[Solved] COURT TRIAL

You said that your main worry is that the burden of proof is lower than in the criminal courts. To my cost, I've discovered that this "burden of proof" boils down to an opinion. In the criminal courts, evidence would be taken into account - in the family courts, it means nothing. This "opinion" doesn't even have to rely on facts - in fact the judge in my case completely ignored facts that were on official documents - his decisions literally contradicted those facts as if they weren't written in black and white.

I had recorded evidence that I had not done the things I was accused of. Recorded! It still made no difference - if the judge takes a dislike for you or simply sides with the mother, he can decide that you are guilty without any evidence. How is this justice? The British justice system is supposed to be the finest in the world, but as far as the family courts are concerned, it's a totally different ball game.

When my story started, I had no idea what was going on in the family courts. It's not the kind of thing that men talk about. I think for the women on the playground who discuss their relationships more in-depth, it's a different story. Had I known the stunts my ex was about to pull with all the lies and false allegations, I'd have started recording her much earlier. When we split up, she was actually trying to convince me that I'd done things that I hadn't - it was as though she was talking to another person, as though I wouldn't actually know what I'd done or said. When I pointed this out, I had suddenly developed memory and mental health problems, according to her.

But then, once it's happened to you, you start hearing stories, watching youtube video's, going on forums and realising just what's really going on.

There's this thing called the "no order principle" which basically mean that the courts won't get involved unless there is a dispute between the parents. At first glance, that sounds sensible. But then what that does is promote a fault-based system which turns parents against each other.

It's bad enough that the government are promoting this kind of system but it's even worse that mothers are condemning their children to live without fathers by taking advantage of it. And if you object, before you know it, you'll be seeing your kids "supervised" through a contact centre. And there's nothing you can do about it.

So my advice to every dad going through a rocky relationship, or has just split up, record everything. Keep as much evidence as you possibly can. Because you can almost guarantee that your ex won't give a [censored] about you in 6 or 12 months when it comes to things like custody, child benefits, maintenance, etc. You never know what you're going to be accused of and before long you'll be in a fact finding hearing with a judge that is biased in favour of the governments policies that support mothers no matter what they've done and condemn fathers no matter how innocent they are. And throughout it all, your children will suffer, because now they've only got one full-time parent.

How likely is a no contact order? and can i appeal it or fight it?

My ex was recording our hand overs from the start and me been naive to all this i had no idea why she was doing it.

She has been through this before so new exactly what she was doing, like one big set up.

I was upset because of the things she had done cheating, lying etc so acted with aggression some times not that i every hit out at her but i know it will be used against me.

I dont trust the system that i am about to enter one bit,

I really don't know. Every case is different but I've just appealed the "decisions" the judge made in my finding of fact case. You can only appeal if an error has been made in law. Now how is the average father supposed to know about errors in law? By stopping legal aid, unless fathers can afford solicitors and barristers, you don't stand a chance because nobody will give you legal advice. Not the CAB, family rights group, childlawadvice, etc. The only chance you stand to win an appeal is with legal help - how convenient is that? A system set up to turn parents against each other, with a huge industry making fortunes from fathers who haven't got a clue!

And yes, your ex was already wise to how it all works - surprise!

My only advice (this was actually given to me by a solicitor who was kind enough to help) is to turn the tables - show why you acted the way you did. Explain that your aggression was because of her cheating and lying - and anything else you can think of. And get evidence if you can. You're right not to trust this system and the quicker you wise up and understand what's happening, the better chance you stand of being a part of your children's lives. Give her no excuse to make you look like the bad guy - be whiter than white. Better yet - have no contact with her at all and do things through a contact book.

When explaining my own situation I often say that I went to bed one night and woke up the next morning in the Twilight Zone. You’re right, it is all so unimaginably bizarre.

I had everything thrown at me, rape allegations included. The ex swore to the Court that I had never had any input in my children’s lives prior to the breakup and that I was incapable of changing a nappy.

I researched every waking moment, swallowed being arrested by pig thick police officers who seemed to think they were judge, jury and executioner and cried rivers of tears whilst constantly waking up in cold sweats eat night - for years.

Ultimately, fighting the system is not a viable option when you are in the midst of it. The best bet is to suss it out and make it work for you. Jump through all the hoops, expect the unexpected and above all stay calm.

It took me almost two years the first time. I will be going back shortly and it will likely take 6 months. These things drag and whilst everything seems biased towards the mother, eventually, if you are lucky and methodical, you can overcome it.

Yep i too have had the bad dreams, cold sweats and tears.

Had to stop my self going to the Ex's and punching the front door though to get to my son.

It mental torture and guess what because your a dad no one gives a [censored], if your a mum the whole world stops to help you.