[Solved] desparate

I have just spoken to solicitors. Unfortunetly it is not legally binding till it has been through the courts with a consent order. It just feels like it is a waste of time going mediators because she keeps changing her mind. God all I want to do is spend time with my son. this is hard work

Hi,

It's not a waste of time, even if it feels it as if she makes an agreement in mediation and this is sent to the judge for an order to be written and she then challenges it, the judge wouldn't look kindly to it at all.

At the stage your at you are doing the right thing and being the bigger person which may not seem to be getting you anywhere but sometimes baby steps and staying ahead are better than big leaps and have to go backwards before getting anywhere again.

GTTS

So the mediation report does go to the judge? I thought it was a confidential thing and wont be seen by anyone else?

If you gain an agreement then this would get sent to the judge (just the agreement) part of things and not the discussions that led to it.

It's from this the judge would write the order, so if she agrees in mediation and the challenges it the judge would want to know why and may see it as game playing or stalling to drag things out.

GTTS

...you would both have to agree to a consent order and agreements made at mediation can be disclosed in court if you both agree to the disclosure.

An agreement reached at mediation is called a Memorandum of Understanding and it would be this that you would ask to be written into a consent order.

Right. What if she doesn't agree to giving it a judge? I don't know why she wouldn't apart from not getting her way or do we arrange it before we start?can you do that? Is there anyway I can overrule it? It is also for her security not just mine. I am trying to think about both of us and to get an agreement from it all. Then little man will know what is going on every week. He is the main one at the end of the day. I dont really care about me or her. Just want him to be happy, secure and in a routine.

Colin,

That is exactly the right attitude to have towards this and so many parent forget that this is actually involving a childs life and battle to the end to make sure they don't "lose" when they have actually already lost as they have forgotten the main thing, the child.

I would be very up front about wanting it made into a legal order before you even attend mediation, then there is no surprises, as you say you want this to protect the 2 of you, but mainly your child.

If your ex then decides she won't attend mediation, then you will have to apply to court, but everything you have written here would lead ne to believe you are going about this in the right way with 100% the right attitude.

GTTS

Thank you I will give it a go. You lot are really helpful. Never been here before and think I would be going insane if it wasnt for you all. I have the meeting in a couple weeks. I am just scared she stops me seeing him if I say I want it made into a legal order. Do I wait till I have had the first meeting (assessment) then say they have advised it? I am not trying to trick her. Just dont want her to stop me seeing him. I want it amicable. and seems like at the mo she is being if you get me. Feel like I should do small steps.

Hi,

That one is your call only you know her and can guess how she will react, but sell it in the right way and hopefully she will go along with it to protect the 2 of you and again the most important your child.

Baby steps is the way to go, it will save you time in the long run, too many people forget the little person involved and go steaming in full steam ahead and then regret it.

Keep doing what you are doing and if your in doubt about anything shout and we will try and help.

GTTS

If your initial appointment is just between you and the mediator, to discuss what you want from mediation and the issues that you need help with, then why not discuss your wish to have it made legal....You can ask that it be discussed with your ex at the beginning of the first joint session so that everyone is clear about what they want from the sessions and the desired outcome.

If you continue to put your child's best interests at the centre of all your decisions then things are more likely to move forward in a positive way. There is no way of knowing how she may behave and even with court orders in place, she can still play games with contact.....if you can get it right and develop a good working relationship as parents then it will become easier.

Thank you so much I will let you know how I get on or if things change again. Got to sort it out for Little mans sake!!