[Solved] Childcare time.

Hi , When I went to court for my CAO last year . My ex , at the final hearing said she had started my son playing in a local football team. She requested I take him on my weekends ( I was awarded alternate weekends fri - sun & mid week contact ) So i would be ‘ loosing ‘ several hours on my Saturdays. Before I could respond, the judge said to my ex that I am under no obligations whatsoever to take my son anywhere / to any activities that she requests and that it was completely my decision as it was my time with my son and up to my parental choices as to whether I wanted him to attend . The judge said that he advised my ex to find activities that were only in ‘ her time ‘ or let the activity provider know that my son may miss it every other weekend. So I do not believe that court will look badly upon your decision to stop taking your daughter to cheerleading ( if that is what you decide )
Your ex may see it as it’s in her best interests that you take her but you do not and that is perfectly acceptable. You and your ex will not always agree and that doesn’t automatically make you the ‘ bad guy’ . Unless your court order specificity states you must take her then you are under no obligation too and your time with your daughter should be spent how you see fit and not dictated by your ex . Especially, if your daughter doesn’t wish to attend either.

Regarding court , there are only two ways in which your ex could take you back
1. Apply under a C79 application which is to enforce an order . This does not require attendance to mediation. However , as the name suggests it is to enforce and order and therefore the order needs to be breached before that could be considered. As I said above , unless your order says you must take your daughter to cheerleading/ activities then you are not breaching anything and I doubt the courts would even consider it

2. Your ex can apply to amend / vary the current order . This involves the same process of obtaining the initial CAO .She would have to attend mediation and you would need to be offered to attend too . If that fails then the mediator would sign a form to which would enable your ex to submit a C100 application to court to amend / vary the order . That being said , I don’t really see what she could be requesting to vary so again I don’t see that she would be successful.

In my opinion, you have absolutely nothing to worry about . She can not dictate to you what you do with your daughter . If it was me , I’d send her an email / text etc saying that your daughter had expressed to you that she does not wish to attend the cheerleading classes whilst in your care and that although you have persevered and taken the girls to these activities for two years . You feel as their father that this is now having a negative impact on the relationships in your family unit and because of this you will no longer be allowing the girls to participate whilst in your care . Unless the girls request they attend in which case you will make an informed decision yourself . I would say that your time is precious with the girls and you do not feel it is reasonable that activities are booked in your time as your contact is to be planned by you and you only . I’d finish by saying something like “ When the girls are in your care it is your decision as to what activities you allow them to participate in but this also applies to me too so going forward I would appreciate it if my time with our children is left clear to allow me to plan my own contact “

Something like that anyway . Hope I’ve helped a little but honestly don’t worry . I’d she stopped contact on those grounds that you won’t tske her cheerleading then the courts would be extremely pissed !

Is she cutting down the amount of contact or just asking you to take them to the lesson?

To be honest, she shouldn't really book activities on your time & unless your daughters are desperate to attend, I would probably tell her she needs to stick to the court order and that activities during your contact time need to stop.

As the last poster said, most judges would say that parents should not book activities during the other's time.

She can apply to vary the order if she likes but similarly, you could apply to enforce it.

hi,

i agree with what other members stated. if she wants to arrange activities in your care time with kids, then you might aswell not bother. in my case, ex did get my kid involved in swimming lessons mid-week before court process. so when i asked for mid-week contact, this was only option given to me lol. if i refused i would be seen as not acting in childs best interests or not bothered about seeing them. so i just went along with it. and i make the most of my own weekends with the kids, where i can take them wherever i want.