Welcome to the DAD.Info forum: Important Information – open to read:
Our forum aims to provide support and guidance where it can, however we may not always have the answer. The forum is not moderated 24 hours a day, so If you – or someone you know – are being harmed or in immediate danger of being harmed, call the police on 999.
Alternatively, if you are in crisis, please call Samaritans on 116 123.
If you are worried about you or someone you know is at risk of harm, please click here: How we can help
I'm currently going through the courts to keep my two children living with me
My wife walked out on us in July after a load of arguments about her drinking the highlight being in march when she came home drunk wet herself and attacked me physically I was so worried I rang 101 and asked for an ambulance to come out to her
In may she said she didn't want to be with me anymore which I accepted but wanted to keep it civil so suggest she found a flat and could see them when she wanted
We recently moved I had always worked but my wife got a job so I became primary carer/ house husband
After she left she didn't see the children for nearly a month and the social services became involved and did a core assessment which went in my favour and the children told them they wanted to stay with me
She has now applied for custody and we have had the first hearing which she has accused me of all sorts including domestic violence
There was an incident in april 2012 where we had an argument and I stupidly slapped her face and got cautioned for battery and in may 2012 I got arrested for breaking a chair in my own home and got pepper sprayed by the police and allegedly hit one and got a conviction for assualt police
We have a new social worker and he seems to be focusing on these things and has said that I should go on a domestic violence course but apart from one incident in 18 years which I regret I don't think I fit the category I probably could benefit from some anger management but not DV
Anyway this new social worker seems to be focused on these incidents and not on the welfare of the children I have photo evidence of my wife drunk and nearly unconscious and the children have told the social about times where they were out with her and she was so drunk strangers had to get them into a taxi but they don't seem bothered
I'm worried sick that they are going to give her custody and move them from the family home because of my past mistakes I have a solicitor after friends have loaned me money but I feel like giving up it's all I can think about
The next court date is march
Hi there
Try not to think too much about what might happen, best to concentrate on your case and how to present it in the best possible way,you have the initial assessment from the Social Services that’s in your favour and the fact that the children have been with you in the family home for nine months, by the time of the next hearing. Courts are loathe to move children once they are settled and there would need to be good reasons to do so
Generally courts would consider anything that happened in 2012 as historic and wouldn’t set too much store by it. As the social worker is focusing on it, it might be a good idea to put yourself on an anger management course now, so that you can show the court that you have taken advice on board, at the same time arguing that the events of 2012 are historic, but nonetheless you have sought to address their concerns by attending anger management. It’s always a good idea to take a pro active approach.
Are there other reasons a move wouldn’t be good for the children, is her accommodation appropriate, would their standard of living be affected by the move, would they have to move schools. Can she provide the after school/nusery care that you are currently providing, or would moving them mean they would need to be in the care of childminders? These practical things are all good arguments to make.
Best of luck
All the best
Welcome to the DAD.info forum.
We don’t like to set ‘rules’, but to make sure that you and the other dads are kept safe, we have some requests. When engaging with the forum, please be aware of the following:
- The forum is not moderated 24 hours per day.
- Many of the moderators do so on a voluntary basis. Whilst they may be able to provide some guidance, advice or support, they may not be able to deal with specifics.
- We are not an emergency crisis service so if you or someone else is in immediate danger, please call emergency services.
- If you are concerned about the safety of a child, please click here to find the support you can get for them (link to new page)
- If you are in crisis, please call Samaritans on 116 123. They are open 24 hours a day, 7 days per week.
We hope you find this forum a supportive environment and thank you for joining us.