Welcome to the DAD.Info forum: Important Information – open to read:
Our forum aims to provide support and guidance where it can, however we may not always have the answer. The forum is not moderated 24 hours a day, so If you – or someone you know – are being harmed or in immediate danger of being harmed, call the police on 999.
Alternatively, if you are in crisis, please call Samaritans on 116 123.
If you are worried about you or someone you know is at risk of harm, please click here: How we can help
Can someone please give me some advice.
In 2005 I sought a contact order so that my 2 children (now aged 10 and 8) can come to my home town from 300 miles away 3 times a year and as my ex-wife won't agree to drive any distance or share the cost I have been doing this ever since and financing the car and train journeys each year.
It's about £250 each time as I have to catch a 12 hour train journey (as the car won't make it anymore) up and back (with them) then a week later do the same journey to take them home. I am finding it harder and harder (through lack of finances) to do this journey and will get to the point of no longer affording to do it except maybe once per year, possibly twice.
I remarried 4 years ago and my wife is off long term sick from her job, she doesn't qualify for Statutory sick pay anymore and we saw the council this morning and they said we'll be lucky to qualify for £40 a month in benefits, she's been refused the new Employment and Support Allowance and we're just living on my wages which isn't a lot so our outgoings hugely outweigh our incomings now.
My question is:
as I have a contact order that states (because I asked for it) that the children come down 3 times a year I need to know where I stand, please don't get me wrong it'll break my heart to see them even less but I am getting to the stage whereby it's physically impossible to pay for the journeys - how can you pay for a journey when you have no money. I have asked for help from my parents and immediate family but they are not in a financial position to help and I don't know what to do. I do keep in phone contact with my children regularly and know my ex-wife has no compassion for my circumstances. I still pay my maintenance every week to her.
Thanks
Hi Shaun
Unless it's specified in the court order, I don't think you can get your ex to pay towards the cost of the travel (can anyone confirm or correct this?). You can deduct reasonable travel expenses from your takehome pay (apart from the first £15 per week I believe) for the calculation of maintenance so this may help a little.
As a matter of interest, I assume you have a family railcard, if not, this could save you a fortune on the two journeys where you have the children with you. Check the trainline (there are other sites as well) to see about booking well in advance and vary the times/days you go - you can get tickets quite a lot cheaper sometimes, and don't forget to look at booking singles rather than return tickets, it can often be cheaper to buy two singles rather than a return ticket.
In addition, have you looked at alternative methods of transport - coach fares are often cheaper, especially if booked in advance, and if megabus goes anywhere near, it may be worth looking at an alternative route.
Finally, have you considered hiring a car - if you look around and pick an off peak time, you can sometimes hire for less than £20 per day - driving a small car carefully, you could be looking at £70 or less in fuel so each trip would cost you about £90 - that a £70 saving on the two journeys.
Purely out of interest, roughly where are you and your children based (no need to be too specific)?
Thanks for replying.
I live in South Devon and my children live in North Wales, I still hate the expense and the time it takes to get them but I have persevered with it because I know that when I have them it's worthwhile. The hiring of a car isn't any good because I would have to pay for petrol (which is about the same cost as the train journey) AND the hire of the car so it works out more expensive, I've thought about a coach but it takes 7-8 hours just to go up there and then I have the expense of a hotel whereas a train, I can go up and back in 1 day becuase I try to leave around 7am. I do buy a Friends and Family railcard and try to book far ahead but this depends on finances, I do look for the cheapest journey - sometimes I leave on the 5am train just because it's the cheapest.
It's literally due to the severe lack of finances as my wife is off long term sick with no signs of returning to work at the moment & we're living off my wages only - which isn't a lot.
Thanks again.
Hi Shaun,
I would also say that you need to consider the possibility of National Express Coaches... yes the travel is slightly longer, however they very regularly run £10/£20 offers and childrens places or at least they used to up until a year or so ago.
Booking tickets a long time in advance would also help.
Head over to:
http://www.turn2us.org.uk/
http://www.adviceguide.org.uk <-- CAB site
It may have some more information on entitlements possibly.
Ah, it's a [censored] as you're also a bit out of the way. One other thought - could you use the coach as overnight accomodation, ie go up late on the coach so you are sleeping on the coach, come back down on the train with your children, then the following week take your children back later on by train and then come back overnight by coach? That way your are sleeping through the journeys you are taking on your own, and you only pay a coach return fare for these which is often a lot cheaper.
Thanks for the advice guys
actd, that's quite a good strategy - I'll look into that. The next time I have them is April so I'll have time to do some investigating. I have got up at 4am and caught the 5.30am train before so I do put myself out (and I know I should for my kids sake). I'm proud to say that my maintenance is paid on time every week having never missed a payment and I do these expensive and long journeys too, even though it hurts financially and my [censored] ex-wife won't drive more than a mile to the train station to drop them off & collect them - I had visions of taxi-ing to her door and back from the station with them, I nearly collapsed when she offered to do that.
Thanks again.
Welcome to the DAD.info forum.
We don’t like to set ‘rules’, but to make sure that you and the other dads are kept safe, we have some requests. When engaging with the forum, please be aware of the following:
- The forum is not moderated 24 hours per day.
- Many of the moderators do so on a voluntary basis. Whilst they may be able to provide some guidance, advice or support, they may not be able to deal with specifics.
- We are not an emergency crisis service so if you or someone else is in immediate danger, please call emergency services.
- If you are concerned about the safety of a child, please click here to find the support you can get for them (link to new page)
- If you are in crisis, please call Samaritans on 116 123. They are open 24 hours a day, 7 days per week.
We hope you find this forum a supportive environment and thank you for joining us.