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Hi there,
I'm new to this site found it through netmums actually whilst searching threads regarding going to court about family matters...
I need some advice or moral support hopefully from father's who've been through the same as I'm going right now, granted most if any will not be in the same position I am in...
I'm a father of 3, 2 full time and my eldest who I should be seeing most weekends but haven't now coming up to the 5th week because of my ex.
Met the ex 4 years ago halfway through her pregnancy, nothing serious at 1st started to get serious and I said I'd raise the baby with her given that she didn't know 100% who the father was between 1 of 2 potentials... I'm even down on the birth certificate as his father.
All great, happy little family me her and our son (so I thought) then nearly 2 years later we break up, I found somebody new (my current fiance) who already had a son and now we have a 9 month daughter but I kept regular contact with my 1st born as I love him, as far as I'm concerned he is my son...
Now 4 years later, the ex has stopped me seeing him... All started with her saying something about me stopping smoking around the kids when come on who in their right mind would smoke round a 9 month old baby let alone any kid, I said not your choice what I do, she said fine your not seeing him using our son as a weapon yet again given it's not the 1st time, few texts discussing things her saying she didn't like my parenting and yet I asked asked and asked what would she want me to do so I can see him and she said nothing so she had the chance to ask me to stop smoking but yet she's just been stubborn...
All this coming from a woman who less than 18 months ago said she wanted my fiance and I to adopt him as she couldn't cope on her own, all this from a woman who couldn't afford her child for nearly 3 weeks and had to palm him off onto my heavily pregnant fiance, recently moved which is a shame and don't know where but got a social loan for carpets in her flat yet spent it all on god knows what so most weekends he would come over with bruises on his knees!!!
So now, I've recently being in contact with a solicitor and as I'm currently unemployed (given the current working climate near around where I live) but my fiance working we do qualify for legal aid (not something I'd like really) but have to go through stages beforehand, can't get in contact or don't want to risk her saying I'm pestering her and using it against me...
Now have to wait for a mediation process but what is it what happens and where does it lead???
My solicitor is sending a form to them with the only potential contact we have her mobile telephone number (yet she said she was going to change it) what happens if she doesn't get back to me? Solicitor said that she would carry on applying for funding but that made no sense to me???
If I were to try avoid legal aid how much am I likely to pay?
I've read about fathers representing themselves, has anyone done this, what has been the outcome? Would you recommend this?
Given the circumstances I am wanting to try for sole custody, as much as I never wanted to (personal history myself) but really need to see my son... How long am I likely to wait???
And finally... Am I going to stand a chance given that biologically he isn't mine??? After nearly 4 years would that make a difference, I love all my kids to pieces and the younger 2 boy and girl are keeping me afloat at the moment but my god it's now starting to hurt more and more day by day!!
Rant over and hopefully chat with some of you soon,
Simon
Hi Simon,
It sounds really hard for you right now, can't imagine how tough it is not being able to see your son. As you're in the early stages of working out where you stand we'll ask the Children's Legal Centre to give you some advice on the questions you have, so keep checking this post for replies. You should also get some replies from people who have been in similar situations in the past who can give you advice based on their experiences & what they've learnt.
Hi Simon,
Think i'll take a crack at this.
Its clear her actions have angered you. One thing that others would say on here is to leave the bitterness out of it. People make quite irrational remarks, decisions and do some things they regret. Yours truly has previously been a case in point.
Your priority is of course gaining contact. With the current circumstance of your being on the birth certificate, you have Parental Responsibility and thus you have a Legal Right to a say on all important matters in his life. Your ex's only chance at this is via way of a Prohibitive Steps Order to effectively remove your right to Parental Responsibility.
I would say if you qualify for Legal Aid, provided you are forward with your Legal Team, you should be at Court within 8wks from the date of the meeting with the Solicitor to draw up the C100 application form. Evidently, its your choice to go it alone. If you want to go it alone, we can provide advice. Thats no problem.
The C100 is essentially an Order for Contact.
You could apply through the Courts for a Residence Order, this is where you want your Son to legally reside with you. Convincing a Court of such a proposal will definately be a significant hurdle. You have some examples that you can use relating to your ex-partner not being able to cope, however more forwardly, a Court is highly likely to just dismiss this.
My advice really would be for you to apply for a Contact Order to specify Shared Residence (50/50 also called Shared Care). This will be your most realistic opportunity of securing suitable lengthy contact.
Hope this helps 🙂
Hi Simon
I have to say I agree totally with yoji regarding going for a residence order - a court has to have extremely compelling reasons to move a child from the home where they are settled, and from what you have said, I agree with yoji's assessment that you won't get this.
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