[Solved] Custody / Joint Custody Advice

Hi

I'm afraid it's difficult to prove who the main carer is, and I fear that because you work and your wife doesn't a court might be inclined to think that she is the main carer. If she doesn't do this, what does she actually do with her time - is there anything you can do to show that she is not caring for your son?

At seven, CAFCASS might well talk to your son, but his wishes will be taken into consideration and not necessarily acted upon - at that age his opinion can be reasonably easily moved either way, and a court will be very aware of this.

I'm not sure about moving child benefit - one part of me says that it's a good idea, but another wonders whether it would simply be seen as a ploy and that you ex could easily prove that it's been paid to her until now.

Not good news but thanks.

Why is it better to be a bad mother than a good father?

It's not better - it's just assumed to be the other way around unfortunately.

Actually, having said it's hard to prove, I would certainly start keeping a diary of events and the periods you look after him, and try to back it up with photos etc. It's certainly better than nothing.

Hi Fraser,
It is hard to imagine how you would show that you are your son's main carer whilst you are away at work, unless perhaps you work from home?
I'm guessing this issue will come down to money, if your wife has not been the main carer then she will soon enough realise that it will be enormously beneficial in terms of what she gets from the estate, spousal maintenance and child maintenance if she is seen by the court to be so. Unless she has no interest in her son I suspect she will insist she has been his carer, and it would be almost impossible to prove otherwise.
Frustrating, isn't it?
Best wishes,
O

Thanks.

Yes it is frustrating that because I work full time what I do for him will be ignored. Especially as I get him ready for school, take him to school, come out of work to pick him up because he does not want to be picked up by his mum (who didn't even know where his new school was until 3 days before he started), I then do his reading, homework, feed him and get him ready for bed. I deal with all the school admin, after school clubs, parents evenings, concerts etc as she shows no interest and I am the only one who will play with him, be that lego, xbox or whatever.

I am sure that you are right about what you said especially as he is her 'meal ticket' so I am going to have a fight on my hands.

Good luck Fraser,
This is (again) a well trodden path I'm afraid.
O

I would start by getting evidence, perhaps letters from the teacher confirming that you do all. The drop offs and pick ups, parents evenings etc.

When he finishes school does he go into an after school club until you pick him up? That would show that even though she doesn't work and is able to pick him up at the end of the school day at 3.15, she leaves him to be looked after by others until you can pick him up.

As actd says start keeping a record of everything you do for him and try and think of ways to evidence this.

Good luck

Thanks for this advice - I will start doing this.