[Solved] Court date advice

Hi there. If your ex has nothing bad to say about you, no Domestic violence, no mistreatment of her or your children, if you have been as much of a part of your children’s lives as your ex then you are in a much stronger position than most on this forum.

I can’t see any reason from what you’ve said why the court wouldn’t view splitting the children’s time as equally as is feesible to be the best course of action.

In terms of how to conduct yourself, the court is only interested in your children. Not you, your ex, nor the specifics of what has led you both there (as there are no allegations). If she is making access difficult then you have to mention this, but do so in a way that focuses on your children’s needs, not your ex being unreasonable.

Time in the court, especially unrepresented and your being your first time will move very quickly. Focus entirely on your children, don’t moan about her. Any temptation to do so will deviate from giving the impression that you are a child focused parent.

Go in there with a clear and concise idea as to what you want to say (don’t feel silly about practicing in front of the mirror, kinda worked for me).

If she has a barrister, they will try to noise you up. Do not react. If they or your ex try to pull you into a slagging match, do not bite. Move any attempts in this regard back to your children and it will stand you in good stead.

Go in there with a plan for midweek contact. Consider how you will make this work around childcare/school in future. Courts want stability, and if it’s possible to offer this long term then all the better.

Try and preempt any reason she has for opposing your proposal and go in there armed with solutions if you can.

Good luck, and fire anymore questions at this forum. Lots of helpful people on here that have a variety of experience.

hi,

i was represented so was easier. i would suggest to stay calm and child-focused. its probably better to not make eye contact with your ex. in 2 hearings, ex's barrister did try to rile me up. smiling/grinning at us, while she tells court a load of [censored] about ex suffering emotional/financial/coercive control. and she also said father should see the baby in a contact centre and they have a list of contact centres if i want to look at it. i did not react to all that nonsense.

try to ask for as much contact as possible. also mention that when you want to take child on holiday, ex must hand over passports well in advance. I wanted mid-week overnights, but cafcass did not recommend it in their report. ex refused too. so i ended up taking mid-week contact every 2 weeks. picking kids up after school, taking to classes/library etc.along with alternate fri-sun. in future i am looking at going back to court to get mid-week overnights.

make sure you write a position statement. take copies for judge, cafcass and ex.

Thank you both, some much needed advice in there, appreciate it.

When you say position statement Bill do you mean an overview of why it would benefit my child to see more of me and how i can make it happen?

One of the major reasons that i left my ex was her controlling behaviour & she hated the fact that i had a close knit family.... but am i right in thinking that it will more than likely benefit me to say that i have a lot of help available and also a lot of children close to my daughters age around me with friends and family?