Welcome to the DAD.Info forum: Important Information – open to read:
Our forum aims to provide support and guidance where it can, however we may not always have the answer. The forum is not moderated 24 hours a day, so If you – or someone you know – are being harmed or in immediate danger of being harmed, call the police on 999.
Alternatively, if you are in crisis, please call Samaritans on 116 123.
If you are worried about you or someone you know is at risk of harm, please click here: How we can help
This will be hard to believe! I have a two year old with my ex,, we parted last April. I went to the house, on my daughters first bday. She refused to let me see her or give her any presents. She had previously called the Police claiming to have be harassed. I sent her some text with some own truths and also told her that what she will do in the future.
basically I got a harassment warning Only(July 2013) not a caution or order! an order does no exist.
I sent her an email to say I was not being funny but I was changing the WI FI as I moved into my Mums, I said in the email I was not being funny as she called the Police; but given her a months notice! I wrote on the email; this a non abusive threatening email. she called the Police and tried to get me done and charged with a caution! Anyway she made me go to a supervised contact centre in Jan 2014, for no reason: she claimed that she did not know where I lived and didn't know where I worked! ( she used to drop me to work!). I saw my daughter every two weeks for 2 hours only.
In June she saw my new property and let me have my daughter Tuesday and every other weekend Friday - Sunday.
In July I was suspended from my work ( I work with young people) it turned out someone called up anonymously and it turned out that my ex claimed I was in an inappropriate relationship with a young person! The child got moved from her home( she lived there for 2 half years) and I got suspended. I was off 4 months, my employer said it was my ex who claimed this and also claimed that I had broken my harassment ORDER! Does not exist! they then said I had been given a harassment caution( again never was given a warning!). from July I still had to go to my ex house, knowing the lies and malicious allegations that she had spread. The police made it clear that I was never given a caution or an order did not exist!. In my hearing they stated that they had no evidence to support any allegations and the child told the police to f*** off as she sees me more as a father figure. My ex has yesterday tried to gain an order at court and I have to attend Tuesday. she has claimed I am into drugs and alcohol and I did not know when she text me who I was! I had a new phone and a number text me( it was here) it only said 'weds 29th yea'. I didn't know who or what it was about as it did not say its her or about my daughter. she also now claiming welfare issues due to my job! (she caused these allegations!) Police interviewed the child and nothing to act on. I also interviewed 8 staff and they said I was amazing as a key worker. The company dropped the allegations but terminated my contract for safeguarding and worried about company image!, I have worked there 6 years so this is now an appeal and probably a unfair dismissal. I had an allegation in 2003 but the YP SAID she said it was made up and just fantasy. The Police decided to keep it on my crb even though the YP SAID IT WAS MADE UP AND FANTASY.
Any advice would be helpful and welcome.
My ex wants to make it an offence if I don't bring my daughter back but again stopped me seeing her until we go to court! sounds hard done by I appreciate other men are worse off. I have lost my job but on going battle my car and nearly my home! disgusting what she has done! imagine going to the house, and not being able to challenge her as she would have stopped me seeing my daughter again!
Thanks
From the picture you paint, your ex sounds like every other ex on this forum - one highly screwed up and mentally disturbed individual.
False allegations are damaging in and of themselves. Sometimes they just hurt the feelings of those that they are said against, other times they do that and also cause other serious problems too. I know in family court through experience, and from the anecdotal evidence of many others, if a woman is caught telling lies, nothing much happens to her other than a slap on the wrist. Think of the mental cruelty it amounts to, to subject another human being to false allegations, most times of criminal nature, and to let them suffer for it. But yes, the family court sweep it under the carpet, and do not punish the one who makes false allegations.
In most of these cases, how do you prove the loss and the damage these allegations caused you? It's very difficult. And of course is why most guys in family cases, never bring a defamation suit against the ex partner making the allegations because the costs far outweigh the benefits or the result of doing it.
I think in your case you have suffered provable losses here - your job, your pay to date whilst unemployed, your pay for the future time you remain unemployed due to her allegations. The stress and worry of the results of her allegations.
You have provable losses as a direct result of her actions. I think if you sought proper legal advice on this, you would get a proper verdict on your chances of success with bringing a defamation suit against your ex for what she has done.
Of course the thing to bear in mind is the costs of it, whether you will receive compensation, how much that will be, and most importantly, how that would affect your child financially.
Also of great importance is how any other legal action would affect your ongoing contact with your child. Certainly any legal action from you against your ex would only increase her hostility and result in even greater acrimony.
When kids are involved the ex partner (woman) if she chooses to do so, has us men over a barrel, because there is not much we can do. Anything we do, will often affect the relationship we have the kids, which really is what is most important to us. We do not want all the bullshit that these women bring to the table.
It's a tough one for you......good luck with whatever you decide. Definitely have a consultation with a solicitor (usually 30 mins free) and get a feel for the bigger picture of any course of action you do take. My first thought is she should not be able to get away with ruining your career....but I'm not a legal pro.....
Simon.
Welcome to the DAD.info forum.
We don’t like to set ‘rules’, but to make sure that you and the other dads are kept safe, we have some requests. When engaging with the forum, please be aware of the following:
- The forum is not moderated 24 hours per day.
- Many of the moderators do so on a voluntary basis. Whilst they may be able to provide some guidance, advice or support, they may not be able to deal with specifics.
- We are not an emergency crisis service so if you or someone else is in immediate danger, please call emergency services.
- If you are concerned about the safety of a child, please click here to find the support you can get for them (link to new page)
- If you are in crisis, please call Samaritans on 116 123. They are open 24 hours a day, 7 days per week.
We hope you find this forum a supportive environment and thank you for joining us.