[Solved] Contact issue

Halfoyster,

If I picked up my son and my ex had made it clear to me that I was to return him after 3-4 days (despite this not being in the court order) and I did not do as as she said, she would call the police for sure. I know what she is like. I predicted she would react like this after his visit last week and I was correct. Its like clockwork with her.

She has called the police and sent them to my door before - for very pathetic reasons. So I'm almost certain she would do that if I kept him longer than she believed I would be keeping him for.

Like I say, the only way she will hand him over to me is if I explicitly agree with her to return him after 3 - 4 days. Otherwise she will not let him leave the home.

I'm trying to avoid a big showdown at xmas time - but maybe the only way that will happen is if she changes her mind and sticks to the order, which I doubt very much.

What I'm getting at is this - If someone explicitly states they will not comply with a court order at a set time in the near future, is that sufficient grounds to involve the court?

Simon.

...yes I think a letter would be wholly appropriate. Reassure her that he had a lovely time and wasn't distressed at all during the visit, suggest in the nicest way that she may be transferring her own anxiety about it to him and this is what could be upsetting him. Let her know how pleased you have been at the way contact has been going since court and the fact that you have both been able to work together in your childs best interests and ask her to reconsider.

As she is intending to breach at the weekend. You can remind her that she will be in breach from that point and you will not hesitate to apply for enforcement if this can't be sorted out. Ask her to confirm her intentions at the weekend and for the visit at Xmas....you're great at getting your point across in writing, perhaps send her a couple of photos of him enjoying himself.

I know of a few people, members on here included, who have provided photos as evidence...it worked for them and I think it's just gives further confirmation of your bond with your child.

It may be hot air just to get your back up she still hasn't breached yet and I'm sure if she does the threat of court should make her pipe down, What NJ has suggested is absolutely spot on I'd be going down that route I wouldn't worry about xmas yet get this hicup out the way and she may reconsider.

As NJ also suggested start building your evidence now if and when she breaks the order write her a letter straight away and come monday morning get a mediator to phone her then crack on for enforcement.

Well done for keeping your cool so far and I'm pleased you have built up your relationship with your child again 🙂

Hi slim,

The problem is, if she breaches the order at xmas, it is all too late and I won't see my son for his xmas visit.

She will not change her mind. Therefore she will only hand our son over to me if I agree to 4 days and not 7. If I turn up to collect him and say I'm bringing him back in 7 days she will not hand him over.

That means the Xmas visit is ruined. As if I enforce immediately it won't do anything to save the Xmas visit and my son won't spend xmas with me.

Ideally I need this sorting asap but it looks like the ex has won this battle by default 🙁 I can't do anything until it's too late and by then I lost what I was most looking forward to.

I suppose a consolation would taking the reduced contact and still applying to enforce immediately after I hand him back.

It seems so petty on her point she'll agree to 4 days but not 7?? absolutely unreal, how about compromising on 5? I know it's a bit of a [censored] but at least you'll defo see him over xmas?

What happens if you agree to her demands, and then at Xmas, on the 4th day, contact her and say that, as per the order, you are keeping him for 7 days? If you have the order to hand in case the police arrive - or you could possibly even speak to them beforehand and tell them what is likely to happen, in which case, they may even explain to your ex if she rings them that they have no grounds for calling round - and in fact, if she turns up herself, then you can call the police for her causing a breach of the peace.

Actd, that idea had occurred to me but I want everything to be transparent and as hassle free as it can be. Sadly things of late are not hassle free.

So as mentioned my ex had withdrawn the mutually agreed overnight contact tonight because she claims my son was distressed after he came home from a week with me. The reason being she claims our son is now afraid she will leave him. She claims he was reluctant to go to nursery and was hysterical.

So I arrived to pick him up today in the morning as I was going to have him until 6pm and he came to the door smiling and asking where nan and grandad were. I put him in his buggy and we went to the park with no fuss at all. He was full of beans all afternoon and we had lots of fun and laughs.

Back at the hotel where I stay, he was just chilling around 5pm and watching a DVDs on his little player and I said to him that it's time to change his nappy and get ready to go home......he immediately started crying. I settled him down and then tried again a little later.....he kicked off again. I said to him I'm taking you home to mummy.....it didn't settle him at all.

He knows that our routine on a Saturday night is chilling together before and after dinner.....and I'm convinced he did not want to go home this evening. Sadly and it broke my heart to see him so upset but I took him home.

My ex I feel is way off base with this. I really do feel my son has become very attached to me and it upsets him now when I leave him. My exes decision to not allow him to stay with me tonight has done more harm than good as she has her reasoning all wrong.

I need to broach this topic with her without offending her and having an argument. He needs to have his contact routine kept consistent but with more focus on transitioning from mum to dad.

I may have managed to negotiate and reassure my ex that the 7 days at Xmas will be successful. The thing is the recent visit lasted 10 days because my ex went on holiday and so he stayed 1day with his grandad and then the rest with me. My ex was saying 7 days was too much for him. I pointed out she was saying he was unsettled following 7 days when in fact it was 10. I then said that 7 days at Xmas is an automatic reduction and that to help our son not feel like mum had left him she could FaceTime with him each day to keep contact. We could also use FaceTime to let me speak to the little lad after I drop him off so he doesn't think I've just left him.

I really think that can work and help the transitioning. My ex I think has agreed to stick to the order as long as I promise to facilitate the FaceTime.

I did suggest all this to her before but she refused. I think it was me pointing out that she asked me to have more days this time than the court had ordered would make her look silly for complaining about something she had a part in creating.

Anyway the Xmas visit should go ahead as planned. Just need to keep an eye on my son and how he deals with it all.

Simon

That sounds like a good compromise, and it sounds like your ex could be happy with this - it could be a way forwards, and you never know, with time you actually might get to the same position that Slim has arrived at. It does sound like a positive first step.