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After trying the mediation path and getting nowhere I have bitten the bullet and applied to court, receiving a date early January 2018. To be honest I'm apprehensive to say the least and worried about the cost implications and the act that will no doubt be put on by my childrens mother as she has and still does work in an environment where she knows about child welfare and how to represent her case in court.
During mediation it became clear that my eldest who has just turned 13 won't see me because apparently I have been 'abusive' in the past. What sort of abuse I am supposed to have committed I have no idea, but this must have been put to her around a year ago when she stopped all contact with me. My worry about why this had happened and that my two younger children could go along the same route is the reason for the court case. I have put up with seeing my children every third Sunday between 10am and 5pm for a few years. I have tried to increase contact but have been faced with 'the children don't want it' reply from their mother. The letters addressed to my father have all had demands including that if he wants to see my eldest then if he mentions me the contact will be over. The wording isn't that of a 13 year old child, the writing doesn't even resemble a letter sent a year ago. What I have found out from a former next door neighbour is that my children mother would constantly bad mouth my in front of my children which does sound like Parental Alienation to me with everything that has gone on. This is one thing I shall present towards the court and was wondering if anyone else had experience of this?
Many thanks
Unfortunately, it does sound all too common, so the best I can suggest is trying to keep any relationship you have with your children going until they can start to lose the influence from your ex and realise that what she has told them isn't what happened.
With regards to costs, are you representing yourself? Is so, then the costs should be the court application fee only.
Sit tight and wait for court to do their job.
Are you self repping or using a lawyer?
It's very likely that the court will make an order for Cafcass to speak to the children on their own in a neutral setting to find out just what it is they want and why.
On the whole, Cafcass are fairly adept at sussing out when kids have been influenced.
Best of luck
Thank you for your replies. I have been to see a solicitor but she won't be present on the first court visit which I presume is just going to go through what I expect and my reasons for bringing the case.
I'm hoping Cafcass will contact me before talking to my children as I have to make sure that they aren't a friend/ex colleague of their mother which could be problematic to say the least.
If you're concerned about costs then try looking up a local MacKenzie Friend generally a 1/3 - 1/2 the cost of a solicitor and much more case specific advice to your needs.
I wish i had known about them when i first started down this route 8yrs and Β£11,000 later (Β£8900 inthe first 3yrs using solicitors)
I think I have representation sorted now thank you.
I was due to see two of my children tomorrow but a letter has been dropped off through my fathers door from their mother stating that now they don't want to see me again either. Strangely this has come after their mother will have received the court date and I gave them invites to my wedding next year. Both left happily enough after my last contact with them with no problems at all during a fun, loving day.
At the moment I'm left childless until January 12th and hopefully a correct court decision.
I had similar happen to me, after I applied to court to spend more time with child, ex responded by stopping child from seeing me for a month, the second month I only saw him in a contact centre for 4 hours. She then also said that our child was happier when he didnβt see me.
I think people who do this do it out of their own insecurities and fears. I think your best bet is to not respond in kind and take the higher ground.
Iβm sorry you are going through this. Having your children taken away from you in this manner is super difficult and borderline criminal, but you can reverse this for the good of your children.
It is funny that all this started with my eldest when I told them I'd got engaged 2 years ago. I'm hoping that with the new guidelines given to Cafcass that they look into the Parental Alienation side closely. It could have been more difficult as the children mother has gone down the 'they don't want to see you but I'm trying my best' line, with her working in child welfare she knows all the 'correct' things to say unfortunately.
Its a form of alienation due to the ex being jealous buddy, seen it a million times with friends and even experiencing it myself. They know the only way to still get at you is through the children
I sometimes think my 2 year old is more mature than my ex...actually i know he is π
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