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My daughter is 5 weeks old her mother and I split up before she found out she was pregnant and whilst there was no chance of getting back together i want to be a part of my daughters life. The first two week I would spend every other night at my ex's so I could do the night feeds and she could rest. I work four shifts on and four off, I go every other day after work for a hour and on my days off for a few hours.
I have asked on several occasions to have her at my house (we both live with our mums) and have been refused. Twice my ex as been out at night which I don't object to but have asked to have my daughter whilst she is out and again refused my daughter has been left with her mum. She finally agreed to let me have her this sunday but she has now changed her mind and said she doesn't want me in her our my daughters life, she wants to meet someone else and make a family with them.
What can I do?
Andy
Congratulations on the birth of your baby girl!
First things first, are you on the birth certificate? If you are you have Parental Responsibility which gives you the same rights under law as her, if not you need to be put on it - which would go a lot more smoothly with her blessing but it can also be done without it if she doesn't want to play ball.
She's obviously a new mum and as such probably still has 'crazy' hormones racing around her mind and body that will cause her to act irrationally, that's not to say that she wouldn't behave that way if she didn't, it's just another way of looking at it!
I understand that she might want to meet someone else and create a family with them, which is totally her prerogative however, this is your child and her having a family with someone new doesn't mean that she has a right to cut you out. To be honest I'm surprised with a 5wk old baby that that is one of the main things on her mind right now (I'm a woman and I've had a baby)! Unless she means that this 'new fella' is to be named 'daddy' which, in any case, is still bang out of order!
Perhaps try suggesting mediation to her, with input from a neutral source she might see that what she wants to happen isn't fair and you and your daughter have a right to be in each others' lives. If she is not prepared to go through mediation then you may need to look at going down the legal route - fortunately you are quite lucky in the sense that your baby girl is still only tiny and all of this should be sorted by the time she's old enough to understand. If you're not already on the birth certificate you can look at getting that sorted along with contact through the court.
I hope this maybe starts to point you in the right direction. Most importantly don't give up your baby girl needs you in her life. Good luck and let us know how it goes.
Teri π
Thanks for your reply. Yes my name is on the birth certificate and to be honest my family seem to think my ex wants to get back with me and she is doing this to hurt me.
I care about my ex but don't love her and could not live with her and was hoping we could be friends. I was even at the birth. She has always known we would not get back together.
Thanks
Women are complex creatures and your family are probably right, it's likely that she does want to get back with you and those hormones that I mentioned earlier won't be helping the matter.
Maybe she just needs a gentle reminder that, whilst you will always care for her as a friend and the mother of your child (if things don't get nasty between you), it still remains the fact that there is no chance of you and her having a romantic relationship again even though you have a baby. You also need to make it clear that, although you don't want to be with her, you still want to play a part in your daughter's life and it's not okay for her to use the baby as a way of getting at you because she can't get her own way. The fact that you provided her with the ideal ingredient to create that perfect little person you both share is clouding her judgment right now. Perhaps, in time, when she's well over the birth she'll realise that she wasn't thinking clearly and it's better to have you in her life as a friend than nothing at all.
It's good that you're named on the BC because that's one less thing to worry about if you do end up in court. Let's hope it doesn't come to that though.
As i said, good luck!
Teri π
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