[Solved] Child contact advise

Hi all back again for more advise
the only contact I have at the moment is with my two daughters this via text message only. My wife is insisting I stop texting them as they don't want to speak to me the eldest at 15 has been fed a load of negative untruths by her mum and barley wants to talk.
Would you suggest I stop texting or as I think I have every right to make sure there ok even if its only via text for now at least they know I am thinking about them
My son is 9 and I have just bought him a phone so I can text him call him etc his mum is now refusing him to have it.
Is this normal behaviour ?

thanks I am not coping to well without them currently and this is my only contact

It might be best to text them to ask them how often they'd like to hear from you - try to do this when you know the mother won't be around. Ultimately, it should be about what they are happy with.

Hi there

You have to be very careful here, if your wife has asked you to stop texting and you continue, this will give her the grounds to take an injunction/harrassment order out against you and this could complicate matters for you.

Your children will be very confused and upset at the moment and you will need to be patient. you could try writing to your eldest just to reassure her that what has happened is nothing to do with her and that you miss her and love her as much as you always have....keep it brief, no talking about what has happened or why, make it about her and you...don't expect anything back, it's going to take time. Ask her to look after the little ones and tell them that you love and miss them too.

Your wife believes that you were unfaithful and that's why you left, in these circumstances it's very common for there to be a lot of ill feeling and its early days. Give her some space for now and concentrate on gerting mediation organised.

It's tough but I'd stop texting as MOJO has said it's so easy for the ex to get a non mol on you these days they dish them out at the drop of a hat and at the end of the day you won't be able to really find out how they are as they'll be under orders from Mum it's hard but it will be worth it in the long run.

My ex threw everything at me including the kitchen sink to get a non mol on me so she could get legal aid as advised by her witch of a health visitor I bit the bullet and completely blanked her out my life blocked her on FB, whatsapp I ended up changing my phone number 6-7 times it was so hard not knowing how my 6 month year old baby was doing but it meant it wouldn't of took many more months having to fight a non mol before I got to see my girl it was also less stress as I wasn't getting constant abuse off the ex and I could concentrate on building myself a good case 🙂

Things may get worse before they get better so try and do things to take your mind off missing your kids and the court process.

All the best

Slim 🙂

Hi all been a few weeks since I last posted this is where I am up to.
I have been working away and on my return was going to go to mediation as in last post.

However my ex seem to be coming round and called me to say would you like to pick the kids up I want to talk to your regarding the children and we can sort out contact.
This is what she came up with.

I can see them every other day collect them after work and bring them back at 8pm pick them up on my day off after School take them for tea. I can have them over night every weekend .
Sounds fantastic hey.

However my current living situation I was living with my dad in a single bed in a small box room. I have now moved in with my new partner. My ex has stated that the children are to go nowhere near my new partner.
I asked her how could I have the children over night without them coming into contact her response not my problem.

I work 6 days a week and every weekend
I asked if I could see the children every other night and on my day off and one weekend night I would stay at my dads somehow with them she said no its my deal or nothing she knows my current situation and is just making stupid suggestions she knows I can not do.

Also she wants me to take them out for tea every night for tea how can I afford that

any suggestions

Hi There,
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It sounds to me like your ex is making offers she knows you can't accept, by making them she probably feels it will tick the box as to her being reasonable and not stopping contact, my ex did similar, if she is offering you over nights then that is actually a good thing, as when you attend mediation, it should help and if you end up in court she can't then say no really.
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Your ex can't give with one hand and take with another, so when she says you can have the children over night she then can't dictate where you have them, or tell you that you must take them out for food each time.
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It sounds as though this is a stalling tactic, but I think you should continue to mediation, and see if you can work something out that suits you both and not just her, if your not able too then you can look at court.
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GTTS

Yes she most definitely is making offers she knows I can not except and now is refusing me to see them I had contact with 3 of the Kid via text etc now I find I can not get through im sure she has blocked my number.
I spoke to my eldest who is 15 and she is asking why I don't want to see her I was gobsmacked she said her mum has offered you contact but you don't want it your too busy is this normal behaviour please tell me its not.
she is now telling me my kids don't want to see me and to leave them alone one is 2 years old ?

Im afraid its off to mediation as I cant see any light at the end of the tunnel one things for sure I aint giving up on my kids

I agree with GTTS, she's offered you overnights and she can't start laying down the law and refusing to allow them to stay with you at your home just because she doesn't want your new partner involved.

Ask her to put her suggestions for contact in writing so that you can consider them, perhaps lead her to believe that putting it in writing and both signing it once agreement has been made is a way to cement the agreement....at least then you will have it in writing that she agrees to overnights.

Unfortunately some parents will use their children as a weapon to hurt the other parent, it's unfair and ends up hurting the kids most of all. You could think about writing to your kids, just to tell them that you are missing them and want to see them and that you and their mum are trying to sort it all out.

Hi All
Thanks for listening
This is where I am up to.
I am as we speak unable to contact the children via the Telephone my number appears to be blocked I have asked my ex and she assures me she hasn't told them to block me.
I have again tried to reason with her and she says she has offered me contact and I have refused see above contact I can not do. She has now said I can have them at the weekends knowing I work all weekend in sales and this is where I make my money to pay for the children in the first place its been over a week now since I last saw them and missing them like mad. I am now wondering if she has told them that I don't want to see them as they have not contacted me for a while now.
I am in limbo regarding my housing arrangements as im trying to save up for my own place I currently live with my new partner and don't want the children to meet here yet.
I am planning to go to speak to mediation tomorrow to see what my options are however I don't want this to cause the children more upset as I can see its going to be a battle I am also considering changing my job however im quite well paid and by doing so will affect the amount of money I give my ex and prevent me from giving them treats etc . and wahts to say if I do that see stops me seeing them again.
I am at a crossroads and don't want to give up on my kids but also don't want o cause them more heartache.
I am totally lost and heartbroken any advise would be great as I am stuck

I would suggest you write to her and explain the difficulties posed by the schedule of contact she has offered, as far as work commitments, your current living arrangements and the fact that you don't want to introduce the children to your new partner as yet, which creates problems for overnight stays as you are living with your partner until you can find your own place.

Put together a schedule of contact that will work for you right now and send it to her with the letter, asking for her agreement on what you have proposed. Tell her that you are thinking of giving up your job to see them more, but that might affect the amount of CM you are able to pay her. Let her know you are missing the children and really hope that something can be sorted out asap for the children's sake.

Best of luck

Hi There,
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I agree with Mojo, write to her and explain your situation, and maybe write to the children too, hopefully the letters will get to them, even if she doesn't respond well or at all to your letter, the fact that you are trying to come to an arrangement will help you when and if you end up in court, it will show you have tried every avenue you can to try and maintain contact with your children.
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If you don't think that she would pass on any letters to your children, are there any reletives on her side that you get on with that would maybe pass on a letter or at least a message to the children for you?
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I guess something to mention at this point would be to be careful with contacting your ex too much, it's quite easy for her to make a complaint to the police that you are harrasing her, I know you need to make contact with her to try and resolve things, but maybe keep things to letters for now just to be sure, and if she tells you to stop contacting her then stop, I know this is really un fair, but it's something that is used so much now to try and disrupt things so just keep in mind.
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GTTS