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Hi everyone,
It's been a looooong time since I last posted here!
A brief recap, I have a shared residency arrangement with my ex regarding our son (who's now eight). This has been in place for around six and half years. I have him 6 nights out of 14 and she has him for 8 nights. I have him for additional nights during holidays and special occasions.
This arrangement was never enshrined in a court order. There was period, around 6 years ago, whereby she stopped contact and I had to seek legal advice to re-establish contact. The issue was resolved prior to going to court.
My ex has two other children that were born after we split up. Unfortunately they don't have a relationship with their father, but they're lovely little girls and don't seem overly perturbed by his non-presence. He's a waste of space with a string of criminal convictions, including violence. Good riddance. They're all better off without him.
Things haven't been easy, but I've managed to keep things amicable with my son's mum despite our differences.
My ex has recently started seeing someone with five children. My understanding is that he was awarded custody of them earlier this year. One of them isn't his biologically, but social services and the courts clearly didn't want to split the children.
He doesn't live with my ex, but is there constantly. As are his children, who are badly behaved. They, as a family, have a social worker. As we all know, it's not often that a father gets full custody. My understanding is that it was a bitter and grim case.
My son is incredibly unhappy. He has no privacy and is forced to play with children that he has repeatedly stated that he doesn't like. He says he's antagonised and bullied. When he reacts, he's scolded by his mum. I've brought the subject up with his mum, but she defends the other children and says that they've had a hard time and need more support. They probably do, but it's not my son's place to do this. He's an eight year old kid. Not a qualified social worker.
All this has happened very quickly, as is par for the course with my ex. Her emotional gratification is paramount. Everyone else's is a secondary factor.
Over the last day or so, I've been informed that her new boyfriend also has a criminal record and has spent time in prison. I don't know the details, but this is one of many the reasons that the family are supported by social services. I've been told that he had to have regular drug tests as part of his custody application.
I've broached the subject of my son's unhappiness, but my ex won't engage. Once again I find myself concerned at my ex's lack of judgement. This is the second man she has introduced to my son who has a criminal record. Do I have no right to query this?
I can't stop her from seeing this guy. It's her life. However I have a duty of care to my son. Do I have any legal recourse to limit my child's interaction with him and his family until I can get some solid information from social services?
Hi there
It's such a shame for you and your son that things have turned sour, especially as you have worked so hard to keep things on an even keel.
I feel that your options are fairly limited because he doesn't live with your ex and son, even though he's there a lot. There's also the fact that you don't have a court order, so she could chop and change and there's not a lot you could do about it.
It's unfair that your son is having to put up with this and that his mother is refusing to engage about it. Might it help to try mediation, she would at least realise that you're not going to let it drop and she needs to take account of how your son feels and take some action to remedy this.
If mediation fails then you could consider applying for a Child Arrangements Order for shared residence, as you have him almost 50% of the time and have done for a long time, you could then address your sons current situation and it would be looked at through the court process.
In sure your ex would want to avoid court so she may decide to start prioritising your son and putting some changes in place.
Best of luck
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