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Another thought, but what if the children say they want to come to me one night during the week. She keeps saying they are old enough to make their own decisions.
But if they decide to come, does she have to agree it?
The courts priorities are:
1. Safety of the children
2. School attendance
3. Contact with parents
The 2nd one carries a high weight in your case. Their school performance or perceived risk of getting tired takes priority over sleeping over at yours. When NRP doesn’t live near the children’s school, courts usually order 3-5h mid week contact from pickup to/after tea time.
This is an unfortunate but common outcome, and is why I decided to live as close to my child’s school as possible following a separation. I did not want the court to have a reasons to restrict contact. However, not all parents are able to or want to live near their ex.
What’s your arrangements for half term and summer holidays?
@aj2016 I think a time will come when the kids will vote with their feet and a parent won't be able to stop them visiting other parent 🙂 give it 2-3 years or so.
@bill337 thanks I guess so.
But technically my ex can still stop them all the while the order is there I guess
Thanks for the info.
The thing is that school attendance, homework etc has all been happening fine for many years. They seemed to think it would all change when my daughter goes to secondary school, but my son has been there 2 years now and the journey to mine is fine, he enjoys travelling with a school friend on the bus.
In terms of location, my ex has pushed them towards schools further away from me, over the last 5 years whenever she gets a chance to do anything to reduce or make contact more difficult, she will.
School holiday's are split half each.
Hi. If you look at it another way, court gave you time with kids on your ex's weekend, so appears the court favored you. This is very rare.
@bill337 yep, but I think its muddled thinking from the court. It doesnt benefit anyone for me to have the kids on her weekend.
Overall I am still having reduced contact time with the children, when you put everything into bringing up the kids for 13 years and they decide it is best to reduce the amount of time, without really even looking into the details of the case - I find it very frustrating
@bill337
That is correct. At least the OP retained an overnight contact. He could have lost it. This is why the court recommends that parents try to work something out between the court could order arrangements that neither parent like.
Hopefully might encourage the OP’s ex to be more cooperative and refrain from applying for court orders in the future.
yep, agree. thanks all for offering views and advice
yep, agree. thanks all for offering views and advice
I would also like to add the following that applies not just to yours but al child arrangements applications.
In family court judges sit hundreds CAO every year. They prefer following precedent as it’s the path of resistance. Ordering cafcass recommendations or mirroring a previous order makes a judge’s order less susceptible to an appeal or being overturned through a variation.
Therefore, parents who seek bespoke arrangement’s are unlikely to be successful. It’s easier to follow Cafcass recommendations and move on to the next hearing, than it is to write a speculative analysis to justify why a bespoke arrangement is in the best interest of a child.
When there are 100,000 child arrangement applications made every year, judicial consistency is essential and made possible by ordering similar arrangements for the majority of applications. Both applicants and respondents can be disappointed by court ordered arrangements but this is simply how childrens acts proceedings work.
In general parents of school aged children, you have the greatest chances of success in family court if you live very close to the school.
just following up on this, as we are having 'fun' with new order already.
as you can read above, we have a new court order, which is essentially contact with me every other weekend and sunday evenings on the non-contact weekend.
This is starting when the children go back to school and the first non-contact weekend, means the children should be with me on 11th Sept from 5pm.
My ex has emailed saying as it is her birthday (on 14th sept) the children will not be able to come on the 11th and they can come on the 10th evening instead. (not asking me, just telling). She says has plans on the 11th that were arranged before the court hearing, but they have never been mentioned before, not in court or when her barrister sent a draft order for her to approve.
Swapping to the 10th, would mean I spend my whole evening at a swimming competition for my daugher (6-915pm) and dont spend any quality time with the children.
It just seems she has no concept of the order being what we have to stick to and she can just change it when she pleases. She will of course manipulate it now so that she makes it that I am forcing the children to come against there will, which is always the game she plays. Ie she will tell the children what amazing things they could be doing with her, and if they come to me they will be missing out..
Grrr!
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