Court order advice

@bill337 

That is correct. At least the OP retained an overnight contact. He could have lost it. This is why the court recommends that parents try to work something out between the court could order arrangements that neither parent like. 

Hopefully might encourage the OP’s ex to be more cooperative and refrain from applying for court orders in the future.

yep, agree.  thanks all for offering views and advice

Posted by: @aj2016

yep, agree.  thanks all for offering views and advice

I would also like to add the following that applies not just to yours but al child arrangements applications. 

In family court judges sit hundreds CAO every year. They prefer following precedent as it’s the path of resistance. Ordering cafcass recommendations or mirroring a previous order makes a judge’s order less susceptible to an appeal or being overturned through a variation.

Therefore, parents who seek bespoke arrangement’s are unlikely to be successful. It’s easier to follow Cafcass recommendations and move on to the next hearing, than it is to write a speculative analysis to justify why a bespoke arrangement is in the best interest of a child.

When there are 100,000 child arrangement applications made every year, judicial consistency is essential and made possible by ordering similar arrangements for the majority of applications. Both applicants and respondents can be disappointed by court ordered arrangements but this is simply how childrens acts proceedings work.

In general parents of school aged children, you have the greatest chances of success in family court if you live very close to the school.

just following up on this, as we are having 'fun' with new order already.

as you can read above, we have a new court order, which is essentially contact with me every other weekend and sunday evenings on the non-contact weekend.

This is starting when the children go back to school and the first non-contact weekend, means the children should be with me on 11th Sept from 5pm.

My ex has emailed saying as it is her birthday (on 14th sept) the children will not be able to come on the 11th and they can come on the 10th evening instead. (not asking me, just telling).  She says has plans on the 11th that were arranged before the court hearing, but they have never been mentioned before, not in court or when her barrister sent a draft order for her to approve.
Swapping to the 10th, would mean I spend my whole evening at a swimming competition for my daugher (6-915pm) and dont spend any quality time with the children.
It just seems she has no concept of the order being what we have to stick to and she can just change it when she pleases.  She will of course manipulate it now so that she makes it that I am forcing the children to come against there will, which is always the game she plays.  Ie she will tell the children what amazing things they could be doing with her, and if they come to me they will be missing out..

Grrr!

yes its frustrating but there may be occasions in the future when you want to swap things round.  I'm sure your daughter will be delighted that you're watching her swimming.  Bank this one and hopefully when you want a change, she'll be accommodating.  Its better all round if you can both be a bit flexible.

I'm so sorry to hear about what you are going through. It sounds like your ex is taking advantage of the court and manipulating the situation to get something that she wants. It is unfair to the children that their wishes aren't being taken into consideration. Unfortunately, it is difficult to appeal a court decision, and I understand your struggle. The best thing you can do is to continue to fight for what is best for your children and ensure that they are heard.

Following up on this post from a while ago. 

Today my daughter who is 12 did not come for the contact as stipulated in our court order (Sunday nights at 5pm).

My ex has never wanted the Sunday nights, but the children have said they wish them to continue. However this week there had to be a slight change in timings due to my sons football and my ex has successfully manipulated my daughter and persuaded her a shopping trip would be more fun. When I try to speak to my ex her reply was that is not for me to contact her about arranging contact, I should speak to my daughter directly. This I strongly disagree with, my daughter is still only 12 and gets stuck between both parents and then withdraws from speaking about it.

Whilst I accept children will have their own voice more as they get older, she is being manipulated and constantly told certain negative things about coming to me and what amazing things she could be doing instead (eg shopping) and when I say this is unacceptable and we should stick to the order, she just tells me to arrange it with my daughter directly. 

Wondered if anyone has advice? I feel my ex should ensure handover is done as per court order and if there has to be some change in timings, it is up to parents to agree,not drag kids into it which is stressful for them. But unfortunately my ex likes to make everything about coming to mine as a stressful experience for them. 

Thanks! 

@aj2016 hi.  With your regular every other weekend arrangement, is that working ok, and do you collect child from school on Friday? It's unfortunate that child did not come over today.

You could try writing to her Solicitor, and ask them to remind their client to follow court order, and not to use child as a messenger.

You could apply to enforce order, but problem is child may have made up their mind and no longer want to see you on the alternate Sunday. In that scenario I don't think the courts will act, and say child is old enough to decide,.or that her wishes and feelings need to be respected. Perhaps you could give it a few weeks and see if situation improves.