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Hi all,
I am a complete newby to posting here, however I have a long and hardened history regarding my one teen child (X). There is a lot of relevant history to this question, but rather than write an essay I will focus on the issue at hand without too much detail as it could easily lead to identification.
I have been alienated from X gradually over recent years. A very close loving relationship that has turned sour. There are valid reasons why X might be frustrated at me, but those reasons have been magnified and promoted by the mother, This has gotten to the point that this year X decided to stop speaking with me.
Roll forward to some time this year, X has experienced some major life-changing issues . The social services and medical contacts have said that X decided to exclude me from any information about what's going on and I am beside myself. They have made a judgment that X is capable of making a decision to exclude me in matters that clearly pertain to me, and have made a judgement about best interests without involving me.
My question is if these professionals did not inform me of the issues and have allowed X to be corrupted by the mother in this regard over a lengthy period, is there any recourse to have them provide information regarding X decision to exclude me, how they formed it, how X was even presented with the decision to include or exclude me in the first place and to challenge the decision made by them? Is there a way to establish if his mother was involved in the decision by X? I am acting blind here.
Any pointers or recommendations? I firmly believe they are not acting in 'best interests' and have failed in their duty to help X consider all relevant facts and consequences before allowing X to make that decision,
I am distraught, scared, horrified and angry at the thought of the situation but I appear powerless to do anything to assist my child.
It sounds like "gillick competence" has been applied here. This is where a child under the age of 16 is deemed mature enough and has sufficient understanding to make certain decisions about their own medical treatment... the decision to exclude you may come under this.
It would be difficult at this point to express concerns that your child has been corrupted over a lengthy period, as the authorities would question why you hadn't voiced your concerns at the time and tried to do something about the alienation.
I can totally understand why you are feeling distraught and I would advise that you take some form of proper legal advice about a possible challenge to the status quo. This is something I'm not too knowledgeable about and would be loathe to try and advise you with such patchy knowledge of this particular situation.
It might be that you can make a court application for a Child Arrangements Order for contact with your child and in this process you may be able to question your exclusion, but as I said I'm not sure if this would be possible.
Perhaps you could attempt mediation, some mediators do include older children in sessions, you would have to enquire if they offer this facility. The only other resourcethat I can suggest is contacting NYAS who may be able to advise you further.
Or the Family Rights Group
www.frg.org.uk
Best of luck
Many thanks for your reply.
As I mentioned, there's a lot more colour to this situation, so really I am focussed on the Gillick competency and the right to privacy. I do not feel that that test has been applied fairly, and I do not believe that 'competence' is present and neither do I feel that "best interests" can be decided by a professsional without the input of both parents, given the specific circumstances.
I would like to challenge this decision, and you are right, it may take a legal opinion as I can't find much reference to specific examples of this being overturned in any way. It seems from what I read that the "professionals" can't really be questioned in this regard even if they design the questions they ask, the give the information they want and if they believe the chld understands this, then there's a tick put in a box. There seems to be no science or evidence brought into play at all.
Needless to say, there are over-arching and lengthy legal proceedings where the issue of alienation has be brought up, but this particular issue has made me realise to what extent a web has been woven.
Many thanks once again.
Just an opinion here, but if the child has decided that they don't want contact, then challenging this decision may make the situation worse. Is there any way you can suggest that the agencies help you to rebuild some form of contact - it may be indirect at first, and for a while to come, but it might be the connstructive approach.
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