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Hi there Dads. Only just found this site and signed up, so a little unsure what it's all about.
Just having a few issues with trying to agree terms for contact with my little girl with her mother.
I have my daughter Tuesday's and Sunday's every week, and on the last weekend of each month I have her all weekend. This has worked more or less for a good few years. My daughter's mother has now decided to move in with her latest boyfriend and this is 10 or so miles away from where she currently lives. My normal journey in the car to pick my daughter up is around 20 miles each way, and this would be increased by the extra 10 miles due to her moving.
I struggle financially and asked if she was willing to compromise with me, by meeting me halfway when I pick my daughter up, just to make things financially a bit easier, which was greeted with a clear NO by her, as well as informing me that on Saturdays my daughter wants to go to a dancing club.......which is great, but on the Saturdays I have her, my ex tells me that I have no option other than driving her a 40 mile round trip for her dance class. The other thing to mention is that on the weekends that I have my daughter we generally organise days out and activities, so this would be jeopardised by her mothers intentions.
I am very frustrated about all of this and it is compounded by my own partner being incredibly frustrated and angered by the situation.
Does anybody have any advice to resolve any of this or similar stories?
Many thanks in anticipation.
This is quite tricky as you've said it has worked well until now. I think that your best option is to see if your ex will consider mediation, but in all honesty, if you can't come to an agreement there, then I don't think court is a sensible option as I don't think you'd get any more from a court than you are already getting, and they almost certainly wouldn't order with respect to cost of travel or meeting halfway.
Sorry if this doesn't sound too positive, but I'm hopeful that some mediation may come up with a slight variation to the contact you currently have which might prove acceptable to you all.
Many thanks for your answer.
I kinda knew that it wasn't going to be straight forward and I very much doubt if any court would take my financial considerations into account either.
Mediation might be an option, although I assume that this would cost a fair bit too?
Just finding it difficult with the stress that my own partner is putting on me to resolve this too. Don't get me wrong, I totally agree with her thoughts that we just cannot afford these extra fuel costs but and that we are being played as fools by my daughters mother, but she is continuously looking for me to argue and call the shots with her. This is just not my thing, and I will always turn my back rather than causing conflict if I can. Trickier and trickier.
I was wondering whether you could swap Saturday for another day, or increased time in school holidays instead? I realise this breaks into a long weekend with your daughter, but that's happening anyway with the dance classes.
If you or your ex are eligible for legal aid, then this covers mediation (no longer covers court costs) so that might be worth a check. Take a look at www.nfm.org.uk
I am willing to be flexible, so maybe worth letting the current storm blow over and having a re-think on things.
At the end of the day, I only want what is best for my little girl.
If you can, letting it blow over is a good strategy from your point of view, in that you might be more resistant to any negative comments she might make, and you might make more progress - do you have a mutual friend who could mediate - it doesn't have to be a mediation service, that's just a professional service.
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