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Hi im after some help and advice please.
ive been with my partner 30 years married for 7 and have 4 kids . 3 of the children are over 18 and 1 is 10 in 2 weeks
my ex because we are married couldnt get me out the council house that we live in so she made stuff up and got a non mol on me , no proof , no evidence, just her word. i went to first sitting and got that dis missed and udertakings in please. so non mol is no longer in force. what she then did was get on occupation order on me to get me removed from the house by which time i decided just to leave on the day of the hearing. so i left and am staying with friends which i have known for over 25 years.
my son who is 9 10 in a few weeks does not want to live with his mother as she smokes drinks smacks his [censored] doesnt feed him proper and spends his child benifit money on going out at weekends.
she had agreed that he can live with me and i even have a statement from her saying that. but shes changed her mind. she even sat the child down and asked who he wants to live with and he said me .
at this moment he is living with me at my friends house
probelm i now have is she has started proceddings and i have first hearing in 2 weeks and im not sure what to expect,
my son is always clean tidy i take him to school on time every day . i have got him signed up for self defence classes which he loves.
my ex never use to let him out the house because she has OCD so he never really got to make friends . i have changed that and we are now always out. my son stops at his sisters house and sees all his brothers and sisters every week . i have asked his mum by email if she wanted to see him last saturday and the replay i got was she had already made plans. going to watch football with new boyfiend
i have a caf cass phone call coming up on friday and not sure what to tell them as i know i cant [censored] about her.
because of her ocd she has not really been able to love and hug the child due to the fact she doesnt like contact .
any advice help please
You are right that you can't [censored] about her, but you can state facts, and make sure you give praise where due. If you have any evidence to back what you are saying, then you can show them that.
If court order CAFCASS to get involved they will take in to account your childs wishes and feelings based on age, maturity and understanding. as yours has already stated and is now living with you then keep child focussed and ensure that CAFCASS understand that this was his decision and backed by his mother.
sounds like she's missing the child benefits / tax credits or whatever it's called these days hence her starting proceedings.
stick to facts, remain child focussed, show them how well your son is doing in school, in his self defence classes and with friends etc..
hi thanks for answering back any advice on the sort of questions i will be asked on friday when they call me ?
also what happens on the first court hearing .
when you state the fact . so i can tell them she attacked me with a knife in front of him.
how much will they listen to by son who is 10 in a few weeks . he has not been asked to be spoken to yet ,
You will be asked all sorts of questions relating to your relationship with your son, his relationship with his mother, your relationship with her etc.
If she attacked you did you report it to the police? if so then you should tell them that as she sounds a potential risk to you.
if you have any evidence of these the abuse that you have suffered or have reported them to the police then state that to the CAFCASS person...only things you can prove will help you....everything else will be classed as your word against hers...."bitter ex -vs- bitter ex"
CAFCASS won't talk to your son until ordered by the courts to do so, their call with you is for them to get the background of the issues and to report any safeguarding issues to the court.
If or when the are ordered to speak with your son they should ask him what he wants in all this and they will use their "tools" to identify if he is being coerced in to saying things or really feels that way....at 7 they took my child's wishes and feelings at "face value" despite years and years of evidence that parental alienation and the ex's anxieties were influencing factors.
CAFCASS officers "opinions" can be a lottery from the stories for and against that you hear and read. but don't get worrying about that for now.
stay child focussed....state why it's in your son's best interests to remain with you...be factual...be truthful...be child focussed...his needs outweigh yours in all this.
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