Welcome to the DAD.Info forum: Important Information – open to read:
Our forum aims to provide support and guidance where it can, however we may not always have the answer. The forum is not moderated 24 hours a day, so If you – or someone you know – are being harmed or in immediate danger of being harmed, call the police on 999.
Alternatively, if you are in crisis, please call Samaritans on 116 123.
If you are worried about you or someone you know is at risk of harm, please click here: How we can help
Last year my eldest came to me on one of her once every three week visits ( they stay between 10am and 5pm every third Sunday) with a piece of paper in her hand requesting to have her surname changed from my surname to both her mothers and mine with a hyphen. Whilst I wasn't pleased with this I did sign it to 'keep the peace' as I didn't want anything spoiling our day. The paper was already signed by her mother and witnessed by one of her mothers friends which really put me in a no win situation to start off with.
A few weeks after this was my daughters birthday, she came and visited and we had a good day, but come the next visit my younger daughters came with a note supposedly from my eldest saying that she never wanted to see me again.
Yesterday my two youngest turned up with the same piece of paper saying that they would also like to have their name changed. I have to say this knocked me for six as they had said after their sister had done it that they were going to keep my surname and wouldn't change it. Once again to 'keep the peace' I signed it, but there is a nagging doubt in my head that things will go the same way as they did with my eldest.
What really rankles me is that without discussion between the two of us their mother has signed these and given them to the girls to give to me, leaving me between a rock and a hard place. I should have sorted things out years ago but always thought that things would settle down on their own and the girls would visit more than the original every 2 weeks and would maybe stay over the odd time as well. As it is things are getting worse and I feel like my daughters are being guided away from me by their mother who was an absolute control person whilst I was with her and what I'm seeing and sensing now leads me to believe that she hasn't changed.
I have looked into going to court to gain better access and I know I have left things too long and should have acted sooner, solicitors fees would be around £5000. Another route would be mediation at around £180 per session then court if things don't get sorted out.
I'm wondering if other people have been through a similar thing and what is the best way to go about getting things sorted?
Thanks in advance.
i've posted quite afew times on name changes, if you do a seach in posts with topic "surname change" or adding by user "Dad-i-d" you should find plenty of responses.
with regards to costs using a solicitor....£5k if you're lucky and she plays fair! i'm £11k in and self representing for the last £1.5k of that!
if you feel confindent in speaking in court try using a Makenzie friend for advice and assistance....i found them to be half the cost of a solicitor for a day in court and their help is specific to family law.
Hi there
As you've already signed the name change application, I doubt there's much you can do about that.
To apply for a Child Arrangements Order you must first attempt mediation, if that fails then the mediator will sign the application form to enable you to apply for a court order for contact.
A lot depends on the ages of your children, if your oldest is a teenager, her wishes are likely to carry weight with the court, and it's worth bearing in mind that a court application may put further strain on your relationship with your children, especially if their mother is manipulative and controlling, it's likely she will try and get back at you through them, it's also very common for a resident parent to stop all contact once they receive the court papers.
There's lots of information about the process in the stickys at the top of the legal eagle section, if you have any further questions, please don't hesitate to ask
All the best
Thanks for the replies.
I am due to see a mediator on Friday. My children aren't teenagers yet although my eldest will be in a couple of months.
I sent a text to their mother the other day as my two youngest said that they wanted to see me more, alas she hasn't replied which is no surprise as she even switches the house phone off on their birthdays and doesn't even let them hear the messages I leave wishing them a happy birthday.
Once I have been to see the mediator hopefully I'll have a better indication as to where I stand.
Welcome to the DAD.info forum.
We don’t like to set ‘rules’, but to make sure that you and the other dads are kept safe, we have some requests. When engaging with the forum, please be aware of the following:
- The forum is not moderated 24 hours per day.
- Many of the moderators do so on a voluntary basis. Whilst they may be able to provide some guidance, advice or support, they may not be able to deal with specifics.
- We are not an emergency crisis service so if you or someone else is in immediate danger, please call emergency services.
- If you are concerned about the safety of a child, please click here to find the support you can get for them (link to new page)
- If you are in crisis, please call Samaritans on 116 123. They are open 24 hours a day, 7 days per week.
We hope you find this forum a supportive environment and thank you for joining us.