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Hi guys, great reading around the forum, thought I would look for some advice for my specific problem.
Married, haven't seen ex partner since day she found out she was pregnant. Since then she took out a non mol against me, which has come and gone (no breaches or renewal) and last November made a complaint to police about controlling and coheralsive behaviour. Most of what was in the non mol was ridiculous, but it was expensive defending it and in the end let it run knowing I didn't want to see her anyway and she could go and live her life.
Meantime I met a new partner, very happy etc. I have my ex partner time to have the baby and at around 2 months when I felt she was settled my mum made contact having previously told she could be part of babies life. Since my ex has claimed its not happening unless my own mother admits I am a violent person. Now I dispute this, I do agree it was a bad relationship for all and I admit I was a shitty husband, as she was to me . We were only married a month before we realised we were making a mistake . Then she found out she was pregnant and it's been accusation after accusation ever since.
I want want is best for the child but I honestly believe I will be a good father, given the chance. I work with children myself in education for the past 7 years and can't imagine how I am a danger to children like she is saying, but that is why she is denying all contact. I've gone through all the steps so far, asked for short sharp contact and even been to mediation, on my own in the end.
It's time to proceed, if I am going to. I was wondering if it's worth the stress for all involved? She has a 3 month old and whilst she's wronged me in so many ways I won't want to make that anymore difficult. I've led a good life in the service of children in my work never harmed or been in trouble etc and think I could do a good job as a father.
Am i likely ever to get contact? How long will it take? There seems to be so many different stories it's hard to make head or tail of what's what.
Hi there
Has the complaint made last November, about coercive behaviour been dropped (no further action) or is it still being investigated by the police? If its still “live” then i would hold off on a court application until its been resolved one way or the other.
Its impossible to predict outcomes I'm afraid, the non mol and further allegations will make getting contact harder and you will need to jump through more hoops as the process moves forward.
Once the application is in, CAFCASS will be tasked with preparing a brief safeguarding report called a schedule 2 letter, they check with police and local authorities concerning any previous history/involvement of both parents and make recommendations to the court about hoe to proceed.
Due to the non mol/further complaints the court will probably order more indepth reports, and as there has been no contact between you and the child, its unlikely that no contact will be put in place until the reports are done and the court have looked at them.
If the ex makes further allegations to the court, its likely there will be a finding of fact hearing where the judge will decide if the allegations stand... as you didnt contest the non mol, that will be a consideration.
If contact is to go ahead, it will be supervised initially, probably in a contact centre, they may allow a family member to support contact at the next stage, if all goes well then unsupervised contact could follow. It wont happen overnight and is likely to take at least 12 months to get to thwt point, but it could easily take longer.
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