[Solved] contact center

It's not easy, and I don't think anyone can really understand it until they have been through it.

The way I deal with it starts by remind myself that I am not defined by my ex's opinion of me. She may say what she wants. Whether it affects me is a choice I make, and while I admit that it still affects me, with time it affects me less and less.

Two, I think a lot about my kid. I love him more than anyone can understand. I hold myself responsible for the decision of having chosen his mother. I didn't anticipate that she was going to turn into a serial liar and do everything she can to minimize my relationship with him, but it was still my decision. My kid needs me, and the mistake was mine, not his, so I can't give up. He loves his mother to bits, and I have done more than my fair share to nurture their relationship, so I can't attack her either.

Three, I honestly didn't know what discrimination was until I tried being a dad separated to a toxic ex. Some people get destroyed by being discriminated, others become more determined and kind. Again, that's a choice each one of us makes. I started reading about people who thrived under discrimination, Booker T Washington is a good example and he inspires me.

On a more practical level, the thing that is helping significantly as I go through the court process has been to become involved with different community groups and pursue interests I have had for a long time. Build a team, a support network. I focus on what I can give, and over time I find myself surrounded by people I can talk to who help me massively. I started dancing. Today I swam 2K. I don't touch alcohol unless I'm in a healthy group and even then only a small amount. I pay attention to what I eat and how it affects my mood and energy levels.

And perhaps most important of all, I keep the dream well alive. I imagine the day we are getting back into the pool for his swimming lessons. Or the day when he will be over and I'm going to tell him a story as he falls asleep. Or the day I'm going to teach him how to ride a bike. And the day I will be sitting next to him helping him with his homework. And holding his hand as he enters his first day of school. And so on and so on. I visualize all these things and I know they are going to happen because he deserves it, I'm not giving up, and no one is going to stop me from being his dad.

And that's how I deal with it. Hope it helps.

To superprouddad,

What a wonderful approach you have towards the difficulties you face.

On a practical level, is your contact centre time, supervised or supported? If it's supervised, you will have contact notes from these sessions and they can be so valuable in demonstrating to the court and Cafcass that things have progressed well.

Hi a1dad2be, I hope you are well. Getting into a contact centre is often the first steps towards progressing the relationship you and your daughter have. I'm guessing your ex knows how to push you buttons and is saying g the exact things that will warrant a response from you. If she is being nasty, ignore her and always send messages with a cool mind. Before you know it this will be over in no time fingers crossed - time is the friend and the enemy.

When is your next court date? Now that you are having contact in the centre you do not want to lose this. Is there a distance between you and your ex in miles at all? Eventually if you hold up your part of the bargain, the court will allow progression of either hours within the contact centre or community contact for the day progressing towards overnights.

Be strong and we all know you're a great dad, what your ex says about you or two you is just words if you can see it like that. Hopefully your daughter will love spending time with you the more consistency there is with the sessions.

If everything ended with your ex she probably holds certain grudges and has formed her opinion about you.. this can't be helped. There's no point becoming an A1 dad and an A1 ex...be the best you can be for your daughter and hold in there. Use the session reports and even staff statements to say you arrive on time, have no problems with you etc (only if they are willing...this is not necessary). Judges often have seen plenty of cases and can tell what can be fixed with a lil patience and what needs a court order.

My ex vanished with me daughter in 2014 after our divorce when she was only 1 years old, eventually she tried to accuse me of Domestic Violence and allegations of abduction were made...the court made me jump thru so many hoops, but after there weren't anymore hoops to jump thru the court ordered overnight contact every fortnight at a mutually (free) pick up and drop off location which is a car park of a retail psrk, two conversations on the phone with my daughter a week lasting 10/15 minutes a time. I used this site and self represented, only spent £300 for the C100 form and a [censored] of a lot of hours....this is just a personal view, and I don't mean the next bit as advice, but when I went in to the solicitors in 2015 for an hour free consultation it was evident they could run my case for me...but could they convey the love I have for my daughter on my behalf, I doubted it and am so happy I spent the money to sort out my life than on legal fees.

Just stay calm if you can and give the time some time. Court dates are the bane of existence. The anxiety builds and you want to make sure you're on top of everything. Show the court you have moved past the ending of your relationship and are willing to be civil...this will show true change and the court will hopefully listen to you

All the best

yes my ex has made it that hard for me,, that im in a contact center supervised, and has all gone very well no probs what so ever and i think the cafcass report reflects this, am back in court very soon thanku

thanku yasser,, but there is no contact with mum, mums choice , im all alone in this

yes my ex has made it that hard for me,, that im in a contact center supervised, and has all gone very well no probs what so ever and i think the cafcass report reflects this, am back in court very soon thanku

... That sounds encouraging, your contact has gone well and you have a good CAFCASS report. What are their recommendations to the court?

cafcass recomend more supervised contact but not much more

That's good, it might help if you prepare a shedule of increasing contact, to put forward to the court, you could do it in the form of Position statement.

thanks mojo then how would i do this,, ? and would i get to take baby home? mum against anything , mind,

If there are no safeguarding issues, then yes the court would at some point order that your daughter be allowed to spend quality time with you at home.

How often do you see her at the moment? You could propose that after another 2-3months at the Centre that contact be moved into the community, perhaps suggest that that would be for a morning or an afternoon every Saturday for 2 months, next that would be increased to a full day for a further 2months. The next stage would be contact visit one afternoon midweek as well as the weekend visit for another coup,e of months. She will be 2 by this time and an overnight could be added on the Saturday so that you would have her all day Saturday, Saturday night returning her on Sunday, plus a midweek contact. At this point the court might want to move the weekend contact to fortnightly so that both parents have quality weekend time with her.