[Solved] Constantly changing arrangements. Can court help?

If she's already refused mediation (if this was in the last 4 months) you can get a mediator to sign a court form for you.

To be honest, it doesn't sound like you only need to go to court about the special occasions (this would be a Specific Issue Order) but about all of the arrangements if she's constantly changing them and sending you abusive messages etc.

You could apply for a Child Arrangements Order which would cover everything and hopefully provide your child with the stability and level of contact with you that meets their needs.

You could start by sending a letter that states if you are unable to come to a reasonable agreement, you will be left with no other choice than to make a court application to resolve all of the issues.

It might make things worse for a while if you do go to court but once it's over she will have to stick to the order and should minimise any communication you have to engage in with her.

Good luck, keep posting and we will do what we can to support you.

Hi Yoda,

Thank you for your reply.

I thought that might be the case and dreaded facing reality in fairness. Just feels as though the courts wont have the power to make her do what is right regardless of bits of paper or words.

I will proceed then to apply for a child arrangements order. The main thing that is being thrown around alot is money.

I am on a low income. Any amount of money I offer her is too low although im offering above the recommended amount set by child maintenance.

Along with the money I have offered to buy clothes, pay for trips etc.

My child is sent to my house in her pyjamas and returns home in her pyjamas. Any clothes I buy and send her home in get either rejected or confiscated and kept.

Is this something that also will get looked into by the courts?

Deep breathe now time to get writing.

It's quite often the case that mothers use the children as bartering points for money. If you're on a low income, you're on a low income.

Court and finances are two separate issues and the court will not deal with those. However, you can point out that you believe a lot of the issues appear to be financially motivated.

No, the court won't deal with trivial matters around clothing etc - that's something the two of you will have to work out yourselves. If your child doesn't come with anything other than pj's just have things at yours and don't bother sending things back. If the mother wants to refuse extras on top of maintenance that's her look out really.

I would suggest that if you're going to apply to court that you think about suggestions of arrangements that mean you have minimal contact with the mother and perhaps propose before or during court that you use an exercise book to pass to each other with all relevant communication in.

I would also suggest keeping your correspondence with the mother to a written format, you will then have evidence if you need it during proceedings and also makes it less likely to get into an argument if you don't have to respond straight away.

You don't need to prepare much for the first hearing, just a short statement to the court laying out what sort of order you would like and why it will benefit your child. Don't try to submit any evidence at the first hearing. You don't have permission for that.

Many thanks again you are a star! One more thing that's eating me..

The current arrangement however lucky I may be is I get to see her every weekend, well when she is allowed.

Is there a chance that the courts could drop this down to once a fortnight and a Wednesday? as I believe that is the most common arrangement between dads

I don't tend to have free evenings due to work and the arrangement if it worked is (close to) perfect as we get to juggle things around to see family do homework etc.

Most contact arranged via court is for full alternate weekends with some midweek contact & it's a sensible suggestion to put forward as the child then has a full quality weekend with both parents. You need to focus everything from the child's point of view first and then state the limits your work places. The court's priority is the child's welfare and you should always speak from that perspective.

I understand. Your words are very reassuring. Thanks again, have a great weekend 🙂

[censored] yeah! Go for a child arrangement order and put this to bed once and for all you or your child can't live your lives at the beckon call of your ex it's just not on you can't carry on like this for the rest of your lives, yeah she will hit the roof kick off scream and shout once you do get her to court but in the long run you are doing this for stability for your child, women always use their child as weapons it like controlling you and they don't like it when you take control back, court is not easy and she will probs get worse before she gets better I know because my ex stopped me from seeing my baby for 10 months when I started my application to court but my god I'm so pleased I did I can be a dad in complete peace and be a dad on my own terms without interference from my ex it's awesome.

This is the kind of inspiration I want to hear.. Wow 10 months that is some time! That would be seriously hard for me and her brothers, but like you say in the long term!

Could not imagine having no interference, no condescending, no more friction or anxiety on pickups. 5 Years I have tried to explain to people what I go through week in week out for them not to understand or think there must be something more to it. Glad I found people who understand my situation

Mate it was absolutely horrific, I cried myself to sleep every night I missed out on rolling over, sitting up, crawling, walking talking the lot even her 1st birthday this is after she barred me from all the scans, pregnancy I found out the [censored] of my baby over face book worst time of my life it was this site that got me through it to be fair and I actually ended up enjoying the court fighting for my girl on my own, no one can understand what it is like unless it happens to you.

But in the general scheme of things 10 months is nothing compared to a life time with your child I've had nearly 2 years of relative calm and 18 months seeing my girl EVERY weekend I'm so pleased I can be a dad on my own terms and so pleased I'm not stuck in a [censored] relationship with my girls mum, I'm just laid here having morning cuddles with my girl it's fantastic 🙂

...as it stands at the moment your at the mercy of the mothers whims, a court order will help to settle this, although it's no guarantee that she will stop trying to mess with your time with your daughter, you will have the right to applt to court for enforcement if this happens.

If possible it would be a good idea to ask to pick your daughter up from school on the Friday and return her to school on the Monday, then you would be keeping contact with your ex to a minimum.

Again, if possible, I would also suggest you go for half of all. School holidays, but if work doesn't permit this ask for two full weeks during the. Summer holidays, alternate christmas and birthdays and fathers if it doesn't fall on your weekend.

Best of luck

I hear that Slim and sorry she had messed you about like that, in the end though your daughter won't remember that break and the bond will be strong! Daughters need their dads afterall.

Mojo the terms are more than doable for myself and actually are ideal, but I believe I would have a really big battle on my hands to get them. I used to have her every weekend Saturday until Sunday. She was unhappy with this and so we changed in mediation to Fri night-Sat eve and Sat-Sun alternated. Our shorter weekends are so rushed now with me having to cook drop her home etc. that we daren't leave the house to go and visit family, that's when she decided the Friday-Saturday was a great time for us to do some homework, with the threat of her not being allowed to visit otherwise.

Where shall we go from here to get the ball rolling.. I can buy the certificate from mediation this week and fill in c100 form. Do I send her some type of letter stating what id like to go for or anything? DO I need to pay any court fees? Most of all what if she is armed with a blu...I mean solicitor 😮