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Hi all, firstly apologies for such a long post.
However I am at my wits end with contact issues regarding my daughter and I was hoping someone would have some advice on how to handle things.
I have a 7 year old daughter, mother and I split up when she was 3. She has often stopped contact in the past, not allowing me to see her. I’ve been through solicitors, tried mediation. Foolishly I have wanted to keep things out of court (low finances also played a role) so when she gave in and reinstated contact, I dropped it and was just happy to spend time with my daughter again.
Things have been rocky again recently, and although social services are now involved (mothers drug abuse), children on child in need plan. mother is becoming more and more un co-operative and unreasonable. Refusing to communicate. Shouting and screaming at me in front of our child. Cancelling plans last minute. She can often be in a terrible mood when I pick her up from mums, with huge bags under eyes and being very reluctant to come. Only to be beaming the whole time we are together and have the best time, and not really want to go home.
After an incident a few months ago regarding my time with my daughter, I am finally at a point where I want to take things to court to ensure that my time with my daughter is never taken from us again. I feel social services are not on my side at all, (no back up when mother is verbally abusing me ((that’s really the only way I can describe it)), not returning my calls or texts, cancelling meetings last minute, not supporting me having more time with my daughter even though mothers addiction and abusive nature))
most people around me tell me court is not the way to go, although I really have made my mind up. I have started to fill out the c100 form and have a very generous and good friend who used to be a guardian, helping me through it and plan to use a solicitor on an ad hoc basis. Now I am only asking for the contact I have already to be set in stone, although I would like more. I want full custody, although I know this is not what my daughter wants. Which is hard to swallow. I have a stable job and a long term rented property, a pet she loves and a very wholesome lifestyle. A very different environment than that of mums.
I guess my question is, has anyone been through something similar, been through the court process and has had a positive outcome? Any help, advice, words of wisdom would be greatly appreciated. The despair of knowing I am not doing enough, coupled with the frustration of not being able to do more is hard to bear.
Thank you for reading.
Social services don't support mum or dad , they represent your child. you wont get full custody, but if they were seriously concerned about mum then if you was having regular access you would be the 1st on list if no safeguarding issues. The fact your child is only on a child in need plan and not child protection plan suggests that everything ok for now.. If you are on a child in need plan you need to try and work with social services and try and do whats asked of you within reason. always remain calm as they do press your buttons and can appear hostile and rude. do make sure you go to every single meeting and always put child 1st and don't run ex down as its all about the long game . if u do all the things I said you will come out happy in the end.
Access : social services cant make your ex allow you to see your child they can only advise. What you would need to do 1st is contact a mediator and see if contact can be arranged that way. if that doesn't work get mediator to sign a c100 and fill it out along with £215 to start court proceedings. Do not use a solicitor as it will be very expensive. you will have a clue what might happen as social services will be likely asked to attend court and do a recommendation regarding contact. if you are in family court magistrates/district judge may get social worker to do work with both parents to promote contact.
finally if its been suggested you do a parenting course then I would offer to do so as it will stand you in good stead with social services and the family court and a separated parenting course is good. neither suggest you are a bad parent, it actually equips you to deal with the many challenges that lay ahead as your daughter gets older and much more useful info.
Under no circumstances accept to go on a domestic violence course of any description though, by remaining calm , engaging and wanting best for child i.e child focused there will hopefully never be any mention of it . and by putting child 1st and been calm will carry you long way in family court.
contact : I would be asking long term if it was me , not sure what you are seeking. FRI pick up from school MON drop off to school MIDWEEK contact tues/wed either play and supper pick up from school or play/supper/overnight pick up from school drop off to school next morning and half of all holidays . reason for using school is to avoid child witnessing any hostility /conflict going forward between you and your ex partner
Definitely work with childrens services - having them on your side can definitely make a difference if you go to court.
Agree with actd.
Don't be afraid to ask for more contact as this will undoubtedly end in a final hearing and it will be down to the court to make the decision. Your daughter is only 7 and needs decisions to be made for her,
Thankyou Warwickshire1,
i decided to not go to court and to work with SS and mum moving forward. got to a point where SS decided things were good enough with mum to no longer be involved, i had my concerns, and voiced them, that this was too soon, but still the case was closed. on february 14th 2020
Fast forward to weds 22 april 2020. I recieve phone call from SS stating that mums partner has called SS informing them she has been using again, smashing up the house, and is worried about the kids. i was due to pick up my child the next day anyway, so i did as normal, and have kept him here since as i no longer deem it safe in her house. as soon as i told mum that i was going to be keeping him from going back to her house, mums partner rang SS again and redacted his statement , saying none of it true.
SS are not planning to reopen case, although i am sure partner only redacted his statement becuase he was worried of the consequences. a lot doesnt add up and i am 100% sure he is lying about lying.
This time court really is the only option i have left! i am speaking with solicitor tomorrow to get c100 filled out and sent off to ask for an urgent hearing. i am asking for full residency and i want supervised contact untill SS assesment is done and drug tests are produced. Where do i stand now? Surely the courts wil rule in my favour?
i have absolutley lost all faith in the social system after the way this has been handled. they havent tried to get to the bottom of anything, and it seems as soon as i mention the "c" word, (court) all they want to do is close the case with no further involvement. it took them 6 days to see mum after the inital phone call explaining she had been using again.
Feeling rather desperate this time, and worried about the lasting effects of a mums drug habit and reckless behaviour on my child.
Any help hugely appreciated!
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