[Solved] Corresponding through a 3rd party.

Hello Stacey1981,

I personally would not let a third party write an email or letter on my behalf. The only exception I would make is if it was a solicitor acting on my behalf.
If you allow a third party to have a free hand in writing an email / letter they could make a mistake in their wording and you could be implicated in the interpretation of it. What would be written Is out of your control. The court hope to get parents working together and look for evidence of this. It is not always possible but using a third party to write on your behalf (excluding a solicitor) can give the impression the father is not prepared to make an effort concerning the Parenting Plan recommended.

My approach would be to write the following using a brief, polite format.

Dear (Christian name),

With regard to the recommendations made in the Court Order concerning the Parenting Plan may I make the following suggestions for your consideration?
1)
2)
3)

Sincerely,

(the Father's Christian name)

In the example email given the use of Christian names indicates your wish to be amicable, the content is showing consideration to her thoughts regarding your suggestions and using the word sincerely to close the email shows sincerity on your part. I cannot see how necessary and polite correspondence of this nature would initiate a N.M.O., I may be wrong and hope that one of the moderators comment on this issue.

Keep a paper copy of emails / letters sent as these prove to the court if necessary that you have made an effort in a polite manner to progress the situation with the Mother regarding contact with the children. The manner in which the emails / letters are written is also proof that you are not intending to intimidate the Mother.

To use a third party for handovers is a wise action to take.

Thank you MOF

How you suggest is how we currently correspond and I can honestly say nothing is threatening, rude etc and all he wants Is to see his children regularly as the court have suggested and it's nearly to agree these arrangements. We were told that she can get a NMO against him even if she feels he contacts her too much, irrespective of what the content is. It seems obsurred that we can't just get the plan sorted and agreed as then we hope not to have to have much contact at all other than if the children have illnesses etc.

It was recommended by someone at CORAMS that we use a third party if she feels so anxious etc but like you I do feel that unless they are forwarding on our letters as they are written (which is really no different from us just sending them ourselves) then they could adapt things or make the requests or proposals come across in a different way.

Another no win situation I'm feeling 🙁

Hello Stacey1981,

I will be interested to know what the moderators on here have to say about your situation.

You sound as though you are approaching her in the correct manner and only when needs be. Fear of receiving an unwarranted N.M.O., I can well understand but the Court Order recommends doing a Parenting Plan therefore in trying to achieve this in an appropriate manner, it rather beggars belief that an N.M.O. would be issued. Having said that from what I read, they are, without foundation issued purely on many mothers say so. I respect your caution.

There may be no alternative but to go back to court for the judge to stipulate in the Court Order times and dates etc. That being the case all details would be in black and white leaving the Mother with no room to manoeuvre and avoid disruption of contact for the Father. It would also lessen the fear of getting an N.M.O. as contact with her would be nil.

Wait to see what other responses you get to your post as others are more knowledgeable than I am with regard to how to progress this through the court system.

Hi there

Have you thought of using the CAFCASS parenting plan, heres a link

www.cafcass.gov.uk/grown-ups/parenting-plan.aspx

www.cafcass.gov.uk/media/190788/parenting_plan_final_web.pdf

You could print off two copies, fill one in and send both to her via a third party, with a covering letter stating that the court order recommends that you both agree a parenting plan and that you think it's best to go with the CAFCASS version, as they are court officers and this would be the one that's recommended by the court. Explain that you have sent one that you've already filled in and ask that she do the same with the blank copy, from that a proper schedule can be agreed.

Leaving a third party to interpret what you want relaying to his ex isn't a good idea. If you are worried you could try writing to the judge that made the order and explain that his ex is showing signs of anxiety when ever you try to get some arrangements in place as per the order, express your fear that she may apply for an injunction and ask for advice, or perhaps a return to court for further definition. Judges have the discretionary powers to do this...it's worth a try maybe.

Best of luck

Thank you both for responding.

We are using a cafcass recommended parent plan and have gone about it in the exact way you have mentioned. They have pretty much got to the point where they agree to most things just not the summer holidays and how they should be split.

We have already written to the judge about 5 weeks ago asking for things to be clearer and more defined as currently it's causing distress as she will not agree to anything yet we have swapped and changed continuously to fit in with her.

I think we have decided that we are going back to court for a variation and specific issue order anyway and need to do mediation again because we are out of the 4 on this since last time. We will try finish the plan through mediation if we can and if not hope they sign the paperwork so that we can use it with the court paperwork.

I'll definately take on your advice and stop third party communication until we have the mediator sorted.

Thanks