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Hi guys, a few weeks since I have been on here. First & foremost I wish to say thank you for your continued advice, support & encouragement. I don't think I would have got as far as I have without it.
Briefly, I took my son in to my care because his mother attempted suicide with him at home, unfortunately he saw what was going on during and after the incident. CS became involved and did a S7 report which I felt was very biased. SW didn't contact me during 3 months except the days in which he wished to visit. He was with the mother A LOT. He became manipulated by her. SW suggested shared care but it appeared that he was sitting on the fence rather than making a justified decision. This was never about going for custody of my son. I was happy his mother was looking after him up until the suicide attempt happened (to a point). She binge drinks, has serious problems and is diagnosed with Emotionally unstable personality disorder. She assaulted my wife which resulted in a police caution. My son wishes to remain with me.
So, the DHRA hearing is over, I went on the request that son stays with me. Shared care would severely disrupt his life and that he is better off here for many reasons. Mother went on the request that she was happy to go by what the SW said, shared care. She also requested picking up son from school.
Judge granted that son stays here for a further 3 months, mother would not be able to collect him from school because as I quite rightly advised my wife would be in the same place collecting her children and felt that with the mother being there would increase the chance of conflict. I proposed overnight stays as a means to progress with this situation as to date (4 months) there had been none.
So, a contested hearing has been requested. SW has been requested to attend. Can I ask what is expected of me at a contested hearing? I am representing myself.
I would also like some pointers on the final position statement if possible, Mojo helped me immensely 🙂 before. My most vital points are that I proposed alternate weekends and one day in the week, she has refused that as permanent but accepted that as contact. I wish to use that providing this works well up until the court date then this is a big factor to consider.... I proposed this and it has worked well. My son still wishes to stay with me.
The first overnight contact the mother rung me and asked me to collect him because he was so distraught at staying with his mum. It was my wife that spoke to her and told her NO! This needs to work, this needs to get in to a routine otherwise overnight stays will never be a success. We advised that she would have to deal with his emotions. We later found out that she had told him off for being so upset 🙁
She has been attending AA meetings but my point is that I could down a bottle of vodka a day and still attend weekly meetings at an AA class so surely she can do the same?! I feel very strongly that she will never change. I also feel that someone has obviously told her that she must obey the court order and not do anything wrong as she seems to be 'behaving'. She is back with her boyfriend who thankfully the judge has stated in the court order must not be present due to domestic abuse between the pair of them (not my son).
Now the SW, he stated in his S7 report that my son has said that he never witnessed any violence between the 2 of them but my son is very much adamant that he has. He also stated that on the day she attacked my wife my son said "stop it, to them" inciting that my wife and mother were having an argument when that wasn't the case at all. He was and still is very one sided. Everything he has suggested the mother has done, first aid course, this AA meeting. None of it is off her own back, it is off the recommendation of him. He has tried fruitlessly to help her when not realising the danger of allowing my son to be replaced back in her care.
So while my son stays with me for a further 3 months which is obviously a good thing. I am led to believe that the longer he is here the better. Would they disrupt his life by going down the shared care route? This is a young child living in 2 places, has after school commitments here which he would miss if he was with her. He is endlessly happy here and not when he is with her. The main thing is, he is also safe here.
I am going to request that my wife be granted parental responsibility with her being his main carer as even on the shared care route she would be responsible for health, dental appointments etc. The mother has stated that a third adult in his life would confuse our son but he is oh so understanding and willingly requests my wife to be his proper mum.
Also, I found out that she is receiving legal aid but has never mentioned any abuse of any kind from me during the proceedings so how on earth is she getting legal aid??
Any advice as always is appreciated 🙂
Thanks GTT, hopefully someone can help.
have a word with the family rights group www.frg.org - they may help with your dealings with childrens services.
Hi there
Personally I don't think I would have made him stay on his first overnight, as it was at the mothers request that he be picked up. It wouldn't have done your case any harm, let's put it that way.
