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Hi, its my first post here and hoping this makes sense. I have a 7 year old son and up until February I saw him at least twice a week with at least 1 overnight stay. In February I lost my job and quickly got a new one but it's shift work. However I get every Friday off. At first I had my son stay overnight every Friday and dropped him off before work on the Saturday. A couple of months ago she decided to cut all contact and gave a list of reasons, one of the main ones being Child Maintenence, due to the fact I'm paid a lot less in my new job the CSA calculated a lower payment for me to pay. I took legal advice and tried to get her to attend mediation, which she twice refused. Following this I spoke to and appointed a solicitor and have now sent the documents to the court. A few weeks ago she reinstated contact but stating I could only see my son for a couple of hours, no overnight contact at all. In her words, "those are my terms, take it or leave it". So I have seen my son for a couple of hours a week for the last few weeks, now yesterday she has had a letter through from the court informing her I intend to instigate proceeding. This morning she asked me to see my son for a couple of hours and I picked him up from her Dad's house. I got there and was immediately forced to sit down and speak to her Dad and Stepmother. I was told by them I was making a joke of the whole thing, I have to drop the court action, and if I proceed through with the court action then neither they nor her will pay the court costs and I must pay it myself. I was also told to get a better paid job so I can pay her more maintenance, and told she has had to move house recently because the maintenance was dropped and she couldn't afford to live there. I was then told they will speak to her and arrange for me to have overnight contact with him but I must change a lot of things about myself and march to their drum. And finally her stepmother told me that (I should mention I am an ex civil servant and her stepmother is also a civil servant but in a different government department) her stepmother had got in touch with her contacts at the government department I worked in to find out my exact reasons for leaving and what was on my personnel file. She then told me a few things that otherwise she would have no knowledge about.
Just wondering what your opinions on this all are, am I right to continue with the court action, or should I stop and do what they're telling me?
Thanks in advance.
Hi there....
let me say this : Don't let the family bully you into anything! Let alone march to their tune....no way.
From personal experience ( my son is going through the courts to get contact with his child) if you
feel that going to court is the only option open to you then do it....as once you dance to their tune they
will expect you to do it all the time.
If your ex- stepmother-in-law is accessing your personal file without authorisation or very good reason
you could complain to her line manager.
Make a note of the conversation, when it was, what was said etc and keep it safe, you may need it later.
And to withhold overnight contact just because you can't pay her more maintenance is simply not on....
and I doubt very much the court would take a different view.
Take care
Kirsten
I've never heard anything like it! Who are they to tell you what and what not to do!!! Stick to your guns carry on with the courts and fight for your child don't pay one bit of notice to them and make a complaint at work about het step mum getting that info π
Slim π
I agree entirely with the above - I would say that your stepmother could be looking at a disciplinary.
I agree with all the above posts....It is unacceptable for your ex and her parents to dictate the terms of contact in this manner and if you comply you will only make a rod for your own back. If she has refused to attend mediation, then an application to the court is your only choice to secure for your son the routine and consistency that best meets his needs.
I would also be raising a complaint about the step-mother breaching confidentiality in the work place. Whilst things may get worse in the short term, you and your son will reap the benefits in the longer term. Your son is lucky to have a Dad that is willing to fight for his right to a relationship with both parents. Good luck with your case and don't hesitate to ask questions on here, everyone has been brilliant offering advice for my partner π
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