does she expect me to be homeless!

So I thought I'd give an update and hope it it may help others

01/02 had a Dispute Resolution Hearing. Up until the last hearing the ex had begun communicating with me and was being amicable at times and a maniac at times (facebook posts, calls to the police, social services etc etc). I just kept my head down when she was going off the rails and did not retaliate at all. I had the non-mol in place but I just thought if I did get the police involved the only thing it is going to achieve is make the ex more defensive and angry, which in turn would make it more difficult going into the hearing. This was difficult as the abuse was aimed at family and friends.

So I've ended up with the below.

What I had
Wednesday 3pm - 6.30 pm
Friday 3pm - Saturday 6pm

What I got now
Week 1
Tuesday after nursery 3pm - 6.30 pm
Thursday After nursery return to nursery Friday morning.
No weekend contact

Week 2
Tuesday after nursery 3pm - 6.30 pm
Friday 3pm to Saturday 2pm

From the beginning of April Week 2 will extend from Friday 3pm to Sunday 10am. After a couple of months, it will extend to Sunday 2pm and after another 2 months it will extend to Sunday 6pm. It will stay this way until the little man is four and then it will be Friday 3pm and return to Nursery Monday morning.

I'm quite happy with this although I did not get any holidays. This will have to be revisited when he is 4 years old. My barrister and opposition said they both believed the judge made a mistake here, but the judge was extremely arrogant/stubborn and would not budge when questioned about this. I didn't want to dispute and go for a final contested hearing. I was told by my barrister, who sits as a district judge as well, that if i contested it I would definitely get holidays but may not get the midweek contact which the ex had already agreed to. So i let it be and settled and decided to bank what was given.

The ex tried to delay any increase in contact till December and also came up with some feeble excuses about separation anxiety etc. I was quite shocked by this as I made my proposal with her input. Anyway the judge really liked my proposal and ordered it. Also the ex agreed to having the words "Shared care and child lives with both parents". I was over the moon about this,

Overall, I'm quite happy with what i have ended up with. In hindsight, I regret bringing up all the incidents in court. What I mean by that is, even though all I did was tell the truth, the only thing that came of it was to make the relationship between myself and my son's mothers strained for the considerable years to come. Sometimes I think that if all I did was apply to see my son, things would have been more amicable, but then again I probably wouldn't have the contact I have ended up with.

Thanks for everyone support and advice!

Hi

Thanks for sharing and I'm glad you have an arrangement that you are happy with. See how things go, you never know, once the dust has settled she might start agreeing to some holiday time and if she doesn't, you can always apply to vary the order further down the line once all your midweek contact is well-established.

Hope it all goes well for you!