Welcome to the DAD.Info forum: Important Information – open to read:
Our forum aims to provide support and guidance where it can, however we may not always have the answer. The forum is not moderated 24 hours a day, so If you – or someone you know – are being harmed or in immediate danger of being harmed, call the police on 999.
Alternatively, if you are in crisis, please call Samaritans on 116 123.
If you are worried about you or someone you know is at risk of harm, please click here: How we can help
hi all, i have been split from my partner (never married) for over 6 and a half years now, the split was not too bad and since then had my daughters now 18 yrs 5 months and youngest 10 yrs 7 months every weekend and wednesday evenings till 8 for the first 2 to 3 yrs and since then every weekend except the last weekend in the month which i had to jump through hoops for to have some sort of life. i pay the mortgage on the home where they live as my maintenance which is way more than what i would pay if i wen t through the child maintenance scheme . i moved into a shared house where i still had my daughters and eventually got myself a two bedroom place. i used to go halves on all clothing with my ex as well. she has had two other relationships since we split and has introduced my girls to both men who were not bad men but they are no longer in my childrens life. i have never introduced my girls to anyone i may be seeing as its just not what i'd do unless it was that serious.
my ex is a good mother but does use the kids to try and back me into corners and i guess make me feel guilty for leaving, yes there was a reason i left and it was not due to infidelity.
my children have not suffered too much yes the initial split was horrible but over the years things have got into a routine and all were happy.
i went on holiday for the first time in 8 yrs for 6 days none of the days were when i was meant to be with my children. i told my ex i was going on holiday 4 weeks before i was going. holiday was at the end of june told her the end of may and have not seen my children since i told her.!!!! my eldest has txt occasionally and finally got to speak to both girls on the phone on yesterday sunday the 31 of july!! both girls want to see me and we'd made arrangements to meet later that day and my eldest said she'll tell her mum as she didn't want any secrets. their mum told them their not allowed to see or contact me unless its a court order!!! i can not believe what is going on!!! is she allowed to do this? i have never put my girls in any sort of harm in any way ! they have had regular holidays every year which i have also contributed to but never been on and now because i have been on holiday and not taken my girls i'm the worst dad in the world!!! i never even paid for my holiday as it was a gift from my girlfriend. she said i needed a break as i work every week of the year except a week off at xmas. my ex is ruining all the years that have been built up between myself and the girls. yes there is a lot of history but the plain facts are my ex didn't like the fact i went on holiday and is now punishing me by stopping me from seeing my girls. i need to know what route i can go down to gain access to see my girls as am now sure this is not going to resolve itself.
It's a sad fact that women do this time and time again using the children as weapons to get back at the father I'd say 99% of the dads on here have experienced exactly that including me.
Try not to worry too much this can and will be sorted out, If I was you I'd call her bluff and go for a court order (a child arrangement order) they a relatively easy to get one and you don't really need a solicitor you can self represent pay £215 for the application and crack on it should be relatively straight forward as there doesnt seem to be any domestic violence ect.
Now before you can make an application it is mandatory that you try mediation first which is where with the aid of a mediator you can try and come to an agreement for contact between you and the ex.
So your first point of call would be to contact a mediation service local to you and they will send a letter to her inviting her down for a session this may kick her up the [censored] and she may realise she's being a prat as they'll laugh her out of court stopping you seeing the children because you went on holiday.
If she doesnt turn up or it fails then you can get the c100 form signed off by them to enable you to make an application to the court a c100 form is the one you need to fill out to make the application for a child arrangement order.
Stick in there it's tough not seeing your kids I never seen my new born for 10 months it was a killer but in the general scheme of things it's just a blip in your life time, keep your chin up fella you got to be strong for the kids.
Take care
Slim 🙂
Hi There,
.
As Slim has said , from the sounds of things your case should be pretty straight forward, and if mediation fails then you would apply to court and I can't see a judge taking too long to sort things out.
.
A couple of things to mention, if you do end up in court then the order would be for your youngest daughter as at 18 the court wouldn't rule on the oldest as they are able to make up thier own minds, I would make sure you mention that your ex has stopped the 18 year old from seeing you in both mediation and then court if you have to go that far, as I'm sure your ex would get reminded she can't stop her from seeing you.
.
Also ensure that if things do get as far as court that when you submit the C100 application form that you ask for an interim order to be made at the first hearing to re start contact as soon as possible, as some judges won't consider giving an interim order unless asked for, so you would then have to wait until maybe the 2nd hearing before you'd get to see your children.
.
GTTS
thanks slim, its just all a bit of a shock not seeing my little girl knowing she wants to see me, an update i spoke to both my girls on tuesday when their mother was not around my eldest phoned me seems she is playing with their lives to suit hers which is no surprise but my lil one was so excited when i said if she's not doing anything i'd come see her. my eldest wanted to as well but said she would ask her mum which got the reply " the only way he's seeing keira is if a judge says so!!! think court it is and am pretty dam sure she won't go for mediation! have already sent her letter and email asking for mediation and have had no reply as of yet. gave her 14 days to reply or i'd see it as you don't wan't mediation and will press ahead with getting the forms sent out. once again thanks no doubt i'll be back here soon lol
Hi There,
.
You will need to contact a mediator and have them invite her to a meeting, if you don't do this you won't be able to get the C100 form signed be a mediator and won't be able to apply to court.
.
GTTS
Welcome to the DAD.info forum.
We don’t like to set ‘rules’, but to make sure that you and the other dads are kept safe, we have some requests. When engaging with the forum, please be aware of the following:
- The forum is not moderated 24 hours per day.
- Many of the moderators do so on a voluntary basis. Whilst they may be able to provide some guidance, advice or support, they may not be able to deal with specifics.
- We are not an emergency crisis service so if you or someone else is in immediate danger, please call emergency services.
- If you are concerned about the safety of a child, please click here to find the support you can get for them (link to new page)
- If you are in crisis, please call Samaritans on 116 123. They are open 24 hours a day, 7 days per week.
We hope you find this forum a supportive environment and thank you for joining us.