[Solved] D day approaching final hearing advice.

Sorry to hear MrB179, I know the feeling when you think things are starting to improve, only for something to happen that brings the whole thing 2 steps back. All you can do is shrug your shoulders and keep going.

I can't really give much advise because I'm behind you in the process, but give it your all and keep going, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

There will still be time just before you go in to court to negotiate - you might find the solicitor will help you do that.

Whatever points remain - the court can make the decision on. Nobody can predict what an individual judge will decide if left to them.

With regard to Shared Residence - you tell the court that is the order you are seeking and why - they will then decide.

If holidays abroad and arrangements for passports are not detailed in the order, you might find that she won't allow them further down the line.

Lay out your points in a Position Statement and take this with you on the day. Hopefully you will get most of them agreed before you see the judge.

Best of luck.

Let us know how you get on.

Thanks for your response Gents.

I'm not to disheartened superprouddad I thinking had my head in the clouds thinking the ex would be reasonable but the likelihood is she will be a pain in the [censored] for next 16 years but I'm however confident I should get a fair outcome and worse case a bit longer progressive build up and of course more money on legal fees.

Thanks for advice Yoda. I need to look into this residents order a bit more as I'm only aware that this gives her more rights then me and I don't think that's fair and will need to make a valid point.

I think with the timescale to court that the concent order is well out the window so fingers crossed for final hearing and I will post the end result.

I think the fact that you had agreement that was translated into a draft consent order, which was subsequently changed afterwards, might help you to argue your case.

I agree with Yoda, prepare a position statement and mention that a draft consent order was drawn up after negotiation, only for it to be changed without further consultation. State that you have a copy of the first order with you, if the court wishes to see it.... it might help to consoloditate your position.

As far as a shared care agreement, it's allows for the child to understand that he/she lives with both parents, has two homes, and it offers a presumption of equality between the parents which should encourages more effective co parenting.... in theory.

Where an order states that the child lives with one parent and visits with the other, it gives the "resident" parent a sense of being more important; and can be used to make the other parent feel like the lesser parent.

It has nothing to do with the amount of time spent with each parent, it's much more about equalisation of parenting roles, decision making and by its nature, should promote more flexibility and more broadly, assist cooperation.

There's lots of research/case law about shared care, it might be helpful to have a read to give yourself a better feel of what you want to achieve.

All the best

Thank you Mojo for pearls of wisdom.

I will continue for shared care as I feel although if nothing changes much I feel it seems more of a fair understanding. If I don't get it I can live with it as the most important thing is the time i recive with my child. I think that the ex really wants to have the feel of control or more power over me with a residents order and although i should not really care my pride tells me that I want to be treated equal and fairly.

Not long now and the finish line is in sight.

I'd be wary of how you make the case for shared care. You risk being seen as not putting the child first if your argument is that it seems more of a fair understanding.

Previous case law for shared care can be found at http://www.thecustodyminefield.com/flapp/sharedresidencecaselaw.html, and links to research that supports shared care is at http://thecustodyminefield.com/shared-parenting-research/.

I haven't read those yet, but for me the case is simply that children benefit from having 2 fully involved parents in their lifes, and a shared care order encourages that.

I can also demonstrate that I have been involved in the child's upbringing since I first learned that he had been conceived up until the moment the mother stopped contact, specific examples of which include, attending pre-natal appointments with mother, holding mother's hand as she gave birth, holding baby's (tiny) hand as he seriously struggled for the first 5 minutes of his life, taking full paternity leave, being actively involved in baby's care (nappys, bath, bedtime routine, attending multiple GP appointments with baby, being present during some health visitor appointments, feeds, washing/sterilizing bottles), visiting childminder/nursery and participating in the decision process, playing with baby, lots of videos of baby having fun when he is with me, taken him to swimming lessons since he was 4 months old, etc ...

The other thing that may help is laying out a vision for how you want to participate in the ongoing upbringing of your child. For me this includes specific things like teaching him how to ride a bike, take him (alongside mom) to his first day in school, reading him bedtime stories, helping him with his homework, etc ...

Cheering that your daughter grows up with 2 fully involved loving parents, because that will make her thrive more than anything else.

Thanks for your detailed reply, I will look into them previous case study skills. I will not argue that it's so I feel better that it's shared care but in the best interest of our child as I know the courts Base the whole process around the child's needs.

I will be carefully making notes on how to prepare for my hearing. My hearing is listed for only half a day and 30mins each to give evidence. When I was last in court they seem to think this final hearing should not be to complex and hopefully this is the case.