[Solved] Dad's rights after seperation

Hi there

Unfortunately, this is a problem that arises far too often, if the mother is unreasonable about shared parenting after separation then it's an uphill struggle and will often involve mediation and court. If you can, try and work with her and agree to contact progressing in stages as your child becomes more independent... that would be the best solution for you all. Separation can cause a lot of upheaval and bad feeling, hopefully things improve with time, but if your break up is fresh it's likely to be unpleasant at first...worth bearing in mind.

Because your daughter is still very young, she is still fairly dependent on the mother who is usually the primary carer when the dad is out at work full time. This can be reflected in the contact that a court would order. It would usually start with shorter visits, more often, but the fall back position for most courts is a full weekend every fortnight, with a weekly visit midweek, extra time for holidays and shared Christmas and birthdays.

It's impossible to predict what contact you can expect, it's always best to try and negotiate between yourselves if at all possible. Where that's not possible, mediation would be your first option to try and get this sorted out and if that failed, an application to court for a Child Arrangements Order is the only other option.

You might like to suggest working on a parenting plan, this would give some definition and may help you both to work out how best to move forward and co parent more successfully. I'll get you a link to the CAFCASS Parenting Plan and to our own splitting up app.

All the best

http://dadinfo.splittingup-putkidsfirst.org.uk/

https://www.dad.info/forum/legal-eagle/38959-cafcass-parenting-plan

Hi,

As I and many others have found out it is far, far better that you try to keep this out of the court arena.... it will be an up hill struggle for you if you push her too much now and she takes it there..... and she could do on a whim.... you'll have read some of the issues on here.

I know how hard it is when you've been a good dad and your there every day but the reality is that mothers do hold a lot of cards in there favor.... it really is best to swallow any pride you have and try to keep things amicable and negotiate a bit around what she's offered... but don't expect too much from her because she can make this extremely difficult especially if she gets advice from places like.... well there's a lot of advice out there that she can access...... just try to keep things as amicable as possible as you'll see your daughter more consistently in the long run.

The advice from Mojo is the best that your going to get anywhere.... and offers the best chance of a good result for your daughter and you to spend as much time together as possible.... if you can manage to keep your feelings in check.... follow the advice and deal with this objectively..... again a very, very difficult thing to do at times.

you may have to accept seeing your daughter a lot less for a start..... and give yourself and your ex time for things to settle down and for you to start researching all your options for the longer term..... remember little and often with you daughter now is better than non at all.... depending on how your ex is.

Give yourself time and find out all the options and potential pitfalls first...... i would say take the next twelve months and accept what she offers if she's not prepared to negotiate at this moment in time as long as your getting regular time with your daughter..... keep reading and work out a long term plan and the best way you are likely to achieve this..... emotionally things are probably very difficult right now and will impact upon your decisions so tread carefully.

For a 9 month old the normal to have short but frequent visits every week id say go with what she says for now but once there 1 or 18 months of be looking at 1 overnight per week say Friday 18.00 till sat 18.00 with wed as a visit after work or something ,as they get to 3 or 4 the norm is full weekend Friday day 18.00 till Sunday night every 2 week's you'd be suprised how long that feels ,but sit tight she may stop access for as long as court takes for 6 months or more to the sake of them ordering 2 hours a week ,then up the heat around 18 months id day then you know the court will defo order overnights ,weekends by then,sometimes you have to pretend to be friends for a more relaxed outcome tho

Mojo has given excellent advice. If you can't agree soon, then try mediation asap, it might be your best bet at this stage.