[Solved] Children leaving with Mother legalities

I partially agree with what you are quoting as there can be, or it certainly can seem like there is, a lot of bias in family law. Personally I believe there should be a presumption of 50/50 shared care provided there are no safeguarding concerns and both parents can meet the needs of the children equally.

On a positive note, not everything has to be dragged through the courts for months and years on end. These tend to be extreme cases and the ones we hear most about. It would be great to hear from more parents who indeed achieve very good outcomes.

In many cases, for example, where there is already contact in place but one parent is being awkward, matters are very frequently resolved in one hearing.

With regard to maintenance I believe that we should all contribute towards bringing up our children, but agree that CMS advisors don't always handle things the best way & that contact should never used as a tool to manipulate financial issues.

Try to keep talking with the mother and hopefully keep an open dialogue so that you can parent together.

It's definitely true that there is still some bias out there that makes it harder for men to stay in their children's lives after separation, ie, men are not allowed to stay in maternity wards overnight bonding with their newborn children, women get a lot more parental leave than men, again, preventing men from developing stronger bonds with their children, and it's harder for men to get parental responsibility which can make the legal process harder than it should be.

Having said that I think sometimes, especially in the initial stages of separation, the problem is not existing bias, the problem is that men assume everything is against them and don't even try, or are not ready to make the sacrifices needed to succeed.

Like your quote says, unless you are prepared to fight you get nothing. Yes it's hard. Being a father is hard, and that's what makes it rewarding.

separating from a partner is never easy especially when there are children involved and sometimes if the split is nasty then when court orders are put into place it can then provoke 'mud slinging' and 'allegations'

sometimes parents will accuse each other of all kinds of things and say the other parent is not good enough, this then makes the courts want to investigate this to make sure there are no safeguarding concerns which then slows the process down alot

Now always remember this...someone who has a good experience will hardly ever come on the internet and scream about it but someone who had a bad experience will and sometimes these fathers don't tell the whole story....just saying

There may be other matters involved why the relationship has come to an end or they cannot see their children such as dv they may need investigating and sometimes people are not going to tar themselves with a brush on a forum because they want help and sympathy so when you read about someones bad experience, just remember that you may not know all the details of what really happened

in your case i would speak to your partner/wife about mediation with regards to contact with the children, this can be far easier in organising contact than going through the court process. If a resolution can be made in mediation then it can be rubber stamped by a court

Thanks for the replies.

Contact would not be an issue, It's just the way it's automatically assumed the children are best with their mother.

If it ever got to a court situation what sort of factors would be taken into consideration.

Anyone any experience on that matter and the potential costs involved

I agree with you that there is still a bias towards keeping children with mothers rather than fathers, having said that, that bias is not as big as it was in the past, and ultimately, you need to focus on your child and how you're going to raise him/her, because if you focus on the biases you reinforce them.

If you go to court, one thing that you need to understand is the dynamics change. It's not unusual for ex's to start throwing allegations of domestic violence, or anything else they can find to not loose control of the children. The cooperation you still have today will dissapear and you'll be facing a different person than the one you interact today.

To answer your question, if you do go to court, they like at the so called child welfare checklist ( https://www.inbrief.co.uk/child-law/child-welfare-checklist/ ).

In practical terms, the only cases where a father seems to take sole residency seem to be when the mother is incapable of caring for the children ( ie, substance abuse ) or a workaholic who spends little time with the children. There have also been cases where dads took residency because their were able to provide a better family environment. But just because sole residency is extremely unlikely, doesn't mean you give up. You can still get substantial time with your kids, and having both parents in their life is better for them anyway.

To increase your chances, just demonstrate in practical terms how important you are to them. Maybe you have been taking them to sport activities every Saturday for the last X years. Or maybe you help them with their homework and they get better grades for it. Or maybe you tell them stories before bedtime every night. Anything that you can show how you are contributing to their physical/mental well being will help you get a better order. Just show you are a good dad and stop worrying about what people post on the internet.

It's just a journey into the unknown, the process and cost may be worth it if successful but I'm not sure.

They talk of the kids best interests...

What's better if the Mother starts working near full time and relying on childcare

Or the Father is not working and can dedicate more time to them

I've no doubt can get substantial time with them if end up staying local as I do lots as it stands and don't see that changing.

However if they leave and move away a distance then that dynamic would change greatly.

I've taken my kids to many sporting activities and fun sessions since the beginning and still do, it's also a lot more than just a Saturday. Overall been a very hands on Father, that's why it feels like such a potential blow.

Is that enough though and its the potential cost that's alarming.

What is the deemed norm for local access, every second weekend?

😉 GG I definitely sympathise with what you are saying.

It's not that fathers don't have any rights, it is more like the system is rigged against dads to a great extent.

You could also pick children up and go, but the fact is fathers almost never do. Mothers do and you have to apply for prohibitive steps order to stop it, if you can, in time. So odds are stacked against fathers in this example. There should be other safeguards, and the incentives to do such a thing should be removed, i.e. the status quo.

There are many other examples I am sure everybody aware of. E.g. not enforcing orders effectively because it is in the interest of children.

CMS rules defies logic. I can not get my head around how it could possibly be fair in many cases that I hear about.

I could go on and on.

If you are after just what they call shared "quality" time, then probably courts deliver that most of the time.But that doesn't stop the resident mother moving hundreds of miles away.

I will stop my rant now

Do you think it's likely they will move away?

A bog standard contact arrangement would be every other weekend, a visit midweek and a share of special occasions and school holidays.