[Solved] Contact Progression / Residency

If the ex has residency at the moment, then the courts need a very good reason to change this, and it's not something they do lightly. You may be better concentrating your efforts on getting increased contact time, rather than trying to get residency.

She does not have residency. We have not had a hearing for that. She has a whole wealth of issues and lies to contend with. While they are living with her, residency has not been established.

I am seeking sole residency, she is contesting.

Be careful about what word you use in court to make sure they understand what you want.

Residency is no longer a word used in an order. The nearest thing is an order that says the child "shall live with". The order can say the child "shall live with both" parents, in which case it will be a shared care, but not necessary equal.

She is currently the primary carer because the child is with her most of the time and she does the day to day care.

So that is it, "live with" order and how many/which days you want with the child.

Ok. thanks Ami & Actd

I was the primary carer for 5 years, while also working part time, while she focused on her career.

She accused me of DV but later admitted it was all lies.

She took children and refused access even when advised by social services, so access was court ordered.

She still works full time, long hours, but she admits that she enjoys her job, and the children are looked after by a childminder most of the time.

What I would like, and have stated to the court, is that the children live with me the majority of the time, because it is obvious she will not help forster my relationship with them. But that I understand the importance of their relationship with their mother, and would hope that the reality would be that both parents play as active a role as is required to assist in their healthy development.

My question is, given that we are at 2 x 2hr visits per week, and given that the final hearing is in a month, how do I plan a progressive move from a situation where they are with her most of the time, to a position where they are with me 60% of the time.

She has, in the short time we have been separated brought various lovers to the home, and my children have seen them in bed together "exercising" . I just want a scenario where my children have a stable, loving environment and I do not feel she is ready to do that.

Many thanks

If it was me I would take the moral high ground and say that my ultimate goal is to gain 50/50 shared care as this is best for children and also ensures you are both seen as equal parents.

Any more than that, then you are in danger of coming across as not wanting what is best for the child. Also as ACTD says it is unlikely to be successfully unless there are very good reasons. Unless she is a danger to the child or if you don't have proof, I wouldn't focus on what she does or does not do with the child at all. Courts are very tolerant of parenting styles and focusing on how she lives her life may well work against you.

Just say that you are a good and capable parent as you have been the primary carer for so long.And that she has not been promoting your contact with child, and that is why you want "live with" order.

I would explain in detail what sort of rota you are aiming for, e.g week on/week off, or any other sort of arrangement that you think would work for both of you. Think about practicalities too.

This would have to be introduced slowly , but that is up to the courts to decide.what you proposed with initial one day overnight progressing to alternate weekends sounds reasonable to me.

The order you will need is a chil arrangements order its what im currently going for its not the best but unfortunately its the way courts work they will not separate the mother from the kids unless there are child protection issues sorry buddy i know its not what you want to hear.

Thanks guys. It all just seems so unfair. It would be different if she actually WANTED to spend her time with the kids, but what she wants is to be seen to win, thus proving that I was at fault. She does not care about the kids emotional wellbeing, in fact, she disregards it.

Do you think seeking 60/40 is pushing it? 🙂

In truth I think its all wrong, as the kids need to spend time with whoever they want, and I would hate to see them moved around like pawns. If they wanted more time with her, thats ok, but the problem is trusting her.

This whole thing sucks.

I know where your coming from women always play the emotional game and its not fair all ican recomend you do is trip her up in court get her to admit i have my career to think about. It will have the judge soon listening if you see what i mean.

If your work hours means that you alone can spend more time with children than her alone, that I think might be worth a try.

Again it comes down to practicalities. I suggest you focus on what is best for children and you need to show on X days you could take care of the children rather than them being with child minders, etc.

Hi there

As the mother works long hours and the children spend a lot of time with a childminder. I would argue your case from that angle... Praise the mothers work ethic and use the fact that she enjoys her job and works long hours, to your benefit.... Explain that you would like to share the burden of childminding to facilitate her career and suggest a schedule that can fit around her hours and includes alternate weekends and 50/50 share of the school holidays.

The fact that you took the role of primary carer for so long, so that she could concentrate on her career, should work for you when explaining that a fuller role in your children's lives is purely a progression of that and that you believe it would be in the best interests of the children to live with both parents, that it would also equalise the parenting roles and hopefully encourage more effective co parenting that is flexible and gives the children an environment where they can feel confident that both parents are fully involved in their lives and are working together to achieve the very best for them.

There are a few cases I’ve heard about where dads got full residency because they worked less than the mother, from what you described here, it seemed to me you have an higher than average chance of getting what you want.

Men often give up before they even try because they perceive the courts as favouring the mother, but I honestly don’t think that is as true as it used to be.