[Solved] Christmas with the kid

In my experience most parents opt to (and what most people on here mention on Child Arrangements Orders from Court) share birthdays and Christmas days by alternating each year.

.... I mean, then its the same number of Xmas' that the child gets to spend with both parents (i.e. present it from the child's point of view...) that sounds fair (for the child) right?

It is a bit odd if you have overnights and 2 days a week already as in ex cannot say she is too young, etc

Hope helps

Hi There,
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I agree that is theory every other Christmas day swapped with boxing day is more than fair so as said the child gets christmas day evenly between parents and the parent that doesn't have the child on Christmas day gets all day boxing day, but that said the judges don't all share that view.
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Some do which I feel is great however some do still believe that a child should be at home on Christmas morning, I know when I went through court the judge was of the oppinion that a child should wake in the home they live on Christmas morning and then go in the late afternoon to the fathers home to wake there on Boxing day.
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If your ex won't agree to sharing a larger amount of time on Christmas day. you would either have to accept what she has given or continue to try and work out a compromise, I would maybe look at collecting your duaghter in the Christmas day evening and then returning Boxing day evening, this may be the best your ex will accept.
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GTTS

Hi

It sounds like you have an amicable relationship with your ex and it is important to maintain that because being friends in a separated relationship is not always the healthiest thing to do, so if it's working, stick with it.

I think your contact is good and you are getting to see her on Christmas Day; if you have read some of the other posts here, a lot of Dads don't get to see or know where their kids are so never get to see them at Christmas!

My point is, your daughter is very young and whether it's Christmas Eve, Christmas Day or Boxing Day, she's going to be spoiled with love which is more important than couples who have to prove something for their own gain.

I myself am only seeing my 5 year old daughter for a couple of hours on Christmas Day morning before my ex takes her to her Mums for Christmas dinner and an overnight stay there.mwe have also been separated for 3 months and it had been amicable, but things are breaking down now.
I could make a huge fuss, but like you, I see her a couple of times a week so contact is not a problem; I'm just going to enjoy her opening her presents and having lots of hugs.

It's about the quality time together, not specific days or length of time.

Hope it works out

I have to agree with headspace on this - you are actually getting to see her on xmas day to some extent, and while you may want more, it's not bad (and if you reversed the situation you are suggesting, so you had her xmas eve, and a short time on xmas day, and then she had her the rest of xmas, would you really be that happy?)

Although it's annoying, I really would look at the bigger picture - things are amicable, but if it stops being amicable, then you are going to end up losing out on much more than just Christmas. Can you come to an agreement with your ex that she has your daughter on xmas day (and you get to see her for some time) and then the reverse happens on her birthday? Both are exciting days for your daughter.

I would accept the hours being offered for Christmas Day - you state things have been amicable and without a court order in place, she can actually do what she likes. Perhaps you could suggest that you accept the few hours on Christmas Day but ask for longer on Boxing Day?

Pick your battles wisely, it's issues like this that can make things turn from being amicable to hostile very quickly.

If you can't agree long term about special occasions, you could always try mediation. That might help. Horrible to advise you to take what you are being given, but from experience, these things can just end with no contact and huge arguments.

Good luck

Your daughter is still very young and as the others have said, is it worth rocking the boat and potentially losing the great contact you have been able to negotiate. Playthe long game, let it slide this year but revisit it again later, and as Yoda advises, if you are stuck on this aspect of contact, mediation might've helpful in getting some resolution.

All the best

Hello Scott worthis,

I can well understand the sense of unfairness you feel regarding your wife's attitude in not sharing time with your daughter over Christmas. In light of the amicable arrangements you have with her and the arrangements for contact which have been established between the two of you, I would accept her offer for this year.

My Son's Ex (who is hostile and sees the children as her possessions) stated to him, "you will never, ever have the children on Christmas day." So what happens is that he collects them Boxing Day morning and has them for 5 days (roughly half of the school holiday). This arrangement first took place when the eldest was three years of age. Father Christmas comes to their home at Daddy's on Boxing Day so in effect they have two Christmas Days one with their Mother and one with Daddy. During those five days they go to two pantomimes and have lots of fun in many other ways too. Prior to Christmas they go with Daddy (when it is his weekend for contact) to see Father Christmas.

Their Mother is under the belief she has got her own way and is very happy about it but little does she realize we have Christmas with them, we have just changed the day. This year, you could have a Christmas, the weekend they come to you.

Stay amicable with your wife, put your thinking cap on and in an appropriate way which would not jeopardize the contact you have, think of a solution you could put to her next year regarding the festive season.