Unfortunately the fact that she is following the SWs recommendations is probably more important to the court, than the point you make about it not being of her own doing.
The longer your son is with you the more likely that will be what happens in the final order. I'm not too sure that asking for PR for your wife would be a good idea, unless she was made a party to the proceedings...I seem to remember we discussed this previously. The court may view it as trying to push her out...just a thought.
It's certainly strange that she is receiving legal aid...you could try contacting the legal aid board/agency and asking them in what circumstances, apart from dv, can a party to proceedings in a private family case be granted legal aid.
I think your final statement needs to be strong, You are sticking to your requests to the court and giving reasons why this would be in your sons best interests. You should mention what happened at his first overnight and your concerns that there's is a lack of empathy as rather than understanding the reasons for his distress, she chose to tell him off, which illustrates a lack of understanding of his emotional needs. You should also make the point that she is back in a relationship and this would be another reason not to grant shared care as she is still making the wrong choices, despite knowing that this would impact on your son.
You will be required to prepare opening and closing statements and cross examination of the witnesses, you will get the opportunity to question the SW on his report and also the mother about any issues/concerns. Your closing statement is your opportunity to tie all the ends together and present your case for the status quo to remain.
You know where I am if you need me. All the best
Thank you Mojo,
After careful consideration myself & my wife have decided that although we have the best interests of our son at heart we do see how this could look in court for trying to obtain parental responsibility so we have decided against it.
The only witness will be the SW. Do I have to cross examine the mother as this will no doubt be quite an intense experience. There is plenty of evidence to corroborate what I am saying but not a lot to corroborate what she is saying so do I let it speak for itself or maybe "Can you explain to the court why you said that I was responsible for one of your suicide attempts when you categorically stated in records that it was you're then boyfriend?" In one thought it scares me a little, in another I know that she will undo herself in court so maybe for the best.
I am gathering that the contested hearing is all about factual evidence so really I think I do not have much to worry about.
Her solicitor advised me that my wife would be called to give evidence, will my wife be asked officially, i.e. summoned? Or will she just be asked on the day?
Could you also give me some pointers on opening & closing statements? As you are aware i am fluent with position statements but not these.
Thank you once again, your advice is valued & appreciated
Quite often, a lot of the questions you would need to ask the other party can be answered in the SW's responses so should minimise the questions you ask your ex.
To use your example, you might say;
Please look at page ?? of the bundle, you state I was responsible for your suicide attempt'
Please can you now look at page ?? of the bundle, here you state that it was caused by your then boyfriend'
You can only question on evidence that is part of the proceedings or ask general questions - a typical one might be 'you don't see my role in xxx's life as being important do you'
Nobody is 'summoned', you each take it in turns to go in the witness box and you can swear on a holy book or affirm before you give evidence.
You don't need an opening statement - that's for criminal courts, but you can say a few words as to where you are at right now.
A closing statement can be read out from something you have prepared earlier. It shouldn't be too brief or too long. It should just sum up your evidence and position and repeat to the court as to what decision you would like them to make.
Best of luck - please let us know how you get on
Thank you.
So anything that is in the court bundle can be questioned basically? What I would like to do is raise questions that give the court a clear indication that 1, she has lied about everything & 2, my son is placed at risk if he was to go back and live with her for full time or shared care. As much as I would love to see that the court disbelieve everything she has said which isn't too hard as the evidence contradicts everything she has said at the same time I do not want to detract from the main point that my son has been and is at risk when he is with her.
She has always placed the blame on my son for things as to cover her own back causing a great deal of psychological harm. I am aware that this is very hard to prove but at the same time I would like to try for his sake.
I am quietly confident this time. I feel that with everything against her this could really work out for the benefit of my son and he remains with me but second to that am aware that he is away from his mother who only at the moment sees him once during the week and every other weekend.
It is very easy to get caught up in the mist of he said she said with all of this but thank fully with everyones guidance from here I have maintained a level and clear head when writing what I need to present to the court.
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